What is a Father to do?

Yesterday was just a whirlwind. I did not even realize that I failed to blog until I was on my way home. Just before I left I received a phone call from my beloved. DS2 has lost a field trip next Monday. For the past several month DS2 has been on a 'merit' system to earn the priviledge to go on a fun field trip after the standardized tests. Long story short, he has been having trouble doing his assigned school work and when other kids do things they are not supposed to be doing he eventually hits the other kids. He had been doing so well - up until yestersday. During recess the kids were playing a version of Sharks and Minnows. At one point DS2 tagged another boy who responded "no you didn't". Ok 'nuro-typical' type behavior. The whole "did to", "did not debate" rages across every playground pretty much every day. But my son does not process those kinds of arguments like most of us. I'm sure DS2 was pretty frustrated at this point. Next round DS2 over hears the first "other boy" talking with two others saying "remember the plan"... the sharks call the minnows out - but then did not go for a single other student. They essentially ganged up on my son. I need to say here that the boys may have behaved unfairly, but they did not hit my son (that I know of, and I'm pretty sure my son would have told me if they did). Eventually DS2's frustration escalates to the point he 'hit' one of the other boys in the stomach. To make matters worse he knew he did not do the right thing and then when the teachers came over to sort things out he ran away from them. That was it. Months of hard work on my son's part lost. He was told he is not allowed to go on the field trip. What am I supposed to do!?!? I work with him all the time. We have an IEP (individual education plan) for him. The teachers (and more importantly his assigned aide) know that he does not handle competitive games well. But they gave him a choice (!?!? what !?!?) and he choose to play the game with the other kids. These are supposed to be people that are looking out for my son. They are supposed to know that they need to be within earshot, and maybe even arms reach, when he plays these games with others. I am not trying to say that my son deserves to go on the fieldtrip. There are, and has to be, consequences for things like my son did. He should not be allowed to get away with hitting other students or disobeying the teachers. But what about how these other students treated my son? I see "Charecter Counts" in most of the schools I walk into (conspicously missing in the main hall of DS2's school). I know my son was not quiet the first time the other boy "cheated" by declaring that he was not tagged. I know this because I deal with this at least weekly. The teachers should have seen the frustration rising in my son and pulled him out then. But then when the other boys ignored the rest of the students and then 'ganged' up to make sure they tagged my son what then? Teachers cannot possibly teach moral lessons and expect them to stick - especially if the parents are not teaching them at home. But, if a teacher is seeing a student being treated unfairly shouldn't they reach out? Especially if the 'target' is a handicapped student? I know my son looks normal - hell he even acts normal most of the time - but he has a diagnosed condition known as 'Aspergers'! He has an IEP! He has an Aide! Where were they? And why did they not intervene to help him sooner? Why did they let it get to the point my son felt the only thing left to do was to hit! I teach him ever day. I talk to him, I work with him, I play games and help him see the better way to react to things. But I am not there, I cannot be there, with him in school. My beloved and I do not himeschool for a reason. Sigh, I am just really frustrated right now. Verse for today: Ephesians 6:1-4, ESV Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.