Comraderie

I am torn. A few months back most of my National Guard unit were called to active duty and are now serving. I was not activated. I know God ultimately had a hand in that and I am grateful. But right now I am really struggling to get motivated to even make it to my weekend drills. The only reason I am even still in uniform is for fairly selfish reasons... I want to retire at my current paygrade, and I have to serve for a certain amount of time in that paygrade before I can do that. But I find myself feeling torn. I want to get that retirement packet in just as soon as I meet that requirement, but I also feel like in doing so I am letting my fellow soldiers down. Like I am not supporting them until they get home. I get a lot of people telling me that I've done my time, that I have served my country. Ultimately I have to do what is best for my family. But if I fail to support those whom are sent into harms way, and right now it feels like being in uniform does that, especially those with whom I have served and trained with, what am I going to think of myself? I have never considered myself a selfish man, but I also know I wage that war with sin on a moment, day-by-day, basis. I just pray that God would show me what He would have me do. He is the one I ultimately have to serve and stanb before to give an account. I also pray that he would help me see, just a glimpse, of the picture. Verse for today: 1 Corinthians 10:12-14, ESV Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.