20060130

What's a man to do

I had been planning on surprising my beloved for Valentine's Day. I was going to surprise her on the 10th, but arranging to take the entire day off from work, have someone watch the kids during the afternoon, and while having her do a "treasure hunt" eventually have her come home to a nice dinner and massage. But I have given up on this plan. I am tired of trying to do things like this. I always get frustrated. Reasons for this one: 1) Our schedules are always full of doing something. This time several things have conspired against me. 2) She watches two kids on Fridays for some friends who are expecting their third child in August. Well the poor woman is sick to the point of being unable to function very well for very long. 3) I have been given some grief by one set of friends whom I ask to help with this. They felt the duration was too long to be a reasonable request (about 6-8 hours). 4) The church is doing somekind of outing for the kids that night and she is insistant that I take the kids. When I say insistant she is not telling me that I need to take the boys, but she repeatedly 'encourages' me to take them dispite my feeling to the contrary over a long period of time. It is getting harder and harder for me to try and romance my wife unless she has an active say in when and where. There is little room for my creativity or spontenaity. It's ok for her to spring $%#* on me, but when I try and do it - it is an inconvienience. What makes all of this worse is I know I am sinning in my attitude. I am being selfish and not dying to myself. I am not loving her as myself. All of this just has me getting more and more moody. I am caring less and less about trying to do anything special for v-day. And many, many other thoughts. Verse for today: Psalm 146:3-4 esv Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

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