Why do i do these things to myself?

I think i mentioned earlier this week, or late last week, that i entered myself into an amateur writing contest. It is not a very large contest, and there are no prizes. But this is not what vexes me (because i really enjoy writing). I am also (temporarily) leading our Bible Study (home/care/small group) and i've not yet fully prepared for tomorrow night. Obviously the priority is to be prepared for the Bible Study, so that will need to be my focus for at least the next 36 hours or so. Last night i had set a goal to add only 250 words to the first draft of my entry in progress (for the competition), and i managed to crack out over 500. I was very happy. My process for this story was, 1) come up with the setting, 2) create the main character, 3) have 2-4 "big rocks" that i want to have in the story, 4) just start typing. I don't have the experience or luxury of time to be more thorough, but i am hoping that this experience will give me a fresh set of eyes on my work. Mostly in the past i have written my stories, maybe give it a pass over edit once (maybe a second time), but that's it. I've been too concerned with some kind of rejection - that the mistakes i've made would somehow ruin all of the 'passion' i've put forth creating the story. The sad thing is, if you don't polish off the gem when you first pull it from the ground - it will forever only look like a rock. It will never glitter and shine unless it is cut and polished. So, for this endeavor i have asked an Internet friend to help me. Once i reach my desired length and conclusion (between 1.5k and 5k words) i am going to send it off for her to highlight and mark all up with a "red pen". Then i will go back over it and try and clarify things as best i can. I need an outside objective person to look it over because i rarely see my own mistakes. Especially so close to when i first put it "on paper". Sort of like my blogging... i know there are a lot of mistakes, and maybe it keeps regular readership away, but these are most definitely first draft posts. An idea comes to mind, i blog about it - hopefully in a coherent way - and i post it. Not much editing once the blog is posted...

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