Ramblin' Early Fall Ramblings

Promises of Spring
Winters night chases the sun
Mirage whispers on

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Back in August of 1989, when i prayed for Christ to come and make a home in my heart, i remember having two thoughts run simultaneously through my mind as the young man asked me questions about sin, my need of a Savior, etc.  I recognized my own fallible ideas and how they were broken against the truth of God.  Since that time i cannot recall having the same thing happen again... until recently.  For about the past three of four weeks i have been really struggling with my relationship with my beloved.  The only way in which she has changed has been to return to work. Well, that's not entirely true.  Her entire demeanor has improved.  She is happier, she seems healthier, she is more motivated overall, but for some reason i have been feeling like i am losing her.  Like she is drifting away.  My body has literally been at war with my mind.  I feel like i am letting her down because i am another thing she has to worry about, one more thing to take care of.  I think i need to pursue some kind of counseling/diagnosis.  ASD/Depression... something...  One thing i have been doing is praying and really trying to talk to someone... anyone.  Even though my Beloved and i had an "intense time of fellowship" on Friday/Saturday... it was good to work through some of the things.  The road is still rough, but God is faithful.

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My favorite team in the National Football league is the Carolina Panthers.  I know, you all are shocked.  Anyway, coming into the season i had my doubts about the Offense, but the Defense looked really good in the pre-season and i had some hopes that they would keep them in the game until the offense could come together.  Unfortunately, i have not seen a real sign of life out of the defense until yesterday.  As a long distance fan i am seeing some improvement on both sides of the ball... but i don't think it will be good enough to pull out a .500 season.  I want to see Coach Fox back next season... but the media has pretty much written him off. 8(  I had hopes for the Panthers being 3-2 going into their bye-week... but, 1-4 is the best i can hope for... but the Chicago Bears defense is looking VERY good.  *sigh*  I don't think i want to renew my usual Gentleman's wager with 'LT'.

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My fascination with MouseHunt has not abated... despite my grinding out a run through the "King's Gauntlet".  To help change the pace up some i have taken to moving away from the Gauntlet on weekends to hunt in other locations.  This past weekend i revisited the Catacombs/Forbidden Grove/Acolyte Realm.  It was fun to work on plussing up my count on some of the various mice to work on earning membership into the "MouseHunting Century Club" at some point down the road.  I still have almost 20m points to go before i can even hope to make a run at Zugzwang's Tower, so...

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About a week and a half ago my beloved and i hired a tutor to help PIRATE with his homework twice a week.  We needed someone who knew how the teachers were assigning homework, the atmosphere there in his school, and someone who had experience in dealing with ASD students.  We were blessed when one of his aides said that they would love to help him and we jumped at the chance.  So far it has been working out wonderfully.  I know i was struggling to help him with his homework, and with my beloved working again she has not always been available to help.  If this helps him navigate the waters of middle school and beyond, it will be money well spent.

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I had an interesting dream this week.  In this dream i was searching for my mother (she passed away in 2000).  I was searching through some kind of institutional-like building.  A lot of residence like halls, that kind of thing.  It was not a frantic search, more like one of someone just searching through an unknown location for someone or something.  When i got to the floor (the 8th, not sure if that is 'significant' or not), i got to just out side of her room (#874 or 824 or something close to that).  There was a plastic-like container... with familiar symbols on the bottom... i remember breaking down crying... but now that i am so far removed from the dream i don't remember why.  There were two men there... only one spoke to me, the other dropped out of my peripheral vision.  I woke up at that point... and i don't know if it is because i wanted to feel this way... or if perhaps the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me... that my mom had indeed been assigned a room (John 14:2)... or maybe it was showing me my assigned room... but the whole dream seemed to be me searching for her... so... i dunno.

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Random Dozen Wednesday - 20100901

Hello!  Welcome to Wednesday and that means it is time for the Random Dozen. Linda over at 2nd Cup of Coffee hosts this fun meme.  Surf on over and check her blog out!

1. What insect are you most afraid of? Feel free to post a picture.

I hate to admit it, but spiders.  There is something about spiders that i actually get the willies.  You know, that weird loss of muscle control.  It usually happens right after i've killed one in some method.  My favorite is using ant spray on them.  When we first moved into the house we live in now we found this powder like stuff and i lined the walls in the basement.  Until recently we've not had any trouble with spiders down there... man, i really need to find that stuff again.

