The Day After

Today I do not have a central theme to my post so it will be a collection of 'random' thougts. Carolina Panthers: First I would like to say that last nights (American) football game was painful to watch. The Seattle Seahawks completely dominated the Carolina Panthers. Jake Delhomme threw 2 interceptions in the first quarter which led to 10 points and a 0-17 lead for the Seahawks. With no real running game threat, and only one "go to" receiver it was pretty much a matter of playing out the rest of the game at that point. The final score was 14-34. Since I am not an NFL owner, general manager, let alone Coach (I have not coached American football at any level), nor have I ever played in anything other than a backyard game of football, it is my opinion that if Carolina can get another good receiver - or bring along some of the potentials in their own ranks, it would go a long way in helping this team go just as far next year. A durable running back would also do wonders. But overall I really cannot complain. There were 28 other NFL teams sitting home yesterday, they went deeper in the playoffs than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (a division rival), they went deeper than the Jacksonville Jaguars (their expansion rival), and this was only the fourth non-losing season the Panthers have ever had. Overall a fun season for a fan. Financial Fears: Since moving to where I now live it has become apparent that I allowed myself to buy a home slight beyond what would be considered fiscally responsible. We have lived here for just under 2 years and since then we have slowly been bleeding any sort of savings that we've had. With several birthdays and my anniversary all within the last 3 months we have been hot preety hard. So much so that I had to make another withdraw from what I consider to be an 'emergency' fund. With the monthly outgo consitantly out distancing the income, I may not be able to retire from the National Guard this year as I'd hoped. I am in faith that God has me exactly where He wants me to be - and I am trying to keep my eyes open to what God would have me do. Communication Issues: Why is it that after 13 years of marriage I am still having a hard time telling my wife what is on my mind? Last night after watching a movie which we both liked (Wedding Crashers) she was telling me that she liked to hear me laugh. She then told me that she thought it would be good for me to laugh like that around my brother. There is a lot more to this story, but I do not wish to expound upon that here right now. But I do not have a lot in common with my brother right now, and he has a way of rattling on insesantly about things that basically drone my mind out. So much so that I litterally have a hard time reciting afterwards - despite my efforts thus far. Anyway, this turned into me feeling like I had to justify myself. I was flabbergasted when she asked for details and I could not come up with any. Then this morning I wanted to share with her about needing her help for something I could not bring myself to say it on the phone. It seems like the only way I can communicate with her in any detail is via written letters, and then they are received like, "not this again" - or, "haven't we already gone over this", or, "I thought we solved this". National Guard: This month I am to be promoted to Sergeant First Class, and yet I am not excited. It is a 'natural' progression in a military career and yet I find no joy in it. I want to be promoted. I feel that I can be a good platoon sergeant, but all I can think of is trying to retire this year as I will reach my 20th anniversary of joining the National Guard. In those 20 years I have been a career Guardsman. That is I have never been active Army (although I have served 1 year on active duty when we were called up after 9/11). In my time with the National Guard I have been a Military Policeman (5.5 years), and Infantryman (7.5) years, and I am currently an Artilleryman (almost 7 years now). My proudest time was as an Infantry Squad leader. My dreariest time was an MP. I have nothing against the MP Corp. It is just not my 'cup of tea'. I love being hard pressed physically and mentally as a 'grunt'. I loved having to find my way with nothing but a map and (sometimes) a compass. I loved having to overcome obsticals to achieve military objectives. I think that's why I like the game Necromunda. It is a game of combat at roughly an infantry squad level in a severe urban environment. Although I don't maintain a "love me" wall, I do have a drawer full of trinkets that only has meaning to me. But those days are now behind me. I long to be home with my family on weekends. I am tired of missing birthdays of friends and family (especially my own kids), tired of missing out on fun trips, etc. I feel spent in my willingness to serve my country. I just want to move on. I was going to do a paragraph on 'Intimate Issues', but I am not yet ready to blog those thoughts. Who knows, maybe in a few days, or weeks in the future. To those still reading - thanks. :) Todays verse: When you sit down to eat with a ruler,observe carefully what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite. Do not desire his delicacies, for they are deceptive food. Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist. When your eyes light on it, it is gone, for suddenly it sprouts wings, flying like an eagle toward heaven. Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the morsels that you have eaten, and waste your pleasant words. Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words. Proverbs 23:1-9 ESV