How to walk, when blinded by self

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2, ESV)

I start my blog this week knowing that, if anyone other than myself, actually reads this, is going to think, 'Hey!  Don't judge!', but i am going to go forward anyway, and hope that the reader will still be around by the end of this blog entry for today, and at least give me a change to fully explain my train of thought... well, maybe not fully... but at least attempt to better expound my point of view some. Recently i have become aware of two, somewhat close, people who are at least within 2 degrees of myself, who are, or where, actively engaged in sinful behavior.  One was a nineteen year old, who attended a Christian school for at least seven years.  The other is a person whom i have known for at as long as i have been married.  Both grew up with people who attended church, but in each case, they willfully engaged in sex outside of the covenant of marriage.  The point of this blog, is actually not to focus on these two people, not in a singling out sort of way.  It is, however, an attempt to illustrate a deep concern i have regarding the American church in general.

It is of my opinion that the American church has been 'suffering' a time of prosperity.  A time where we could get comfortable and complacent in our pursuit of God - which He has amply supplied us with grace to pursue.  We allow ourselves to become distracted by the world, to covet the things of the world.  To actively pursue the things of the world, and yet, at the same time, allow our passion for Christ to be sidelined and placed and secondary (or even tertiary) to our heart.

I PLACE MYSELF IN THIS CATEGORY AS WELL!!!

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!  (Romans 7:14-25a, ESV)

We allow ourselves to become callous to the very things that put Christ on the cross in the first place!  And then, when we may perceive a possibly questionable act by others, we are told to "Judge not, lest you be judged!"  We become timid, and afraid to speak in love and truth into our friend's and/or neighbor's lives.  Is it even possible to discuss such things anymore?

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” He also told them a parable: “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye." (Luke 6:37-38, ESV)

I say it is.  But how?  For one thing, we can NEVER consider ourselves better than someone else.  For another, it is NOT our place to judge the person we seek to help.  Only God will be the judge.  We also have to allow for the Holy Spirit to move in grace and love.  It is entirely possible that what you are seeing as a sinful action, may not even be on the person's "radar".  Why?  because God is working on other things in that person's life at the time, or they have become spiritually blind to it.  Don't allow it to become a source of division, but, if the person receives the word, than try and help as best you can, if it is not time, or the person does not want to receive the word, then back off.  Ultimately it is NOT we who affect the change in other people.  All of us, myself included, are only changed when the self works in concert with the Holy Spirit.  Until we stand before the Throne of the Father of heaven and earth, and we hear "Well done", we are going to be dealing with the stain of sin in everything that we do on a daily basis.  Like a pinch of leaven permeates the entire batch of dough, so does sin infest our very flesh.  It will only be completely removed when the Fathers gives us our new clothes, and our new bodies, will it be dealt within in finality.

For some time, God has brought people in to my life.  People in deep pain.  People only just seeing the sin in themselves, and in others.  Each time i have prayed for the Holy Spirit to speak truth through me, and that it not be me or my opinions that is heard.  I have encouraged women to leave abusive relationships.  I have told men to swallow their pride and be the man of their house that they needed to be.  I have mostly listened.  Some crazy life situations, and those that are seeking do not want just pat answers and glib statements.  They want to know that you hear them, that you see, in some small degree, that you know or understand.  I am VERY aware of the Word of God where it talks about divorce being a sin except in the case of infidelity, but i also honestly believe that God would not just patently condemn someone for leaving a person who is abusive either physically or mentally.  Christ took the time to reach out and touch the leper, to talk to the woman who had five husbands - AND was living with a 6th man, who was she was not married to.  Christ knew this BEFORE he spoke to her.  The woman that was to be stoned by the crowd - he did not condemn.  Example, after example, of those who are struggling and hurting IN their sin, Christ spoke to them about the love of the Father.  He repeatedly would reach out to them, preach to them, heal them, never condemning them where they found themselves in sin, and always telling them to "go and sin no more" (which all of us who walk with Christ daily know, is neigh impossible, as i expounded upon above).