2. What is the greenest/most organic thing about you or that you do?

Well, i dabble with some recycling, but i am not really all that consistent.  I've installed quite a lot of those energy saver bulbs.  You know, the ones that look k like the bulb was wrapped around some rod.  But to be honest, the greenest thing i do is i still drive my 2000 Toyota Echo, which still gets 36+ MPG around town, and in the lower 40's on the highway.  I keep it in good running shape, change the oil regularly, rotate the tires, make sure they have proper inflation.  It is at 130k miles and still runs very well.

3. Tell me about a recurring dream that haunts you.

I've not had a recurring dream in quite some time, but when i did it was me running through some sort of apocalyptic urban environment.  The running part would last the entire dream, and i was never really sure what i was running from.  I remember just before they ended though, that just after i became a Christian i vividly remember have this dream and then in the middle of it i stopped, said to myself "i don't have to run anymore."  I remember turning around, reaching down and picking up a snake (with my hand just behind it's head), looking at it, and then (i am pretty sure) i tossed it into some sort of pit.  I've had this dream once or twice over the past twenty or so years, but they never last all night like they used to.

"I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring [5] and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” (Genesis 3:15, ESV)

4. Have you ever missed a flight? What were the circumstances?

Not that i readily remember, but then i am not a frequent flier either.  We did come close once when flying out of Dallas.  We arrived at the airport in time to check in and eat a meal post security checkpoint.  We checked the flight status before leaving for the airport, when we checked in, and once more before we sat down to eat.  The gate assignment had already changed once before we sat down to eat.  After we ate, we checked the gate assignment and status... on time, but at a new gate.  Anyone who has flown out of DFW knows that a gate within a section is a pretty good trip at times, but when you have to go from, say C1 to A4... it's quite a hike.  We arrive at the new gate, everything is Kosher... we wait to be called to board.  15 minutes before flight time there is another change - i know this sounds highly unlikely, but when it is announced by the person wearing the uniform at the gate (who also calls passengers to be boarded) you listen.  Back on the shuttle thingie and shuffle as fast as a family of five can with a bunch of other passengers hustling to catch their flight.  Literally as we are getting in our seats the Captain comes on the speakers asking us to take out seats as he is trying to beat a storm that is coming into the area.  Although we made that flight... our luggage did not.  I am just glad we were heading home.

5. What do you consider your best feature?

Umm... never really thought about it, so... i really have no clue.  My hands?

6. What was the last concert you went to?

That was so long ago... i don't remember.  I think it was a Petra concert.  I remember it was so loud that i couldn't think and i a had a really bad headache.  Much past the 3rd song i don't remember being able to hear the music all that well either...

7. Describe the most embarrassing church moment you ever experienced.

For me it was when my mom was having me attend a church youth group.  There was some kind of all night deal, and i remember the girls singled me out for some unremembered reason.  I remember being really embarrassed...

8. Are you a whistler, hummer or singer?

The answer to this question is yes. Depending on my mood, the song that comes to mind, and where i am will determine my output.  Although, to be honest, humming is not a regular occurrence for me.  And i usually don't care who is around.  My co-workers have gotten used to me.. .so that's a good thing.

9. George Washington Carver said, "I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in." What is God saying to you through nature today, or this very minute?

Right now?  Um... that just because i have thoughts and feelings similar to what He has, does not mean that my thoughts and feelings are the same as His.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."  (Isaiah 55:8, ESV)

10. On September, 1, 1752, the Liberty Bell arrived in Philadelphia. What memorable event will take place in your life on September 1, 2010?

*snicker*  I have NO clue.  Stand by as the story develops!

11. Taco Bell or the Liberty Bell? (You must choose.)

Taco Bell of course!  Philadelphians are known to be rude, and very vocal.  I have no idea about their hospitality, but if throwing batteries at Santa Clause is a normal, acceptable, activity. then i have no desire to visit the place.  Taco Bell on the other hand has tasty little taco's and other delectable delights.

12. Do you believe men and women can have purely platonic friendships?

I believe so, when it is kept in the context of friendship.  I do believe that there will come times when there will be a desire, a temptation if you will, to move beyond those 'boundaries'.  It is how those times are dealt with by both parties that will determine if the relationship remains platonic.  In today's day and age we are too apt to just give in to those feelings though.  Is it possible, but is it likely?  To me that is the question.  One that is answered by self control, self discipline, peer group, and personal beliefs.

