Ever see the train derailment scene in "The Fugitive"?

That is kind of how my thoughts feel this morning, so sit down and hold on.  This is going to be a rambling ride! 8)

Well, to start things off... i do not have a Music Monday offering this week.   I've just not had my head wrapped around worship songs of late.  I still love music, especially music that extols the Lord, but i've just not "been there" so to speak.  Hopefully i will have one for next Monday.

My Beloved and i actually got out on a date Saturday night.  I know, we couldn't believe it either.  We "cashed in" some points to get movie tickets and went to see Up in the Air.  Over all we liked the movie, but we were not overly happy with the story line (specifically the ending).  What we did like was the changes George Clooney's character made in his thinking and life.  In many ways it can challenge you to think about your over all life choices, and that can be a good thing.

Yesterday, overall, was nice and relaxing.  I got the kids all up for church (me beloved has been sick of late) and when we got home, DD went over to a friend's house for the afternoon, DS1 was taken to the movies by his mom (my Beloved of course ), so it was just me a DS2.  He had some homework to do so while he was doing that i watched some NFL playoffs, and during his breaks we played some Mario Cart.  Later we watched Merry Madagascar and played a little bit more.  Then when he went off to play more Mario Cart by himself i started up a fire in the fireplace, kicked back and watched yet more NFL football, and scribbled notes in my notebook about short story ideas.  The Cardinals and Packers game was fun to watch as i am not a particular fan of either team (i enjoyed the Panthers x2 overtime win against the Rams more, but i am prejudice in that regard ), although i was rooting for Kurt Warner.  Next week i am cheering for the Saints, the Ravens, The Chargers, and the Vikings.

Last week my Paternal Step-Grandmother (i never really knew my "natural" one) passed away a little unexpectedly.  She was in her 80's so it is not a complete surprise, but no one really knew she was sick (it was a respiratory thing).  Every year she would make up this Lemon Bark... YUM!  Everyone we shared it with really likes it too.  This year she also sent my beloved and i a crocheted blanket.  It's so soft and warm!  When i told my beloved she was heartbroken and was despondent about not having sent her a thank you card yet.  It's at times like this that i REALLY feel disconnected from the world.  I didn't feel sad... i still don't.  Confused maybe.  But to be honest i really am not sure how to feel.  I wanted to react like my beloved did, but just can't.  I went back and forth about going to her funeral later this week.  Mostly because of the cost, but my beloved has really encouraged me to go.  it will be three days overall.  About eight hours out, then the next day the memorial and funeral, then about eight hours driving back home.  She was the last of my Grand Parents to pass away.

The subject of "being all things to all people" first came up last week at a fellow "Elf Blogger's" web site (Thoughts of a Wood Elf), and seems to have been a recurring theme in my life of late.  The scripture reference is 1 Corinthians 9, specifically verses 19-23.  I am "chewing" on what Paul was meaning, as well as the verses of not being a stumbling block to others.

In closing God has taught me a lesson this weekend... well, i hope i have learned it.  You see... i can tend to get obsessed over some things.  I've noticed this trend in myself, and sometimes i am able to discipline myself to refrain until the urge passes, but on Friday this was not one of those times.

Recently i was doing some "research" in regards to one of the characters i am writing about.  In desiring to know more about the background of this particular "profession" (for lack of a better word coming to mind) i began to Google my query.Eventually i learned that Games Workshop had indeed written an article about the particular subject i so desired.  And since it is their "world" afterall, i REALLY wanted to get my hands on that particular article.  So, in my haste i did the following things, 1) I went to a Fansite and posted on their message board what i was looking for, 2) i then found it on eBay and placed a bid for the magazine.  3) Later i happened to mention to "Tulip" that i was searching for something and how i wished i had her amazing WWW searching skills.  Later she comes back and tells me about this Gaming store on-line that had the exact issue i was looking for.  In my haste i bought the magazine from the store.  Then, later on in the evening someone responds from the Fansite and tells me that he is willing to ship it to me FREE!  So, because i am not patient i will now have three copies of the magazine that i would like to have.  If i had been patient i would not have had to pay ANYTHING for this article.  As it stands i have paid for it once so far, i am on the hook for the eBay auction should i win it (which is pretty likely).  Sometimes God just lets us running face first into the walls when we are really not seeking Him first.