That is not to say that what they, or i, was doing, wasn't sinful and SHOULD be stopped.  We must each walk out our sanctification with the Lord on a daily basis, but always know, that when you are ready to turn to Him, he is ready to receive and forgive you.  Just like the thief upon the cross, right next to Jesus, began the day, taunting and hurling insults at Jesus, near the end asked that Jesus to remember him when Jesus entered in to His kingdom, and right then Jesus said to that man, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:43, ESV)  No one has the power to save, or condemn, but God.  It is only our duty as His followers, to convey the message as it has been revealed to us, and then allow it to be received, or rejected.  I say all of this and want to punctuate one thing - that does NOT mean everyone goes to heaven.  The Bible is clear, human-beings are sinners, in need of saving grave, and NOT everyone who thinks they are Christians will be saved.  The following, is in the very same chapter where it says "Judge not..."!

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness." (Matthew 7:21-23, ESV)

I started out this blog conveying a deep concern for the health of the American church, and i ended it with my thoughts regarding grace and salvation.  While they may not seem to correlate on the surface, i am trying to say they are one and the same.  Be faithful with the Word of God.  Be willing to speak out in truth and love, but also be aware that the Holy Spirit, and the person(s) you are speaking to, will not always receive what you have to say.  Only God can change a mind, change a community, change a region, a state, a nation.  Israel has walked with God some six thousand years, and even today the "Nation of Israel" does not have a place to call their home in peace.  Why?  Because their home is not of this world, and neither is the Christian's.  Like the Samaritan woman who "ate the scraps off the floor from the Master's table" (ref: Matthew 15:26-28), we can leave the progress of people, and of nations, to the Lord.  We just need to tend to the troubles of today.

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Space: Above and beyond (nothing to do with the old TV series)

OK - it's been a bizallion seconds, OK... slight exaggeration, but a long, long time, since i last blogged.  I have no excuses.  No really good explanations either.  In any event, when presented with writer's block, the best method to break through it, is to just get typing, so... here i go.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."  (Psalm 139:13-16, ESV)

I have struggled in the past, at least a little bit, in regards to my struggles with ADD and possibly HFA, but recently my beloved implored me to go see a Neurologist.  It took her almost a year and a half to get through to me but she finally did this past month or so.  I mean, possible HFA, ADD, and dealing with depression, you want to add more 'mental' problems on top too?!?

Technically this was a follow up to a sleep study i had in 2009.  Of course it was discovered that i had sleep apnea, apparently i completely stop breathing up to thirty times a night.  Well, in addition to the apnea, it was discovered that i suffer from narcoleptic seizures.  This freaked me out to hear.  It messed with me enough that after the required follow up with a Neurologist - who was not all that great - so, when she didn't find anything out of the ordinary, i didn't really question it further.  I was forthright, but not aggressive in my pursuit of learning more.  Well, three years on now, and some really poor nights of sleep, my beloved had me pursue a follow up with different Neurologist.  This meeting was much better.  The new doctor actually interviewed me.  He listened to what i had to say, and actually asked several more questions.  I also learned that the first MRI i had three years ago showed a small "mass" in the frontal lobe.  That was news to me!

Since then i have had another MRI, and i am scheduled for an EEG in a week or so.  When i was young, i had several EEG tests due to having Post Trauma Epilepsy, and then a follow up appointment in early June.  Well... dear reader, now you know that i am even a bigger freak than i had first let on.

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The Wolverine - coming to grips with oneself

When i was younger i was fascinated by Super Heroes.  I mean, who wouldn't be right?!?  A being that looks like any other human, that is able to fly, or teleport, or shoot laser beams out of his eyes, or stretch to incredible lengths, or control the weather, etc.  How awesome would that be!  They always stopped the bad guys, and always made sure justice prevailed.  I know it is trendy today for young adults, and even more... mature people, such as myself, to appreciate the comic genre, but it really has been a life long interest for me; although, i never did dive very deep into the various Marvel or DC universes.  To be honest, i just couldn't afford to keep up with even a single title, let alone dozens.  Especially when the story lines 'crossover' between the various titles.