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When dreams go bad

The past two night have been miserable. It figures since my beloved and i wanted to get my lazy butt back to the gym again starting Monday. Sunday night DD3 woke up in the middle of the night (four times) with some kind of pain in her right foot. There was no swelling, nothing felt out of place, it was not tender to the touch, and she could move it... never did figure it out. Then last night i could not get to sleep until sometime after 12:30 am... but i kept waking up. I lost count after the seventh time. I think i brought this experience on myself. I recently heard how much "junk" there is in the human mouth, and that if proper oral hygiene is not kept up it can lead to a myriad of things. So, i took some dental floss from my beloved's medicine cabinet and flossed the teeth for the first time since before my last dental appointment. Let's just say it was not pretty... and i felt a little off even last night. I have rinsed with Listerine and kept up with the teeth brushing since then. Taken a little extra vitamin B, C, and E this morning, but last night... not sure this was the cause... but. One of the times... the 7th or so... i had a weird dream... It began with some kind of plane performing some kind of bombing run along a river. The visual was a lot like an old video game i used to plug quarters into way back when... just with a slightly different view perspective. I was seeing it all from a 3rd person point of view (like the game, but different). At some point (my memory of the dream is getting fuzzy the further away i get) i remember calling a bunch of military types around and delivering some kind of speech... i remember it being about something about this "attack" being only five missiles. That our grand parents had so much more to deal with. That is where i woke up. As i lay there, trying to go back to sleep (my mind was 'flooding' at point) i quickly jotted down some notes... what is presented here is pretty much all i got down. It occurred to me that we Americans are not used to sacrificing for the things that are important. We try and legislate morality. We try and order everything so safe that 'disasters' never happen. Neither of these things are possible. We want the school systems to teach our children right from wrong. But not discipline... we can't have little 'Johnny' or 'Suzie' feeling ashamed for their mistakes. When things go wrong we look to blame anyone or anything. When something needs to be done the most common outcry is "not in my backyard"! At church my beloved and i (well, mostly my beloved) head up the pre-school ministry. Each quarter my beloved takes the time to type up the schedule, taking special care to fulfill each request for special consideration, and mails them out to each volunteer who serves in pre-school. She also rotates those who serve on her team to be the "caller of the month" where they call each person to remind them that they are serving on an upcoming weekend. Do you know we still have people who routinely don't show up... who show up late... or do not take it upon themselves to try and switch others if something comes up. The result is that my beloved and i work between 9-11 weeks out of 13 filling in spots that have gone uncovered. Starting with the church in America we need to start preaching the gospel first and foremost. We need to teach people that there is personal accountability and responsibility. That the basic things like common sense and morals are hard some times, but that the hard things are worth doing. We need to stand up and say where can i stand in? Don't always wait to "have a passion" for something, don't wait to be invited, and don't presume to preselect where/how you will serve. As charecter and gifting becomes known adjustments can be made, but until then serve. Sin needs to be preached on. There are two things that are certain in this world. 1) We are all going to die some day. 2) We ALL sin! To sugar coat either fact of life is to do a dis-service to the community. How did this gumption of, "well, so-and-so lived a good life. Surely they are going to heaven. NO THEY ARE NOT UNLESS THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR NEED FOR A SAVIOR! To have someone sit under you and not tell them about sin and that they are sinners is to do them a dis-service! Our grandparents (in some cases our great-grandparents) had to sacrifice mightly to over come a depression and fight a world war. They knew hunger, they knew sacrifice. Men and women rolled up their sleeves and went to work. The were rationed food, and material goods. Military units suffered terrible losses to achieve victory. I am not so sure such a victory could be had today. We do not have the stomach for it. I am not saying we need to throw men and women into situations they have no hope of winning, but i am saying that times will come when they will die, but you know what... more people are dying from cancer than the Iraq and Afganistan wars. America is in trouble people. We no longer teach our children the basics at home. We do not take the extra effort to teach - and enforce - right from wrong. We expect schools and legislators to set up laws and rules, and have other people enforce them. We do not teach our children common sense and that there are sometimes consequences when bad choices are made. Our governement is at its own throat. The far left, far right, and moderates are at each others throats. Even the ruling Democratic party is being divisive with itself (i mention them because they are the majority in our government currently). We as a church should be seperate from the government... but not in that we should never be heard in an offical forum or setting... but in that we should not stand by and wait for governemt to do our "job" as the body of Christ. The gospel is offensive to a dying world. Christ Himself told us that the world will hate those who love Him. Although we cannot, and should never again, act like the Inquisition, but we cannot afford to be silent anymore. We can not make people agree with, or believe in Christ, but we can proclaim the truth. Do not be afraid to offend some when presenting the truth. They may not believe you, they may not be hostile, they may never speak to you again, but if the opportunity presents itself... speak the truth in love and compassion. If the Word of God is rejected move on. But at least do the hard work and live out what He taught - at least within the body.

