Musical Monday

Welcome to an earlier-than-usual-edition of Musical Monday. This weekend was my drill weekend and getting up at, or before, the crack of dawn makes it hard for me to readjust back to normal routine. So, I let my beloved turn off her alarm clock and got up and help DS1 out the door for school. Thus the reason I am up and posting this earlier than usual.

God has been using the song I am choosing for today, in my life lately. I go through cycles where it really feels like I am not doing anything right. And truth be told, if you look at the world as a series of absolutes, black and white if you will, like I tend to do you will see that those 'feelings' have merit. In my personal life I really like to do things right. I want people to like me, I want the things I do to have the maximum affect and always be spot on. When I am put in charge of things/soldiers I want things to run smoothly and by the book. For the most part God has really helped me to allow grace, to allow for the fact that things will no always go right, things will not go by the book. But when it comes to sin, God is black and white. "If you lust in your heart you are committing adultery." "If you call your brother a fool (even in your own mind), you are guilty of murder." (Both quotes are paraphrased, the exact wordings can be found in Matthew 5:28 and 5:22 respectively.) And I have many sins, and one that pains me every time, and yet I enter into it with eyes wide open, I repeat my 'mistake' over and over again. I question if this will be the time God's grace will be pulled from me. I pray for His forgiveness, His strength to change, His grace and mercy to continue, I pray that God would just reach down and touch my heart and mind and that I would be dramatically changed. But so far all I hear is (and this is powerful), "My grace is sufficient for you," 2 Corinthians 12:9. Anyway, both on the way to srill, and then again on the way home the song "East to West" by Casting Crowns was playing on the radio.

East to West
by Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning, in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You
But You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Jesus You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
In your arms of Your mercy I find rest
cause You know how far the east is from the west
from one scarred hand to the other

I so long for the day when I no longer struggle with sin. I want to be face to face with my Savior and no longer pain Him with my sin.

I hope and pray you all have a wonderful day in the Lord. May His rich and abundant mercies and blessings pour out overflowing in each of your lives.
Verse for today:
2 Corinthians 12 : 8-10, ESV
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

* I am no Paul, and I am not comparing myself to him. But God is using these passages in my life of late