The first superheroes i remember where Superman and the Flash.  I was first introduced to them a neighborhood 7-Eleven (comics and Slurpees).  It was a storyline where they raced each other, can't remember who won now though.  There was then a huge gap from then (i was about seven or eight) until i was in my mid teens (about fifteen).  I was given an X-Men comic. I don't remember the story, but i remember Angel, Cyclops, Phoenix, and Professor-X.  I also remember Wolverine.  I was immediately drawn to Angel and Cyclops.  I had always wanted to fly, and since i have worn glasses for as long as i can remember, that power beam shooting out of Cyclops' eyes was awesome to me.  From then on i went as often as i could, and especially when i was able to scrounge together the money to actually buy a comic book or two.  While i still really liked Scott Summers, Angel wore off, and i began to like some of the others, like Storm and Kitty Pride.  At first i was indifferent, but slowly the character Wolverine really began to 'speak to me'.

When i first saw him in the comic, his rough demeanor, and his hesitation to become a willing member of the team, grated against my own desires in life.  I wanted to be around nice people, and be a part of something larger.  Unfortunately, i was really a lot more like him than i wanted to admit.  Often the other kids around me were not to my liking.  Either they picked on me, or they did not think and act like i did - and that weirded me out.  So, even though i didn't want to believe it, my life really was somewhat parallel to Logan's.  I struggled with my own rage, my own struggle to find out who i really was.  I know some may say that these next recollections are more akin to wanting to look back and see what i am seeing, but this is really how i was.  Two instances readily come to mind.

The first one was when we were playing a game called 'Maul Ball'.  Basically it is a gang-up game where everyone who does not have the ball (be it a dodge, basket, or football) tries to tackle - aka 'maul' - the one who does.  In this case, it was a small game, maybe only four to seven players.  I had the ball and was doing a decent job of keeping away from those who wanted to 'maul' me, when out of the corner of my eye i see my brother just get leveled.  I have no idea why it happened, but i no didn't care.  I dropped the ball and charged head long at this kid, who was about my size, but out weighed me by a good twenty pounds or more (i was a thin stick of a kid, it took me until i was thirteen to break 100 pounds).  He never saw me coming.  Picture an NFL receiver going across the middle who gets decked by a Free Safety.  I laid him out, and proceeded to stand over him, challenging him to get up.  Which, from what i remember, didn't happen (him getting up to challenge me).

The next one was when friends of mine and i were practicing a game called Dagorhir.  It is in essence, a medieval reenactment group, with a fantasy element to it.  Now, these were long time friends, guys i ate lunch with everyday, played Dungeons & Dragons with - everyday.  I liked these guys.  Well, i did something to really irritate a friend who i will call "Tynie", and he let me know it.  I wasn't having it though.  Things got heated and he threatened to shove my cushioned sword down my throat.  That was it, i told him to come down from the stoop he was standing on, and try it.  He took one step towards me and laid in to him.  A single punch to his nose, and down he went.  In my anger i shattered his nose in five places, and cracked it in three others.

While typing those two examples, quite a few others came to mind.  I am not proud of any of them.  I only share them to try and illustrate that i had a side to me that no longer cared about my own well being, that no longer cared about those around me.  My world became so focused on the point of my rage that i was going to commit whatever act of aggression that i had on my mind at the time, come hell or high water.  I am very glad to say that i am no longer this disconnected with the real world.  For one thing... i never had Wolverine's incredible regenerative ability.  The other, i really don't have his skills either.  There was a very real danger that my actions would attempt to 'cash checks' that my body just would not be able to support. 