And in other newz

What a crazy couple of days. I had a song all picked out for my "Music Monday" offering, but it's gone now... completely left my brain. Today has not been much better... so despite my efforts to avoid ramblings... today is going to be a rambler... First i would like to say how good the Panthers' victory over the Arizona Cardinals felt as a fan. The Panthers are only 3-4 so far this season, and they are a far way from being able to work their way into the playoffs, but since that embarrassing beating the Cardinals put on the Panthers in the playoffs last season the Panthers have been playing like dirt. The game on Sunday was not perfect, but it was executed very well. Six turnovers, the special teams played well, and the offense had zero turnovers with over 200 yards on the ground. Next week's games against the '7-0 New Orleans Saints is going to be a huge test. If the Panthers pull off a win next week i will begin to believe that a 9-7 season is possible again. I want the Saints to go 14-2 and on to the Super Bowl if the Panthers aren't going to represent the NFC South. I know i will be accused of being a bandwagon fan, but i had a place in my heart for them when they were the 'Aints. Flair has become an obsession. A thing i can collect without it costing me money or taking up room on a shelf. Last week a friend was sharing pictures of when he was in Iraq and i wanted to honor him so i set out in search of a new piece flair. I found the one on the right here. I like how this picture has the soldier in silhouette with the clouds and sun behind him. The outline is as such that you can tell it is a soldier, but that is it. It is generic enough to represent all of the service men and women who are serving. Not just in Iraq but every where. I added it to my collection, and then sent it to all of my fellow soldiers that i am friends with on facebook. When i was a wee lad back in the 'hood (i.e. the suburbs of Northern Virginia) my mom struggled to keep things afloat and worked two jobs. This left my brother and me all alone. As a result i had little supervision after school and took to wandering the neighborhood, bike riding, etc. One of the neighborhood shops was a little pizza place. It is where i played my first game of pinball. It was on old style deal with mechanical tumblers for the score and only two banks of targets to shoot the ball at, but it captured my attention. The chunk-chink-chunk of the mechanics resetting every game, the sharp crack of the ball jumping and smacking the glass. This was around the time that video arcades started becoming popular. The thing is i did not have the means to get to places like Putt-Putt, so Pinball became my main form of diversion. Later when mom would drag my brother and me to the her favorite watering hole (this became common enough practice i was on a first name basis with pretty much every bartender) i saw my first electronic pinball game. Electric bumpers, digital scoring. The Black Knight and Buck Rogers pinball machines were practically mine whenever i wanted. I got so good that my mom could give me a roll of quarters and i could entertain myself pretty much a whole Saturday. As i got older i found it harder and harder to actually get to where the machines are and picked up my first PC pinball sim. Well, in reality it came with windows, but it whetted my appetite. Eventually i learned about "Pro Pinball". This company made some really good PC pinball sims. My first being "Fantastic Journey" (pictured left). Eventually i picked up all four (The Web typically not bundled with the other three) to play. Recently though... i've not been able to play them at all as Windows seems to have a thing that if you hit a key repeatedly it does something funky and i've tried disabling it... but to no avail. At least not on the old XP version of windows. Maybe i will try and reload them on a Vista machine. If any readers out there can help me i would be grateful. 8)

