Music Monday - 20091109

My song today came to me during our praise portion of our Sunday worship (i consider the whole time spent in church as worship - not just the singing part. A really good blog about this subject can be read here). The theme resonates within my soul and really speaks to me. When i heard it is swore it was an old time hymn, but i found out that it is less than fifteen years old.

The message from a lot of pulpits is how much God loves us, and it's very true. But our relationship is not based on what i have done, or whether i am 'valued' or not. It is entirely based on what Christ has done. Too often our focus is on ourselves. How does it make us feel, oh what blessing we receive, oh what can God do for me. Every sin we commit we contribute to what Christ went through. We caused Christ's pain... we each nailed Him to that cross. In the third stanza... we were all there. It is only by filter through what Christ came and accomplished can we really deeply appreciate the love God does have for us, the worth we now feel... after the cross.

How Deep the Father's Love Lyrics & Music: Stuart Towend, 1995. How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure How great the pain of searing loss, The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the chosen One, Bring many sons to glory Behold the Man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, Call out among the scoffers It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom (REPEAT)

Don't get me wrong... i know that i am loved... that i am 'valuable' to God. it is just that my worship of God does not start there, for my salvation was not initiated by me. It was all of God. Lest He call me... my voice would still be calling from the crowd. But praise be to God that He did seek me, and that i was found.

Hello Friday!

This weekend is the dreaded match up between the Carolina Panthers and the New Orleans Saints. When i first checked Carolina were thirteen point underdogs, but depending on where you check they might only be at plus eleven. In the past some of the Panthers best games have been when they are not expected to win against division opponents. I think this game will be a good game - even for just football fans. Most of the games in recent years have been decided by less than a touchdown. I doubt it will be televised on any of my local channels so i will just have to watch it on NFL.com. I will be happy if Carolina covers the spread, and ecstatic if they manage a win. There are some things moving in the right direction for the Panthers. I get nervous though when all the news agencies can focus on is the Panthers or Jake Delhomme's win streak in the Superdome. Sooner or later all streaks come to an end. I am just hoping it's not this weekend. If the Panthers can't win the division and go to the playoffs i am hoping the Saints do it.

This weekend my beloved and i have deliberately kept the schedule somewhat reduced. DS1 has his Social Studies Fair project coming due very soon, DS2 needs a break from all the running around, and DD3, well - maybe we can find a friend to come over, or her go to. 8) The run up to Thanksgiving is going to be crazy busy with some Autism training and a consignment sale coming up. Not to mention the fair projects and normal school work. I am glad that i am taking a couple of extra days around the November holidays to spend with just the family. We need a vacation, but life continues to conspire to keep us too busy. Lately i have been wanting to get back into practicing some martial arts. I am not talking about Bruce Lee or anything, but i would really enjoy Aikido and/or Kendo. Aikido is predominately a defensive martial art that specializes in the redirection of an opponents energy (attacks). Just as in any martial art there is an aspect of "spiritual" philosophy. As a Christian one MUST take the Bible first and foremost into consideration and weigh all teachings against the truth of the Bible. For me the Martial Arts are a physical and a concentration, not a spiritual one. The hardest thing for me though is to find a school close to home, and one that i could afford to go to. I'm interested in Kendo mostly because of the samurai-like images that are present when studying this martial art (DUH!). There is a part of me that really enjoys the intense discipline and concentration that it takes to study and practice martial arts. It has been almost twenty years since i last stepped into a training dojo on a constant basis. I miss it - a lot. If i had to choose just one though, it would be Aikido. But life conspires against me in this as well. Well - i had more to ramble on about, but i am just too distracted. I hope you all have a great weekend, and may God shower you all with an sense of His amazing Grace and a palpable sense of His presence in your lives.