Even as my mind was slowly awakened to the real world consequences around me, i found myself more and more drawn to the Wolverine character.  As the writers and artists and Marvel slowly fleshed out his storyline, i liked him even more.  With his sense of honor and martial prowess... it's weird - most likely - but, in a lot of ways he is a 'hero' to me.  A fictional one, but one nonetheless.  I liked what i saw in him, and i wanted to be him.

Well - it's been many a year since i last bought a true comic book.  They've gotten even more expensive and i can afford them even less now.  I have bought the occasional graphic novel - which is usually nothing more than a handful of issues compressed in to one volume, and the adverts removed.  Which is much more preferred by me actually.

In the end, and this irks me to admit this, but Wolverine has been my overall favorite comic book character.  It irks me because he is arguably the most liked Marvel character.  I can't speak as to why other people like Logan, but for me it came down to all of the things i saw in him, that i also discovered in myself.  I saw a man who felt lost in the world he was compelled to live in.  I saw a man who struggled to know himself, a man who didn't think himself worthy to live among those with such ideals (his fellow X-Men), and yet he had a sense of duty to those very same people.  He thought of himself more of an animal than a man, a creature who struggled to contain his own rage and was a threat to those closest to him, this is why he always kept others at arms distance.  When he met Mariko and learned of honor and the ways of the samurai, he learned how to control the rage within, and a means of an outlet when needed.  He found a purpose, a way to live his life if you will.  For me i never did find a purpose within the way of Bushido, not completely.  For me, my true purpose was only felt when i finally gave in to my Master's call, the Lord Jesus Christ.  In that way we were different... well that, and the fact he was a completely fictional character.

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For those who are anti-religion, i am about to lose you.  If my faith offends you, there is not much i can do about it, but i ask that you give this blog entry a chance.

    Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,
        vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
    What does man gain by all the toil
        at which he toils under the sun?
    A generation goes, and a generation comes,
        but the earth remains forever.
    The sun rises, and the sun goes down,
        and hastens to the place where it rises.
    The wind blows to the south
        and goes around to the north;
    around and around goes the wind,
        and on its circuits the wind returns.
    All streams run to the sea,
        but the sea is not full;
    to the place where the streams flow,
        there they flow again.
    All things are full of weariness;
        a man cannot utter it;
    the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
        nor the ear filled with hearing.
    What has been is what will be,
        and what has been done is what will be done,
        and there is nothing new under the sun.
    Is there a thing of which it is said,
        “See, this is new”?
    It has been already
        in the ages before us.
    There is no remembrance of former things,
        nor will there be any remembrance
    of later things yet to be
        among those who come after.

    (Ecclesiastes 1:2-11 ESV)

This blog post was actually started in rough draft form several weeks before the tragedy that took place in Newtown, CT on Friday.  I have been concerned with a tendency to over legislate ourselves here in America.  When things are not working out our legislators pass some law, hoping to curb whatever behavior that has caused the issue.  There are times that something comes up that that needs some additional guidance and a new law should be passed, but i feel we over compensate.  Granted, lawyers often search out the most miniscule detail and will exploit it for the gain of whoever their clients are.  They rarely concern themselves with "intent" of the law, etc.  This is what propagates new laws being on the books to correct previous omissions, etc. The problem is, you can not legislate moral behavior.

We have all encountered the layman lawyer.  The person who always knows the answer, who always knows the 'truth'.  We also know a person (probably more than one) who feels that it is only illegal if they get caught.  More restrictions on the purchase of firearms may help, but i feel where we are failing as a society is that we are not teaching our children.  We have lost the right and wrong mentality, but too often it is not backed up with consequences.  

I have no idea, yet, of what Adam Lanza's mind was like.  I don't know if he had mental issues, or what set him off, but i do know that Connecticut has some of the most stricter laws in regards to gun ownership - and - he didn't own them.  He killed his own mother and stole them from her.  Now the call for more gun laws are being shouted even louder.

