Rambling for rambling sake

I had something (i thought was) profound to say earlier... but i am so tired my mind is all foggy right now.  So instead of trying to fake it, i will just ramble on and hopefully remember what it was before i get to the end of the blog post for today...

I may have blogged about this recently, but the Panthers are just plain awful this year.  The "bend-but-don't-break" philosophy has never been a favorite of mine.  Far too consistently i am seeing/hearing opposing teams having a 3rd and 5+, only for them to convert for a 1st down.  If you get a team to 3rd and long, their conversion rate should be sub .500 at best.  The Special teams does not appear to be winning the contest of field position either.  John Kasay has been doing well, but even he has not been 100% on his field goals.  Not all of the misses are on him, but he is on Special Teams... and well... they are struggling.  The Offense has been the worst of the three teams.  Last week i think the had less than 65 yards passing, and i am pretty sure the running game has yet to go over 100 yards in a game.  At the beginning of the season i was confident that the Panthers would go 7-9, and hopeful for a 9-7 season.  After seeing them go 0-5 into their bye week this week... i think 3-13 might be a stretch.  Don't get me wrong, i am STILL a Panthers fan, and if i had the money and could justify not using it in a more productive way... i would still want to go see them in Charlotte, but this year is a wash and i am on the sidelines with my friends who are Raiders, Lions and Browns fans wondering which team will get the overall #1 pick in the 2011 draft.  (Here's hoping there is a season to play in 2011 though - Owners...Players... i already can't afford to attend the games in person not consistently by the team brand merchandise... and i live in middle America.  Please keep that in mind moving forward.)

With interest rates at crazy historical lows my Beloved and i are looking into refinancing the house.  I just hope i can get all of my ducks in a row AND get an appointment with a mortgage person.  The part i don't like about refinancing is that A) it will extend the final payoff date some, and B) i will find out just how much my home really has "depreciated" since we bought it.  My Beloved and i are of one mind in that God has blessed us with the profit we made on the previous two homes we owned (aka mortgaged), and we are not planning on moving again any time soon... and it is all "paper" money anyway.  In the end it is only worth what the next owner is willing to pay for it.  We shall see.

Have i mentioned a game called MouseHunt before?  No?  Are you sure?  Well, anyway, there is a game on Facebook that is not like the build your own hotel/restaurant/city, etc.  MouseHunt is what is known as a 'passive' game.  That is you assemble a trap, a base and a type of bait.  You then work on various combinations to makeyour trap the most effective it can be.  And strategies change based where in the game you are.  What makes the game 'passive' is that you can "sound the horn" to make a trap check once every fifteen minutes.  but you do not have to interact with the game constantly either.  If you need to walk away you can, and the game will automatically check your trap once an hour, on the hour, but just like in real life... you have to be patient when you hunt.  This past weekend (8-11 October) HitGrab set up a scenario where a toxic spill happened in the Laboratory (one of the hunting locations) where hunters were encouraged to go and gather up the Radioactive Sludge - which is in turn used to craft a specific type of cheese (bait) to attract a specific breed/group of mice.  It is things like that that enhance and prolong my enjoyment of this game.  For some it does not move fast enough, not exciting enough, but for me it is a classic.  You need to vary your strategy, you can "collect" the various breeds of mice, collect the various traps and bases.  There are even different kinds of "journal entries" to be found and enjoyed (IMO) and other "collectibles".  Last weekend i was able to add three more mice to my "collection".  LOL.  I only wish that i didn't have to smash some of my traps in order to make new ones.  Oh well, i will just have to eventually regain the old - now obsolete - trap... you know... just to collect them. 8)

Depression is not always that feeling like you are going to go over the edge.  For me it's the sense of just not being able to do things right.  My mind is always 2 or 3 "steps ahead" and i am unable to fund a "sinning scenario".  It doesn't help that i do not want "to be a bother" to anyone either, so i tend to "suffer in silence"... only i am not sure how much longer i can do that.  Attempts to reach out to a few have not really been all that successful.  I am now reaching thinking about reaching out to a professional of some sort... but then i am worried about money, etc.  Really does feel like a dead end, it is what it is, type of thing.

1 comment:

Alise said...

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle with depression. It is so awful, I know. I pray you're able to find something that helps. Suffering in silence just seems to be suffering and as you noted, rarely is it that silent.

Praying for you, my friend.