Dreams continued

I had another dream last night. The only reason this is seems 'blog-worthy' is that I rarely remember my dreams - if I have them at all (and since I am told that we all dream every night, I can only assume I just don't remember them).

Last night's dream had me, and several unknown friends, running around in a junkyard. I was there to meet with someone (a 'known and trusted friend' apparently) who was going to be doing some repairs for some kind of VIP (this person had several body guard types). Then as the dream ended I was back out int he Junkyard again getting ready for... something.

There seems to be sort of a common thread - at least according to Dream Moods (a sort of on-line dream dictionary if you will). I am not one to really swallow up Psycho-babble without trying to think it through, but since I don't have a "Joseph" in my life, I am sort of left to pray to God for my answers. I also will use resources I feel God has led me to. If anyone who stumbles across this blog has an interpretation of these dreams I would be most welcome to hear it.

Anyway - for now this is what I have found out:

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Radioactive (the type of 'toxin I was exposed to) items are suppressed emotions that will cause problems in the long run if not dealt with.

Vaccinations suggest the need to overcome vulnerabilities. Short term pain - long term gain.

Invasion is a need to be more assertive. To stand up for myself.

Air Raid represents a feeling of a lack of control/overwhelmed.

Airplane supposedly means that I will overcome my obstacles.

Police are a sign that I feel a sense of failure to fulfill some sort of honor or obligation.

Seeking shelter reveals a sense of helplessness of the trials I am facing.

A Father figure symbolizes authority and protection. A suggestion that I need to be more self reliant. Consider also my working relationship with my Father.

A Junkyard symbolizes fear, frustration, or a sense that I need to shed some old behaviors and/or habits.

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Since last week I have been praying for God to reveal what I need to see. Last night (the junkyard dream) could be an answer of sorts. I may elaborate more in a future blog, but for now this seems to be a prod of sorts with something I have been dealing with since just before I was married. A feeling of being called for a kind of ministry - but an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and the recent "issues" at my church may be bringing this back to the surface.

One thing I am most concerned with is that there is only one true God. And I aim to follow Him. So I am also scared of being led astray...

All I can say is... "stay tuned"...
Verse for today:
Deuteronomy 13 : 1-4, ESV
If a prophet or a dreamer of dreams arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, ‘Let us go after other gods,’ which you have not known, ‘and let us serve them,’ you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the Lord your God is testing you, to know whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. You shall walk after the Lord your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him.

Dreams

Ok, I have no idea if any of the small handful of readers that come by here will think, but I feel compelled to share something I dreamed. Not once, but three times. It changed on the last one, but it goes something like this...

I am at my home (I think) with what I think is my family. There are five other 'ghost' like people. They are real, it's just that there is little to no interaction with them, and I do not remember seeing their faces. One, though, is my "Father" (I refer to him as a father-like figure throughout all three dreams).

There is some kind of underlying tension in the 'air' if you will. In the dreams I remember being exposed to some form of radioactive toxin that required a shot to counter act. Here is where the dreams differ from first through third. In the first two I remember getting the antidote later on, but in the third dream it was practically right away.

There was also some kind of invasion taking place. I know I was trying to get my family to some kind of shelter. In the first two we 'engaged' the 'enemy' practically on our doorstep. In the third dream we had to travel and we never had to 'fight', the 'enemy was 'shot' by policemen who had set up a security check point (that we did not have to go through).

In all three dreams we made it to the door of the 'bunker', and I woke up.

I am nervous that I am not writing this down correctly, but it is to the best of my memory at this point. I've had other prophetic-like dreams before (one concerning the mobilization of my National Guard unit), and these 'feels' just like that. I just have no idea what to think about it. This morning I made myself stay awake to remember and jot down some notes - at least concerning the last one. I am going to try and keep turning this over in my mind. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something. Who knows.
Verse for today:
Genesis 41 : 32, ESV
And the doubling of Pharaoh's dream means that the thing is fixed by God, and God will shortly bring it about.

