20090706

Running as fast as i can and feeling like fried apple wedges

Today my mind is really, really fuzzy. I like to joke that y brain only works on a 16-bit processor, but it is busy with keeping essential body functions running because of recent goings-on in my life so it is operating only at about 50% efficiency right now. My beloved went in for an outpatient deal last week, only for the surgeon to find "a lot more" than he was expecting so he took pictures, considered the options, and backed out. So, in four weeks he will go back in and do a more "thorough" job. Rest and recovery time is expected to be a minimum of four weeks (not even allowed to drive), more likely being six weeks before she will be able to resume her "normal" routine. I am getting pretty nervous. I have arranged to be off the first week after her surgery, and her parents will be in-town for week two (another source of nervousness all together), but beyond that i am going to have to rely on friends. Many have graciously offered to help, but i have not had to really dive in and ask for such a level of assistance before. Each of them are going to have a lot of going on in their own lives, but i am trusting in God.
Even with the things going on with my beloved's health i have been having somewhat of a renewing in my walk with Christ. With all that has been going on in regards to looking for a new church (body of believers to worship with) i have been sensing a desire to draw closer to God. I know that sounds "off". Shouldn't we all feel the need to draw closer to God? Anyway... i am in a place sort of like the man in Mark 9. But instead of "unbelief" i am saying something akin to "I long for You Lord, please help me with my apathy towards You!”. While i have seen an "improvement" in this area, it is not near what i really desire. When i was younger i learned two very valuable things about myself from observations of leaders over me. The first lesson was from one of my Drill Sergeants at the end of my Basic and AIT in 1986. At the end, just before we walked onto the parade field for our graduation i asked him (i still remember his name Drill Sergeant Trotman) oh his impression of me. His response was that i was a good soldier, but that i tended to slack off on my effort when i thought people were not watching. The other was when i was working as a Carpenter's Apprentice. We were building a picket fence. We were in the process of nailing the pickets to the frame of the fence and my arm was tired so i'd stop every few feet and rest. At one point my boss came up to me and told me, "i know you don't think so, but you really can work faster". At the time i heard both of those i wasn't really sure how to take it. but as i look over my quiet times and my own walk with the Lord i see patterns of slacking off, or not putting forth my best effort ~ especially during periods off when i am tired or pressed. So, in addition to praying to ask God to help me change my apathy, i am working on pressing hard after Him ~ even when i may not feel like it. This has influenced my song selection for this week ~ sorry that it is late... again...
One Pure and Holy Passion Give me one pure and holy passion Give me one magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after You Give me one pure and holy passion Give me on magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after You To know and follow hard after you To grow as your disciple in your truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you, my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you Give me one pure and holy passion Give me one magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after you To know and follow hard after you To grow as your disciple in the truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lord to know and follow hard after you And to grow as your disciple in your truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you
Before i go... totally unrelated... but i have found a hat i really want to get for trips like i took yesterday. It's rugged, it can be used for outdoor chores in bad weather, on hikes, or just out and about (except out on dates with my beloved ~ she is not as "in" to hats as i am). Anyway... i am pretty sure i will pick up this hat closer to my birthday.

1 comment:

asacrificeofpraise said...

praying for your wife. and you as you work through this trial.

oh and by the way... you should get the hat! :)
Emily