I am sorry, but more laws will not fix these sorts of problems.  Man is the Apex predator on the planet.  He is set apart, not only by opposable thumbs, but a brain that can work things out.  Some better than others, but basic problem solving is wired into every human's brain, and within that problem solving it includes how to get around boundaries and obstacles... such as rules.  A child does not need to be taught how to lie, or covet, or even steal.  Granted, not EVERY child does ALL of these things, but they do at least some of them - and i am willing to bet that if the first child thought they could get away with it without any consequences, they would do all of them at some point.  Timothy McVeigh didn't use a gun, he used diesel fuel and fertilizer.  On the very same day as the gun attack in Connecticut a man wielding a knife in China attacked kids in a school there. 

I am going to be honest here.  I have no crystal ball here.  I have ideas of what might work, and what might not.  I will not proclaim to be as sure as many who shout out in the media - from both sides.  One thing i do know for sure, the issue lies at the heart of the perpetrator.  It is impossible to legislate morality.  For decades now there has been an eroding of Judeo Christian values within the United States and the world.  Now, i will be among the first to say that us white - Anglo Saxon - protestants AND Catholics have not been the most inclusive, understanding, gracious, representatives of the God we proclaim to follow (the Crusades and Inquisition immediately come to mind, as well as other more recent historical examples), but we are being told a fallacy.  That man is a basically moral creature.  That we have developed these moral senses of right and wrong as we became more civilized.  To this i say - hogwash.  Just look at any country where law and order break down.  One could even take a deeper look at any social dynamic, even within a body of church goers, to see that selfishness and envy and anger are constant struggles.  It's not matter of what laws are in place to keep these things from 'exploding', it comes down to a matter of teaching what is right and wrong and how to deal with such issues - BEFORE - it gets out of hand.  One cannot teach that right and wrong is a matter of perspective without expecting a conflict to eventually arise.

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I need to confess something.  I struggle with condemnation of others, of those who i feel should know better, but for whatever reason just don't.  There is no way i can possibly justify these feelings.  For some reason i got into watching a series of YouTube videos depicting several people and families who have left the Morman church.  I learned some new things, but I am still comfortable on my views of that faith as a whole.  If interested, you may see the videos for yourself here - YouTube Video and more.

No matter where someone else is, even if it is an area that the Bible is clear on, i have no right to condemn anyone.  (“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2 ESV)) That is clearly in the Bible.  That does not mean that the other person is not in sin, or in error, but that i have no right to condemn that person for being where they are in their walk through life.  We all have a sense that we are not "there" yet, and we get down on ourselves to some degree, and so we try and 'place ourselves' within the context of others.  If they are messing up, than you must be better than they are, right?  In the end, only God the Father will be our Judge, and we will all be guilty before Him.  That is, unless we have trusted the Lord Jesus Christ to be our substitute, our propitiation.  Even then, it is not anything we have/had done.  We can only be faithful with what He has entrusted to us and share as we can. 

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."  (Ephesians 2:1-9 ESV)

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While listening to WTOP (an all news station out of Washington, D.C.) i heard a report about G and PG rated movies are significantly less this year compared to last.  I am still not sure of the reason, but i do remember hearing that most, if not all, of the other studios have cleared the way for The Hobbit to be mostly unopposed in regards to opening weekends for the upcoming date.  I thought that was pretty funny.  My beloved and i are really looking forward to this movie, but after looking over our schedule it looks like we will not be seeing the movie until Sunday evening at the earliest.  I am out of touch with the general vibe of most of America, so i am not sure how well the Hobbit being expanded to three movies over all.  Personally i am pretty stoked.  I've always known that Peter Jackson did his very best (along with his fellow screen writers Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens) would do their very best to be as faithful to the book, as well as find ways to incorporate a lot of the 'back story' from the various true canon sources.  The listed run time of "The Unexpected Journey" is 2:46, which i am quite thrilled about - AND, the 'extended version, on BluRay to be released later, will have an additional 25 minutes.  Love it.