Wierd dreams

I cannot remember the last time I woke up in a cold sweat, but last night broke the trend. I am having a hard time remembering the specifics as I write this but it went something like this.

Me and one other person, I can not remember who it was (if I know them at all), were standing around what seemed to be some sort of heavy duty well cap. There was something inside really trying to get out, and it was pounding really hard.

This dream cycled through at least three times. All I know is that when I woke up I was wide awake, and I went to my knees in prayer. I have never really been any good at interpreting dreams - especially my own - but I do know that I was pretty disturbed by it.

Verse for today:
Romans 7:18-25, ESV
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Strange emotions today

This morning I was jarred awake during a dream I had. I didn't remember much, but I remember roaming around what I think was a subway system - looking for someone. There were a lot of dark shadows... When I woke up I just remember being compelled to pray for those heading overseas. Especially since I know a lot of them. One being my brother - who I am not going to be able to catch up with before he heads out of town. :( I even read a story about Woodruff, the reporter who was severely injured in Iraq last year (maybe it was two years ago now), and it struck me that I may not see some of the guys again. Verse for today: Psalm 63:5-10, ESV My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. But those who seek to destroy my life shall go down into the depths of the earth; they shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be a portion for jackals.

A Tale of Two Dreams

This morning I was reminded of two dreams that I had just after I was born again back in 1989. I don't think they are anywhere on par with the story in regards to literary quality - it's just the title that came to mind. The first dream I had went something like this. I am in a long line that goes into a mountain cave like opening. Picture a line like any for an amusement park ride. I was in-line with another person that I could not identify but we were like twins. The line led to a very tall ladder that I could not see the top of. While climbing the ladder there were diving boards at periodic points where people would go out and dive off into an abyss. Every once in a while people from above would smack onto a nearby board and bounce off continuing on down into... nothing. An obvious impression of dread and darkness was everywhere. At some point there was a "man of light". He urged me to follow him and leave the cave. Although I hesitated I did eventually follow him, along with my 'twin'. The second dream was a continuation of an then recurring dream. In my dreams back then I would often find myself running through an appocolyptic city. Running from one bombed out building to another. Crashing through walls, climbing over debris, just running and running. Not really sure from what. Until I had this dream. At some point I realized that "I don' have to run anymore." I stopped, turned around, and saw a snake that was chasing me. I reached down, picked the snake up and said, "I don't have to run from you anymore". I was saved in August of '89 and I had these dreams in October. I still remember them vivedly even after all this time. After I was married I realized that my 'twin' in the first dream was my wife - even though I did not meet her until September of 1991. She was born again in October of 1989. Recently I have begin remembering my dreams again. For a very long time I thought I just did not dream any more, but they seem to be coming back to me. I think I cam going to keep a log of them... just to see. Verse for today: 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, ESV Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.

A tale of two dreams

Not sure why but I felt led to share a pair of dreams I've had. Almost fourteen months apart. The first one I had in October/November of 2005. I had recently received word of a possible deployment for my unit. The dream begins with me standing on 'any-street-USA'. Some kind of alarm sounds throughout - sort of like air raid sirens. For a while I am working desperately to get to "the station". Long story short... I arrive at the station ready to respond to the call (full equipment, etc.) but the station is empty. I arrived just as the trucks were pulling out and I watched them leave. I remember standing around thinking "no what". In time I ended up not getting deployed. Last week while it was still uncertain about my future with the Guard I had a different dream. It was a much darker background than the first, but I was gearing up for war. Body armor, weapon, other equipment. But not like you'd see on CNN. It was more like the kind you see in a computer game. I remember the distinct impression that I was some sort of Isreali special operations soldier (no offense to those who really do that - be they Isreali, Muslim, or American). Now, in my younger days I would have said "HOOAAH"!, but in my middle age I am saying something more along the lines of, Hmm... :) Both of them have been tumbling in my mind over the past 48 to 72 hours. After the first call up came and went without me I thought that the dream was showing me that. I had no idea about the second dream. I thought it was just a testosterone induced deal. But the past few days they feel like they are related some how. Especially in light of my not being invited to a dance for the second time in the past eighteen months. I am not sure what the future holds... and my dreams are not necessarily prophetic, but I know God has shown me things in and through them before. Exciting times... Verse for today: 2 Timothy 1:3-7, ESV I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.