Promises of Spring
Winters night chases the sun
Mirage whispers on
-=-=-=0=-=-=-
Winters night chases the sun
Mirage whispers on
-=-=-=0=-=-=-
Back in August of 1989, when i prayed for Christ to come and make a home in my heart, i remember having two thoughts run simultaneously through my mind as the young man asked me questions about sin, my need of a Savior, etc. I recognized my own fallible ideas and how they were broken against the truth of God. 
Since that time i cannot recall having the same thing happen again... until recently. For about the past three of four weeks i have been really struggling with my relationship with my beloved. The only way in which she has changed has been to return to work. Well, that's not entirely true. Her entire demeanor has improved. She is happier, she seems healthier, she is more motivated overall, but for some reason i have been feeling like i am losing her. Like she is drifting away. My body has literally been at war with my mind. I feel like i am letting her down because i am another thing she has to worry about, one more thing to take care of. I think i need to pursue some kind of counseling/diagnosis. ASD/Depression... something... One thing i have been doing is praying and really trying to talk to someone... anyone. Even though my Beloved and i had an "intense time of fellowship" on Friday/Saturday... it was good to work through some of the things. The road is still rough, but God is faithful.
Since that time i cannot recall having the same thing happen again... until recently. For about the past three of four weeks i have been really struggling with my relationship with my beloved. The only way in which she has changed has been to return to work. Well, that's not entirely true. Her entire demeanor has improved. She is happier, she seems healthier, she is more motivated overall, but for some reason i have been feeling like i am losing her. Like she is drifting away. My body has literally been at war with my mind. I feel like i am letting her down because i am another thing she has to worry about, one more thing to take care of. I think i need to pursue some kind of counseling/diagnosis. ASD/Depression... something... One thing i have been doing is praying and really trying to talk to someone... anyone. Even though my Beloved and i had an "intense time of fellowship" on Friday/Saturday... it was good to work through some of the things. The road is still rough, but God is faithful.-=-=-=0=-=-=-
My favorite team in the National Football league is the Carolina Panthers. I know, you all are shocked. 
Anyway, coming into the season i had my doubts about the Offense, but the Defense looked really good in the pre-season and i had some hopes that they would keep them in the game until the offense could come together. Unfortunately, i have not seen a real sign of life out of the defense until yesterday. As a long distance fan i am seeing some improvement on both sides of the ball... but i don't think it will be good enough to pull out a .500 season. I want to see Coach Fox back next season... but the media has pretty much written him off. 8( I had hopes for the Panthers being 3-2 going into their bye-week... but, 1-4 is the best i can hope for... but the Chicago Bears defense is looking VERY good. *sigh* I don't think i want to renew my usual Gentleman's wager with 'LT'.
Anyway, coming into the season i had my doubts about the Offense, but the Defense looked really good in the pre-season and i had some hopes that they would keep them in the game until the offense could come together. Unfortunately, i have not seen a real sign of life out of the defense until yesterday. As a long distance fan i am seeing some improvement on both sides of the ball... but i don't think it will be good enough to pull out a .500 season. I want to see Coach Fox back next season... but the media has pretty much written him off. 8( I had hopes for the Panthers being 3-2 going into their bye-week... but, 1-4 is the best i can hope for... but the Chicago Bears defense is looking VERY good. *sigh* I don't think i want to renew my usual Gentleman's wager with 'LT'.-=-=-=0=-=-=-
My fascination with MouseHunt has not abated... despite my grinding out a run through the "King's Gauntlet". To help change the pace up some i have taken to moving away from the Gauntlet on weekends to hunt in other locations. This past weekend i revisited the Catacombs/Forbidden Grove/Acolyte Realm. It was fun to work on plussing up my count on some of the various mice to work on earning membership into the "MouseHunting Century Club" at some point down the road. I still have almost 20m points to go before i can even hope to make a run at Zugzwang's Tower, so...
-=-=-=0=-=-=-
About a week and a half ago my beloved and i hired a tutor to help PIRATE with his homework twice a week. We needed someone who knew how the teachers were assigning homework, the atmosphere there in his school, and someone who had experience in dealing with ASD students. We were blessed when one of his aides said that they would love to help him and we jumped at the chance. So far it has been working out wonderfully. I know i was struggling to help him with his homework, and with my beloved working again she has not always been available to help. If this helps him navigate the waters of middle school and beyond, it will be money well spent.-=-=-=0=-=-=-
I had an interesting dream this week. In this dream i was searching for my mother (she passed away in 2000). I was searching through some kind of institutional-like building. A lot of residence like halls, that kind of thing. It was not a frantic search, more like one of someone just searching through an unknown location for someone or something. When i got to the floor (the 8th, not sure if that is 'significant' or not), i got to just out side of her room (#874 or 824 or something close to that). There was a plastic-like container... with familiar symbols on the bottom... i remember breaking down crying... but now that i am so far removed from the dream i don't remember why. There were two men there... only one spoke to me, the other dropped out of my peripheral vision. I woke up at that point... and i don't know if it is because i wanted to feel this way... or if perhaps the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me... that my mom had indeed been assigned a room (John 14:2)... or maybe it was showing me my assigned room... but the whole dream seemed to be me searching for her... so... i dunno.
No comments:
Post a Comment