Duck and Cover

Today is another one of those days where my attention is constantly shifting. Tis a good thing i have kept a few notes of some topics to ramble/blog about. 8) Earlier this summer my family and i were at Hershey Park and enjoying a wonderful day. My only "issue" was that the sun was blaring pretty hard and my neck was getting toasty. In the past i've work a simple baseball style hat, but even then i would have to turn it front to back and vice versa to keep the sun off my face or neck. Going even further back i once picked up an inexpensive fedora-like hat, but my beloved kept telling me that she didn't like it. Maybe not in a straight forward manner, but she would effectively convey a dislike for the whole idea. Well, this past summer i decided that in this case... i no longer cared about her impression of the hat deal. I enjoy hats, i like hats... i'm getting a hat (this being decided after toasting my neck and face at Hershey park). We were on our way out of the Boardwalk when i saw the "perfect" hat. I stopped the person wearing it and asked about it. "It's a 'Tilley'", she said. I thanked her and hastily scribbled the web site on my 'palm-pilot' (i.e. the palm of my left hand). Now, before i go on i want to say that my beloved is not against me wearing hats. She just is a little self consious of people's impression of me - something of which i care not - LOL. So, after a little on-line searching i found the "perfect" hat for me. The LTM6 AIRFLO^® Nylamtium^® Hat (pictured to the left). It is lightweight, allows air to flow across the top of your head, has a chin strap for windy days, and has a lifetime manufacturing warranty! They are a tad pricey though. But in the end, when it arrived, i knew it was "my hat". Since then i wear it whenever it rains, whenever i am at a soccer game, or whenever i am just going to be outside for any length of time. I love it. My beloved still struggles with it though. In the end i've told her that it is now a part of me. To love me is to love the hat. I've told her, "the hat plays". 8) Now all i have to do is finish my walking stick that i've made. It is sanded down, decorated. All i need to do is put a thick layer of something on it. lol

Thomas Jonathon "Stonewall" Jackson

For some time now i have had an interest TJ "Stonewall" Jackson. His character, his success, and his faith have all intrigued me. My interest started back in grade school when i first learned about the American Civil War and the Battle of Bull Run specifically. Over time i grew to learn more about the man, and the soldier, and the legend.

When i was still commuting 2 1/2 hours a day i checked the book "Stonewall in the Valley: Thomas J. Stonewall Jackson's Shenandoah Valley Campaign, Spring 1862", on tape. What a fascinating achievement. During that campaign Jackson pushed his men to their limits. He has been quoted as saying;

"I yield to no man in sympathy for the gallant men under my command; but I am obliged to sweat them tonight, so that I may save their blood tomorrow."

They became known as Jackson's "Foot Cavalry". Jackson was masked his intentions so well that he often did not reveal his full intention to his subordinate commanders. This often caused friction between them, but when victory was achieved it all was forgotten. There are two quotes that i think sum up my impression of the man as a military leader:

"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit."

"To move swiftly, strike vigorously, and secure the fruits of victory is the secret of a successful war"

But for me the quote that endears me to this man more than any other has to do with his trust in God and that "all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28) is:

"My religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me."

That is the same sentiment the samurai hold. To not fear death and to serve their lord. Only then can one be completely free to serve.

For my last birthday i requested the book, "Stonewall Jackson: The Man, The Soldier, The Legend" from my beloved and i've only recently started reading it. It was recommended to me by a good friend who earned his Master's degree on Civil War studies, and written by Professor James I. Robertson Jr. This book has been hard for me to put down. I often have to switch hands as the 900+ page book is a heft to hold for any length of time, but well worth the read. I cannot recommend this book enough to anyone who wants to know more about Gen. Jackson. This book is a true biography in that it is a work on the man himself and not just his military exploits or idiosyncrasies. (I did learn that the sucking on lemons thing is a myth and not a proven trait. Gen. Jackson was very fond of citrus fruits in all flavors, but he never took to sucking on lemons in particular.)

So far i have only gotten to the end of the chapter concerning Lieutenant Jackson's time in Mexico. It was their he learned that he had the fortitude to stand and command with a clear mind in the din of battle. At one point he was commanding his two cannons practically single-handedly, while under intense return fire. It was said that at one point a cannonball actually passed between his legs. How much is true, and how much is hype is a matter of time and unverifiable by me, but what is true is that his recognition for actions under fire where known Army wide at the time.

Just as with any man, TJ Jackson was not a perfect man. I have not read as to why he chose to fight for the South yet but while i admire men like Jackson, Lee, and Longstreet, i have no doubt in my mind that the end result of the American Civil War was just as it should have been. I am enjoying reading about such details that he was friends with few, often mirthless, and strict in the execution of his duties. There is still much to respect about this man and i am thoroughly enjoying reading this book. This is a work, along with "Stonewall Jackson's Book of Maxims" (by the same author) is one that i am confident that i will read a few times over.

On a personal note, and having an "Aspie" of my own, i think it may be possible that Thomas Jonathon Jackson may have had Aspergers. He has very similar mannerisms. How he approached his tasks, how he could have a single minded focus, how he did not always grasp humor, and how he was incredibly loyal to those whom he did call friend. I will never know for sure, but i am confident of one thing... i will be singing praises to the "All Providential Savior" with him.

