Discipline - or the lack there of

Being a military man of over 21 years, and a samurai 'enthusiast', you would think discipline would be a defining charecteristic of me and my life. I am here to tell you that it is not. Well, at least not to the extent I believe it should be. By God's grace I was saved into a church that preached about, and lived, and discipled the importance of the Spiritual disciplines. Reading, memorization, quiet times, fasting, praying... but to my dismay and discredit - it is an area that I have never excelled in. I have never even been mediocre. *sigh* I consistantly struggle with sins in my life. The same ones, over and over again. Now I know that, short of heaven, I will never be free of this struggle. But to fall to the same ones repeatedly is discouraging. Why is it that I cannot get myself up consistantly just fifteen minutes early to read, or pray. When I am entrusted to teach or lead some form of small group I am rarely prepared like I should be. I am just really mad at myself for not being more disciplined right now... I should not struggle with this... but I do... every day. Verse for today: Titus 1:7-9, ESV For an overseer, [4] as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound [5] doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.