What to write about

Today I am totally clueless as to what to write about. So I will just ramble ramble ramble. :) A friend of mine, who happens to have encouraged me to move to where I live now, is starting a new job next Tuesday. This bums me a little because we live only 4 doors apart as it is, and we currently work in the same building. I understand why he sought out the new job and I wish him well, but my selfish nature wants him to stay here! :) It's not like we are tight. We don't even share very many common intrests. But his wife and mine are very close so we see each other quite a bit. Earlier this week I went ahead and sent an e-mail to my Battery commander and my First Sergeant to let them know about my intention of retiring from the National Guard this summer. I have so many mixed emotions and thoughts over this - but in the long run it is best for my family, and for myself. In so many ways I feel like I am letting the men of the unit down. They are in a difficult situtaiton with being at a low strength level as it is, they are in the middle of a transition, and the way big Army and the Guard Bureau are looking at things right now... I just have too many irons in the fire now as it is. My existing commitments and the responsibilities of being a good husband and father are weighing heavily upon me. It has been a good 20 years (almost) and it is always good to go out on a high note. With all of my words of encouragement to read the Bible, etc. I have been finding it difficult to make "quiet times" a priority. :( I know this is not a good thing and I am convicted in my spirit to not doing more - but by God's grace changes will take place - ever how slowly. There are so many times when I just want to immerse myself in His Word - to wholly devote myself to the the study of God - but then life just gets in the way. I need to eat, drink. I need to earn money to provide for my family. But then right now I am too busy. It is not the mundane that is holding me back. A wise man once told me "free time will never schedule itself". Powerful words. The same man once told me, "I know you don't think so, but you really can work faster". I was his apprentice at the time. :D I was reflecting on what it means to me to be a Christian samurai. The scene in "The Last Samurai" where Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe) is preparing himself to die with the help of Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise) was the one that came to mind. We as Christians are to yield ourselves up completely to the Lord. Katsumoto was dedicated to his lord - his emporer - to the point of death. He belived that in his death he had done this. I as a Christian samurai should be willing to do the same for my Lord. There may be a time when the Lord calls me to be faithful unto death, but that is not likely. It is more likely that I will have to be more like Nabutada (Shin Koyamada) - Katsumoto's son - when he is confronted by the military, and they cut off his samurai's top knot. To the samurai that was a disgrace. My Lord, my God, may call me to a thousand such 'death's, but it is not the top knot that made Nabutada a samurai. It was his heart, his dedication. I am to serve my Lord - faithfully - in any circumstance - to whatever end He has for me. It is not for me to decide when and where I am to die (for example). It is not for me to decide how. I need to be of "no mind" to what the world thinks for that is the fear of man. When I yield to such fear I am in essence telling God that I fear them more than Him. That the world is more important than He is - yet one more stroke open those nails that hung Him upon the tree for me. Verse for today: Psalm 30, esv I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me upand have not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,and you have healed me. O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit. Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment,and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. As for me, I said in my prosperity, “I shall never be moved.” By your favor, O Lord, you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face; I was dismayed. To you, O Lord, I cry, and to the Lord I plead for mercy: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!” You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackclothand clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! & Revelations 2:9-11, esv “‘I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich) and the slander of those who say that they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’