And in other newz

What a crazy couple of days. I had a song all picked out for my "Music Monday" offering, but it's gone now... completely left my brain. Today has not been much better... so despite my efforts to avoid ramblings... today is going to be a rambler... First i would like to say how good the Panthers' victory over the Arizona Cardinals felt as a fan. The Panthers are only 3-4 so far this season, and they are a far way from being able to work their way into the playoffs, but since that embarrassing beating the Cardinals put on the Panthers in the playoffs last season the Panthers have been playing like dirt. The game on Sunday was not perfect, but it was executed very well. Six turnovers, the special teams played well, and the offense had zero turnovers with over 200 yards on the ground. Next week's games against the '7-0 New Orleans Saints is going to be a huge test. If the Panthers pull off a win next week i will begin to believe that a 9-7 season is possible again. I want the Saints to go 14-2 and on to the Super Bowl if the Panthers aren't going to represent the NFC South. I know i will be accused of being a bandwagon fan, but i had a place in my heart for them when they were the 'Aints. Flair has become an obsession. A thing i can collect without it costing me money or taking up room on a shelf. Last week a friend was sharing pictures of when he was in Iraq and i wanted to honor him so i set out in search of a new piece flair. I found the one on the right here. I like how this picture has the soldier in silhouette with the clouds and sun behind him. The outline is as such that you can tell it is a soldier, but that is it. It is generic enough to represent all of the service men and women who are serving. Not just in Iraq but every where. I added it to my collection, and then sent it to all of my fellow soldiers that i am friends with on facebook. When i was a wee lad back in the 'hood (i.e. the suburbs of Northern Virginia) my mom struggled to keep things afloat and worked two jobs. This left my brother and me all alone. As a result i had little supervision after school and took to wandering the neighborhood, bike riding, etc. One of the neighborhood shops was a little pizza place. It is where i played my first game of pinball. It was on old style deal with mechanical tumblers for the score and only two banks of targets to shoot the ball at, but it captured my attention. The chunk-chink-chunk of the mechanics resetting every game, the sharp crack of the ball jumping and smacking the glass. This was around the time that video arcades started becoming popular. The thing is i did not have the means to get to places like Putt-Putt, so Pinball became my main form of diversion. Later when mom would drag my brother and me to the her favorite watering hole (this became common enough practice i was on a first name basis with pretty much every bartender) i saw my first electronic pinball game. Electric bumpers, digital scoring. The Black Knight and Buck Rogers pinball machines were practically mine whenever i wanted. I got so good that my mom could give me a roll of quarters and i could entertain myself pretty much a whole Saturday. As i got older i found it harder and harder to actually get to where the machines are and picked up my first PC pinball sim. Well, in reality it came with windows, but it whetted my appetite. Eventually i learned about "Pro Pinball". This company made some really good PC pinball sims. My first being "Fantastic Journey" (pictured left). Eventually i picked up all four (The Web typically not bundled with the other three) to play. Recently though... i've not been able to play them at all as Windows seems to have a thing that if you hit a key repeatedly it does something funky and i've tried disabling it... but to no avail. At least not on the old XP version of windows. Maybe i will try and reload them on a Vista machine. If any readers out there can help me i would be grateful. 8)

The Narrow Gate

My beloved was once told by a Pastor's wife that the verse "Do unto others" was not in the Bible! While technically that is correct, the concept of it is though...

"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12, ESV)

My blog today is not actually about the "Do unto others" but the verses that following along afterwards...

"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy [1] that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." (Matthew 7:13-14, ESV)

The picture that comes to my mind when i read/meditate on these verses is one of having to persistently look to the goal. To make a constant struggle (for lack of a better word coming to mind right now) to stay on course. No cruise control, no coasting. For me part of that struggle is maintaining a balance in my walk with God. I have noticed that God has not allowed me the "luxury" of becoming "legalistic" (again, a word chosen for lack of a good alternative at the ready) in my pursuit of fellowship. For me practices of "read three chapters a day", or "make sure you spend time in prayer at the same time everyday" have been very short lived. You see, i like patterns, i like set plans. So much so that things can become 'robotic'. I am doing them out of habit and i am not concentrating on the task at hand. So for me my life is a pretty good example of Ecclesiastes 3:1-15:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.

I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away. [1](from the ESV)

There have been times in my life when i have had to push, to strive, to seek God in one way... but that season never lasts in my life. There always comes a time when i need to lean more on grace and seek God in another - new/different - way. The saying "there is nothing new under the sun" is also from Ecclesiastes (1:9), but i believe this in regards to a lot of man's bits of "wisdom" be it from Monastic Monks, Hindus, or 'Buddha'. That does not mean everything is good for me.