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I am trying to set goals for myself in regards to running.  There are four running events in the coming years i hope to do.  Two are 5k races, one is an 8k race, and the other is a 10 mile deal.  To be honest, i have not met my goals for this year (which were to walk 300 miles, and run 150), but each race entered has an entrance fee and would be added impetus.  Each race has something that is attractive to me.  One is for cancer research,

when in shape

One is to raise donations for under privileged children, and one is to promote wellness among children in my area (sort of like the Play60 campaign, but a lot more localized).  The 10 miler, is the Army race run every year.  That one is really hard to get in to, and i do not have confidence in myself to actually be ready for it this year.  I spoke with my beloved, and i received what felt like a half hearted endorsement... but, i think she is behind me.  Especially if it helps me get DS2 in better overall shape.  More to follow - i hope.

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Video compilation

After wrapping up the month of November, and taking the time to remember the things to be thankful for in my life i wanted to resurrect this blog - sort of.  I mean, since it is not an actually living being, it never really dies.  Well... at least not in this world... but obviously in the world of TRON it would be derezzed eventually.
 

Well, over the course of time i had saved a few videos i absolutely found fun and wanted to share them somehow.  Well, sure, Facebook is the normal way to go, but hey, i never claimed to be normal, so, i thought, why not share them here.

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The first one i want to share is an NFL Play60 promo.  I first saw it while watching the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins play on Thanksgiving Day.  First, as any regular reader of this blog knows, i am a fan of the Carolina Panthers, and this one features Cam Newton, their 'prodigal quarterback'.  In his first year he set all kind of rookie records.  I was able to see him break 4 records last year, in person:

• First rookie quarterback to throw for 4,000 yards in a season.
• Most total touchdowns by a rookie NFL player: 35 (21 pass, 14 rush).
• Most rushing yards by a rookie quarterback: 706
• Most rushing touchdowns in a single season by a quarterback: 14

As well as a few Panther Franchise Records:

• Longest offensive scoring play (91) to Brandon LaFell, December 24, 2011 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
• And longest Quarterback scramble for a touchdown (49)

I am liking that he is growing a sense of humor. He just seems to be growing into a really nice young man. A well rounded team leader, on and off the field.  I completely agree that a Rookie, and even a second year player - even one as talented as Cam is - should not be a team captain.  There are just too many other things on their shoulders to take on that role and responsibilities.  Let them mature and grow as a football player, and let them learn from the veterans around the locker room.

Anyway, i love this commercial.  It has a great message about kids eating right and exercising, along with a great tongue in cheek humor.  I am snickering even as i type this and think about the video.

The kid is priceless.

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The next one a friend shared.  I really laughed hard enough to have ice tea come out my nose when i first saw it.  It's just so NOT me and my family in style, but in content it was spot on.

There are so many times as a parent, and you are up to your eyebrows in insanity and you just snap.  There is nothing even remotely funny...not until you can put some distance of time between the present and the event.  There are quite a few things that happened around my 'dojo' that i was truly peeved... but now, it brings a smile to my face, and a laugh with the family.  The key is, don't take things too seriously.  Be honest with yourself, that you are not perfect -- and then just learn from the mistakes, and enjoy life.

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The last video in this blog entry for todayis titled, "How Bad do You Want IT!".  It is straight up a motivational deal.  There are some people that think i am like this, that i drive and drive and drive, but the truth is, there are a lot of times i take my eyes of the prize and look at the 'storm' that is surrounding me.

In one of my 'Being thankful' blog posts, i mentioned how i ran on my High School's Cross Country team two years in a row, and both years the team went to the state championships, and both years i dropped off the team - just stopped showing up to practices and everything.  Fortunately for the team, i was not one of the top runners, and this really didn't impact their performance at the finals (if memory serves they one both years).  This was not the only time i had done something like this.  In the sixth grade i had the role in a class play, and i think i was pretty good, but on the day of the play, i refused to go on.  The teacher had to get the understudy.  In many ways... i feel like i let everyone down, over and over again.  I see this video, and i want to charge right out and never let anyone down again, but i know i can't go about it that way.  But, what this video does, partnered with the grace of God i experience everyday, gives me incredible motivation to pick myself up.  To begin again, to do what i can, then get up the next day and do it again, and when i trip and fall - to get up and get on again. 