The Carolina Kittens are on the prowl

Words escape me right now. I like Jake Delhomme. He has been the best Quarterback the Carolina Panthers have ever had... but you can't ignore what's been happening on the field. Ever since the playoff game against the Arizona Cardinals last season Jake has been... well... bad. He has been having trouble finding his receivers consistently, and all too often he's been finding the opposing team. Thirteen, i like the number thirteen. Maybe because i really try and buck superstitions... but i have nothing against it. It's just a number. Unfortunately it's the same number of interceptions Jake has thrown this year. It's also the number of times he's been sacked. Neither are good. Four is another number i like. I'm not sure why really it just kind of... speaks to me. I think because it has an image of four sides. Four is also the number of touchdowns Jake has thrown this year... none of them to a wide receiver. Ever since Wesley Walls left for Green Bay i've wanted the Panthers to incorporate the Tight Ends more... but this is not a good number either. Especially since we are going into game seven this weekend... incidentally against the same team where this current trend started. Speaking about the number four, 4 is the jersey number of the Panthers oldest team member. He turned 40 today. On Sunday the Charlotte Observer had a really nice article about John Kasay (you can read it here). John has been a pretty steady influence for good around the locker room of the Panthers. He is the kind of man that people are drawn too, and he's been a consistent witness for Christ too. He is a humble man and does not like the spotlight at all. When he makes a 50 yard field goal i am so happy for him that i cheer pretty load, and when he misses a kick i feel bad for him. From what little i truly know about him i want everything he does to be blessed and successful - but i am pretty sure he knows that all things are working together for his good (and mine, and the Carolina Panthers players and staff). Unfortunately he too had a bad day last Sunday (unfortunately you can read about that here as well). At least once i pray that God would allow him to experience a Super Bowl win - maybe erase the disappointment he feels for his performance last time. I don't think he would see his overall personal value tied with such an achievement, but... still, i wish nothing but the best for him. The defense has been pretty good too, and that is what makes this even more hard to bear. For the past two weeks the defense has swarmed the opposing offense, even scoring a safety in each game. Not an easy feat to do twice in one year. Now i am hearing that the Coach Fox is considering benching Jake. I want him to succeed more than almost anything, but even he is seeing that he is not getting the job done. All i can do is wait and see what the coach will do. Personally, i like symmetry. I would like for nothing more than for Jake to get the nod this coming Sunday in Arizona and for him to have the game of his life. Four touchdowns, no interceptions or fumbles, 400+ yards, and for the Panthers to redeem the terrible loss from the playoffs last year. The Bible teaches me to have faith, that if i have it even in as small a portion as that of a mustard seed mountains can be moved... but i find myself doubting. That is how bad i've been shaken. I have lost confidence in the quarterback of my favorite team. I will pray for Jake to pull himself out of his slump... i will pray for a win for the team - without injuries to either team. Above all i will ask God to have His glory shown throw the game and those who play it... no matter who wins.