"All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." (1 Corinthians 10:23-24, ESV)

I think a good example can be found in how i consider myself a "samurai" for Christ. I seek to pursue my Lord (Jesus Christ) like a samurai of feudal Japan would serve his earthly (human) master - but in all things however i pursue to serve my Lord... it must line up with the Bible. For example, if i stumble and fail my Lord (aka as sin) i do not have to commit ritual suicide to appease His honor (or my own for that matter). He has already taken that failure and paid the penalty. I am called to trust and have faith in His grace, His sacrifice on the cross on my behalf. So, in the end i do not see the Ying-Yang symbol as a symbol of some eternal struggle between good and evil. That struggle has already been resolved. Sin may still wage its war, but in the end it has been defeated. No, for me the symbol represents my own struggle to walk the path that God has laid out before me. The path may be straight, but it is i who struggles to maintain that straight line. My own internal struggle between "license" and legalism. Back when i was a "baby" Christian i used to wear a "patch" jacket. They used to be fairly popular in the 80's. The jacket was sort of a canvas in which to put patches, etc. to display things about your beliefs. Sort of like bumper stickers for pedestrians. 8) Anyway, mine was one i had made while i was in basic training. On my left should i proudly wore a Ying Yang Patch (pictured right), and i would often get "guff" from my fellow Christians about it. That "guff" stemmed from a misunderstanding about what it was i was proudly displaying. I was not saying i believed in the eternal struggle of good and evil, what i was saying is that i was proud to be a member of the 29th Infantry Division. We all need to be careful lest we fall, but what is harmful for me may not be harmful for a brother or sister - and vice versa. We all need to work out our salvation with earnest (Philippians 2:12-13). I will end with this:

The next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the housetop about the sixth hour [2] to pray. And he became hungry and wanted something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance and saw the heavens opened and something like a great sheet descending, being let down by its four corners upon the earth. In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. And there came a voice to him: “Rise, Peter; kill and eat.” But Peter said, “By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean.” And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has made clean, do not call common.” (Acts 10:9-15, ESV)

"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7b, ESV)

The Carolina Kittens are on the prowl

Words escape me right now. I like Jake Delhomme. He has been the best Quarterback the Carolina Panthers have ever had... but you can't ignore what's been happening on the field. Ever since the playoff game against the Arizona Cardinals last season Jake has been... well... bad. He has been having trouble finding his receivers consistently, and all too often he's been finding the opposing team. Thirteen, i like the number thirteen. Maybe because i really try and buck superstitions... but i have nothing against it. It's just a number. Unfortunately it's the same number of interceptions Jake has thrown this year. It's also the number of times he's been sacked. Neither are good. Four is another number i like. I'm not sure why really it just kind of... speaks to me. I think because it has an image of four sides. Four is also the number of touchdowns Jake has thrown this year... none of them to a wide receiver. Ever since Wesley Walls left for Green Bay i've wanted the Panthers to incorporate the Tight Ends more... but this is not a good number either. Especially since we are going into game seven this weekend... incidentally against the same team where this current trend started. Speaking about the number four, 4 is the jersey number of the Panthers oldest team member. He turned 40 today. On Sunday the Charlotte Observer had a really nice article about John Kasay (you can read it here). John has been a pretty steady influence for good around the locker room of the Panthers. He is the kind of man that people are drawn too, and he's been a consistent witness for Christ too. He is a humble man and does not like the spotlight at all. When he makes a 50 yard field goal i am so happy for him that i cheer pretty load, and when he misses a kick i feel bad for him. From what little i truly know about him i want everything he does to be blessed and successful - but i am pretty sure he knows that all things are working together for his good (and mine, and the Carolina Panthers players and staff). Unfortunately he too had a bad day last Sunday (unfortunately you can read about that here as well). At least once i pray that God would allow him to experience a Super Bowl win - maybe erase the disappointment he feels for his performance last time. I don't think he would see his overall personal value tied with such an achievement, but... still, i wish nothing but the best for him. The defense has been pretty good too, and that is what makes this even more hard to bear. For the past two weeks the defense has swarmed the opposing offense, even scoring a safety in each game. Not an easy feat to do twice in one year. Now i am hearing that the Coach Fox is considering benching Jake. I want him to succeed more than almost anything, but even he is seeing that he is not getting the job done. All i can do is wait and see what the coach will do. Personally, i like symmetry. I would like for nothing more than for Jake to get the nod this coming Sunday in Arizona and for him to have the game of his life. Four touchdowns, no interceptions or fumbles, 400+ yards, and for the Panthers to redeem the terrible loss from the playoffs last year. The Bible teaches me to have faith, that if i have it even in as small a portion as that of a mustard seed mountains can be moved... but i find myself doubting. That is how bad i've been shaken. I have lost confidence in the quarterback of my favorite team. I will pray for Jake to pull himself out of his slump... i will pray for a win for the team - without injuries to either team. Above all i will ask God to have His glory shown throw the game and those who play it... no matter who wins.