Right now, i am not there mentally... but one has to have an objective to aim for.  In driving you do not stare at the road right in front of the vehicle, you look up the road so you can anticipate the corrections needed.  When i was taught to perform land navigation in the Army, i was taught to not stare at the compass, but to use the compass to get a direction and then to look out and find an objective along that line, and then aim and head towards that objective - all the while navigating the obstacles of the terrain as needed.  I am working on this, but i have formed a saying that helps at times. 

"If you aim at nothing, you will hit it everytime."

There is, i believe, something in each of us, that want to make a difference, to make our mark in some way, but unless we actually get up and do something... we will fulfill that saying above.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."  ~ Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt ~ "Citizenship in a Republic," Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910 

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Well, that is all i have for today.  If so inclined, please pray for me as i too strive to "take no days off", all the while, keeping a proper balance in my life with my relationship with God, with my family, and with my career.  Thank you for reading.

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Being thankful, Day #30

I have saved for my last 'Being thankful' post, to express thanks for my Beloved bride.  I still remember the day that we met twenty one years ago.  Neither of us where supposed to be where we were.  I had a last minute invite to travel to see a friends baptism and when i arrived i had been informed that i had been set up on a blind date and would meet her at the nearby home coming college football game, she was supposed to be on a camping/canoe trip.  My blind date was her roommate, and since my (then future) beloved had nothing else to do, ended up being at the game to hang out.

We spent that afternoon, the three of us, discussing the sovereignty of God.  I think i may have watched 3 plays of the entire game.  After the game my date and i went out to dinner with a slew of other students, and then to the dance - which, i don't dance.  The whole Christian Student Union crowd hung out though, and afterwards we all went out to Denny's.  I ordered a hot fudge sundae, she ordered french fries with Ranch dressing (admittedly, i didn't learn about the Ranch Dressing part until later).  I only remember two people being there, my (then future) Beloved and her friend who had led her to Christ.  After Denny's we traveled out to a nearby historic park.  We wandered around in various small groups.  I left and headed back home, clueless as usual.

Three days later, i am standing on a ladder, holding up and cleaning a house's gutters because that was my job as a Carpenter's Apprentice that day, when a little light bulb  lit up right over my head.  You know, a real AH HA! moment.  I distinctly remember the Holy Spirit asking me, "where you paying attention back there"?  When i got home that night i called my friend who lived out where she was going to school and asked him to get her telephone number (this was back before e-mail was very wide spread).  He said he would get it for me and get back to me.

Three weeks later! he finally gets back to me.  I learned later that she was MAD at me for asking for her for her telephone number - which he had asked her for, the day after i had asked him - and then never calling her!  I am still not sure what took him so long to get the number to me.  Well, i called her immediately following and made arrangements to head up to meet her again that weekend.

I didn't see her until Sunday services, she was wearing a beautiful white dress with blue flowers, and her hair was on fire in the sunlight.  We went to a Ponderosa (i know, big spender here) and we chatted.  After we hung out with a married couple who she was friends with and also were leaders in CSU.  She invited me to go to her five year High School reunion Thanksgiving weekend, ironically, it would be one year before our wedding. I don't remember much about that first date other than we spent the evening with her friend from High School.

The next six months where a whirlwind.  I introduced her to my singles bible study friends, she introduced me to all of her friends, and we to each others parents. I checked in to the National Guard's tuition assistance, etc. and proposed on her the day she graduated from college - although, by then, she had already known i would.

For over twenty years now, she has endured sixteen years of me being in the Army National Guard, my quirks and short comings.  Not every moment, well, sometimes for a few weeks, things have not always been the most pleasant, but i know there is not one second i would trade or discard.  I truly feel lost when she is not around.  In so many ways she truly completes me.  I love her, and she loves me... and what better life could one hope for?

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