Ramblings for a Tuesday

Ok, i know i was not alive when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, but how many of you all are not intrigued by all of the conspiracy talk? I have been to Dealey Plaza and the conspiracy museum there. I have watched countless specials on the History Channel and to be honest i still have no clue as to what truly happened on 22-Nov-63. In many ways i feel that we are still feeling the repercussions of that era in our political climate today. With all of the J. Edgar Hoover and FBI investigations that preceded it, and the conspiracy whispering it has bred a fed a level of distrust between the major political parties of America, not to mention the somewhat distrust of the American government and the people. I have my own thoughts as to the why and how, but the truth is i don't know for sure. I am even more unsure how this land will ever heal completely. Our little "experiment" is idling pretty rough of late. It's no wonder a Russian professor has declared that America will collapse by 2012 (read a Wall Street Journal article here). Democrats and Republicans often go at it both overtly and covertly. There are many citizens who are so deeply rooted in their belief in one party or the other they spew "poison" to anyone or thing aligned with the opposite party. Perhaps the spiral began during the Cold War right after WWII. Until we can truly get some kind of consensus in this country we will continue to lose our influence around the world. I don't have the answers, but i know what i feel... and i am not liking what i am feeling in regards to the state of my country. Ultimately my security is not found in my country, or even on this Earth. I do pray for my President, my country, my leaders, but mostly i pray for my family. That God would reveal Himself and that He would draw them close to Him. This past Sunday "my" Panthers pulled to within seven wins to make this all i'd hoped for before the season began. They managed an ugly win over a severely struggling Tampa Bay Buccaneer team. I am still not booking additional seats on the bandwagon. The next three weeks will probably set the tone of my expectations throughout the rest of the season. They host the Bills this Sunday, then they travel to Arizona and New Orleans. If they can pull of a win in 2 out of 3 of these games i may believe they will pull out a 9-7 season. This Sunday i was able to listen to the game via the NFL Mobile Live application on my cell phone. I hooked up some old computer speakers to it, and of course it was plugged into the wall for power, and listened to it while i painted DS2's room. Really cool. So, last night i am finishing up the little chores around the kitchen and i glance over at the computer to make sure it's turned off when i see that IMDB had a link to a new Book of Eli trailer! All i can say is i am even more interested in seeing this movie when it comes out in January. I know there are a lot of ways that this can spin badly for me as a Christian... but i must admit i am hooked and will most likely drop some of my money down to see it opening weekend. I have just read back over my blog for today... wow. I even took my Strattera this morning. Especially that first paragraph. I may have to limit these rambling blogs to just one or two topics at a time. In closing i did want to share that i have begun noticing an increase in my passion for the things of God of late. I hope that it has been coming through in my blogs of late.

Yet more ramblings

This past Sunday was a blur. My family visited another church (for a second time ~ reference my blog from 20091012), DD3 had her last soccer game of the Fall U8 league, DS2 had a lot of homework over the weekend, my beloved was fighting both a cold and DS2 (his homework), etc. As a result i was not able to watch the Panthers and Redskins game until around 6:30. Do you know how hard it is for someone who LOVES the NFL to not watch football on a Sunday afternoon?!? What a game to watch (for me). For the first 35 minutes of game time i was not very fun as a Carolina Panther fan. But things got much better after that. I still have several concerns regarding how the Panthers will do for the rest of the season, but i am grateful to see that they will not go the way of the 2008 Detroit Lions (sorry Amy). The next few weeks is the "softest" stretch so i still feel the Panthers have to win the next two, and then be competitive against both Phoenix and New Orleans - preferably winning at least one of these two, before i really have hopes for anything better than a 7-9 season. Things i liked - it was good to see the defense so dominant again. They were in the backfield, they were sacking the Quarterback. That safty was sweet! What i am not liking is the offensive struggles they had. Jake Delhomme and the receivers seem to be a little out of synch. Also, the running game has got to improve if they are to change their fortunes for the foreseeable future. More specifics have escaped me now that this is two days history. Yesterday, on a whim, i entered "christian tin whistle", just to see what kind of results i would get. The one that intreagued me the most was for Robert Rife. I enjoyed reading his Bio on his website, and glad to hear that he still plays the bag pipes and performs within the region (the North West). He also has some samples from two CD's he has produced, but i was not able to figure out how to order them. I still may not get them, but i was really happy to find a Christian bagpiper and tin whistle player. I was hoping to find some examples of some kind of Christian hymns or 'regular' songs, played on the Irish Whistle. I've wanted to learn to play this instrument for a long time. Who knows... maybe i can learn after all three of my children go off to college. Interesting fact (to me): I was in a bagpipe band in High School. One that was sponsored and run by the school. I only played the tenor drum for a little while but i loved marching with them! 8) And now for something completely different... When i read my morning devotional the first scripture i read was:

And behold, a hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. And he said to me, “O Daniel, man greatly loved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for now I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. Then he said to me, “Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words. (Daniel 10:10-12, ESV)

