I am not sure if i have ever mentioned my Beloved bride on this blog before. Not too long from now we will be celebrating our 18th Anniversary. I would be lying if i were to say that they all have been full of bliss and free of conflict, but i can honestly say i wouldn't trade them for anything. I may have also mentioned that she has recently returned to the full time workforce. It has been a wonderful opportunity for her, and she is just loving it, growing pains and all. She is thriving on the challenges, she is enjoying the chance to get out and provide a wonderful service for others. I have seen a very good improvement in her demeanor over all. It is wonderful to see. I am very happy that she is doing this, and i will be grateful for the additional income, but i must confess that i am struggling with all of the change. My heart, at least outwardly, is glad, but the past couple of weeks it has literally been at odds with my mind. Trouble sleeping, actual mental turmoil... she, and friends have been encouraging me to pray and read the Bible. I have been... and i am working through it... but i am actually disappointed in myself for having this much trouble. She needed this. The family needed this. Improvements for her and the family ARE improvements for me. So why do i struggle like this so? And it is stupid stuff. Things i know are not right, or fair. I just pray that i am doing a good job of actually supporting her right now, because i know she is a little vulnerable getting back out there and learning the changes to the job, interacting with people in that environment again. The last thing she needs is a husband that is falling apart... Why can't i just deal with it and move on?!? Why must change be so difficult?
A glass shatteringThe moon is chasing the sunSeason changing time