It seemed like God was speaking to me and my doubts of late. "...your words have been heard..." is an encouragement. For me the verses "Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’" (Matthew 7:21-23, ESV) are sobering. Most Americans, if you ask them, would say that they are a Christian. But it says plainly here... not everyone who calls the Father 'Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven. Does that not strike fear into your heart! So what is the difference between those who will, and those who will not, enter the Kingdom on that last day?!? The key in these verses seem to be "...the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven" and "‘I never knew you’". Of late i have really focused on the knowing, and being known, by Jesus. How can one be 'known' and not just 'known'... kwim? How does one get to know anybody? You have to spend time with them. Spend time not just talking TO them, but with them. Spend time listening. For me this was telling me that my words were not just be sent up, but that He was hearing them. While i need to work on my listening skills - it was a comfort to know that God has been hearing my prayers right where i am. Prayers may not be answered immediately, but to know that He is answering them in His timing is an incredible blessing. Especially since my prayers lately have been for me and my family to be drawn closer to Him and to know Him more.

The writing process and other random ramblings

Have you ever heard a song, seen a landscape or picture and been inspired by it? Have you ever just been moved in a moment by something outside of yourself? Some of you may know that one of my hobbies is that i enjoy writing science fiction short stories ~ but more specifically, stories based in Games Workshop's Necromunda setting. Well, i've been working on what i call my 'novel'. It's really just an overly ambitious short story idea. Well, about two or three weeks ago i was researching for a part of the story when i stumbled across the picture to the left. I had in mind four 'major' characters ~ you know, with other minor ones coming into play in the background, etc. ~ but as soon as i saw this picture i completely rewrote one of them. In addition to having an affinity for the samurai of feudal Japan i have had a love of Elves since i was aware of their 'existence' within literature and fantasy settings. I am not referring to the little Sprite like elves, but those of the Tolkien ilk. So much so that while i was growing up, whenever i played a game with my friends - no matter what that game was - if it was possible to play an elf character 95 times out of 100 that was the character type i was going to play. My gaming nickname was "elf buddy" because of this... and my seemingly incredible ability (i.e. luck) to roll exactly what i needed no matter how long the odds where. Well, this guy here is what is known as an Eldar Ranger. He is the long range scouts for his kind, and conveniently he fit the bill of the archetype Nomad/Scout of one of the main characters. This picture, along with "Tulip's" encouragement of setting reasonable daily goals and my beloved's encouragement to "just do it", has sort of re-ignited my writing of late. Which i am very, very happy about. I do have one concern though. This guy is not the 'hero' of the tale... LOL Last week my favorite team in the whole world, the Carolina Panthers of the NFL, got their rear ends handed to them by the Philadelphia Eagles. It was reminiscent of the drubbing at the hands of the Arizona Cardinals in last years playoffs. Both of those games opened up with a really good drive, grinding it out on the ground culminating with a Touchdown, only for it all to get flushed down the toilet by turnovers. A lot of the blame has been put on the back of Jake Delhomme, and to a point deservedly so. BUT, this is a team sport and i was listening to this past weekend's game... some things i'd like to point out... 13 attempts to Mr. Steve Smith... 3 catches (some of those were bad throws... but these two have been such a tandem in the past...), on one interception the ball was tipped... on the fumble it was a screen pass and the defensive lineman had a clear shot to the QB and popped it lose... which was then returned for a touchdown. Those in the media are already calling for the firing of #17 with severe implications for Coach Fox. Both Coach Fox and Jake Delhomme have been the best in Panthers history... by a pretty wide margin. Now, past performance does not necessarily guarantee future results... but i think it is crazy that people are unhappy unless a team makes it to the championship game every year. I am still dreaming of a 9-7 season for my Panthers. Geaux Panthers! Yesterday i came across Josh Harris' blog and i saw that he blogged about Gollum and man's slavery to sin. I keep a statue of Smeagol on my desk at work. Not because i find it particularly attractive, or because i particularly like the character. I keep it on my desk because i see Gollum as the example of man's depravity... of our addiction to sin. But when i read Pastor Josh's blog on the subject i felt that he put it so much better than i ever did. I was going to quote him in full here... but i am out of time and space for today... i encourage those who stumble across this blog to think about this.