Writer's block, and how to get known

Ok, before anyone accuses me of a bait and switch, the title reflects the contents of this blog, and while it is catchy, the two topics are not directly related.  It is my quirky randomness that drew the two subjects together and thus created the Title for this blog post.  Sorry if it misled anyone.

Writer's block.  Anyone who has ever had a deadline for an essay in High School knows what this is.  It sucks, even when you are not a writer by profession.  I know of a few strategies to get past it.  Go back and rewrite the last sentence/paragraph/page.  Just free write until something comes to you.  Start a new thread until you complete the assignment or something new comes to you.  The second one works best for me, but there are times when nothing seems to work except stepping away for a time and coming back later.  Sometimes months or even a year.  I got to a point in my on going story series that i just couldn't seem to move forward with it.  I backed up, i approached it from various angles... but i am stuck.  I've even considered re-writing some of it.  Such are the perils of not having a start to finish outline i believe.  I outlined some, but since it was an on-going deal i only went so far, and then out paced my outline with the writing.  So... i am going to take a(n as yet determined) brief break from that storyline.  Almost immediately i had another story line concept that i am interested in pursuing.  This one not in the Necromunda setting.  It is still in a gaming system though, because i lack sufficient creativity to create my own 'universe'.  This one will take place within Steve Jackson Games universe of Car Wars.  Yet another not mainstream game - even by table top war gaming standards.  I will see if i can get some short stories off the ground this way.  Mostly, because i just like to write, and i am just not a touchy-feely kind of writer.  I like to write about people that have to eek out an existence out of pretty hostile situations.  As usual the main protagonist(s) will not be some well off, silver spoon fed, aristocrat.  They will be an everyman type deal, and their trials and accomplishments.  I have one character outlined in my head, but i am awaiting some feedback from a friend on the second one.  We shall see. 

Sometime back, if you've actually been reading this blog long enough, you may remember my concern with the following verses:  

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness." (Matthew 7:21-23, ESV)

It concerns me because it clearly shows people who were doing things in the name of Christ, and yet the Lord Himself say, "I never knew you"! How can one who proclaims themselves a Christian, a follower of Christ, not have at least some concern over this statement?!?  My concern does not come because i think the Lord is some kind of vindictive despot.  It is because i know He is a just God.

The Lord descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord. The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Exodus 34: 5-7, ESV)

And the Lord being just is perfectly within His right to dismiss the very people that did all of those things in His name, and yet they are turned from the Throne because He never knew them.  This had me meditating.  I know we are NOT saved by works.  We can never do enough good things to overcome the debt we have incurred, and that we produce good works - not to obtain righteousness, or God's favor - but because of what He has already accomplished by Christ's work.  The concept of grace is not what concerned me... but the walk through life with the firm belief in those works are evidence of the grace, evidence of my heart change, but then when it comes to stand before the Judgment seat and hear those terrible words.  Then, yesterday the Lord showed me a verse within His word that gave me comfort:

Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God. (1 Corinthians 8:1-3, ESV)

I can see how this can be a round robin train of thought.  If you love God, you will do what He says, but we cannot do what He says without His provision, and because, of His grace, but how do we receive this grace unless we love Him?  In the end i find myself praying for His grace to love Him more, so that i may do the things He commands.  In the end it is but for me to love, to serve, to pursue Him, and all my effort and strength is provided by and through my Lord Jesus Christ.

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Loyalty

This morning on my way to the 'Widget Factory" (aka work) i heard the morning drive DJ's talk about a study that says people are more loyal to their soda pop brand (i.e. Dr Pepper) than their employer.  You can read the Reuter's report HERE.  I only caught a part of their discussion on the air as my mind wandered at some point and i think i might have actually just zoned out during part of it.

I thought to my own situation and began to think i must be an odd duck.  I stayed with the Army National Guard for twenty two years, and until recently, i was with the same civilain employer for over 14 years and i would not have left that company if they had not left themselves out in the cold.  I remember once upon a time when a co-worker "jumped ship" for greener pastures only to receive a phone call from him six months later asking me to share his resume with the boss.  I did so, but the boss in turn took the resume and dropped it in his trash can.

In my situation i am more loyal to my employer than my soda brand.  I know there are times when i don't feel like drinking Dr Pepper.  I'd rather have a Coke, or a Mr Pibb.  Sometimes even a Mountain Dew (Voltage is dangerous good in my opinion).  But when i am not "feeling it" at work i am not out looking for a new job.  I do not court other employers to try and get the better deal.

Maybe i need to reconsider my outlook.  I know corporate America is not really loyal to their employees.  When times are tough corporate America will not hesitate to layoff workforce, out source jobs to other countries, or even just not provide pay raises or just cut benefits.  When the corporations are not loyal to their workforce, it is hard for a work force to be loyal to the corporation.

I have mentioned this before, i am not anti-union, but i am not seeing how some of the practices really endear themselves to the world.  I will not elaborate here.  But a case in point where the Corporations and Workforce are mutually not looking out for the other.  The NFL.  PLayers are not trying to cause harm to the NFL as a whole, but they are rarely loyal to the team the play for.  If a better offer comes along, more times than not the player will take the deal.  I don't blame them because when the time comes and said player's performance is not up to snuff the team will cut them contract or not.  "It's just business" is a common phrase.

I feel that is a shame on the whole.  But, such things are bound to happen.  Generally people look after themselves, and that is true from the Billionare owner to the minimum wage floor sweeper.

In the garden God was very specific, "“You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”" (Genesis 2:16b-17, ESV emphesis mine), and yet we (mankind) are not content with everything save one.  We want the whole kit and kabodle. Later on God gives us the ten commandments, which are in essence, 1) No other gods before Him, 2) No idols to bow down and worship to/of, 3) Do not take the name of the Lord God in vain, 4) Remember the Sabbath, the 7th day, keep it Holy and a day of rest, 5) Honor your father and mother, 6) Do not murder, 7) Do not commit adultry, 8) Do not steal, 9) Do not bear false witness against your neighbor, 10) Do not covet what your neighbor has.  (Exodus 20).  If one is honest with one's self... how many times a day are any number of these commandments encroached upon and/or broken by us (mankind, both as individuals and as a race).  And yet, God, the creator of the heavens and earth, is loyal to us.

He has not just cast us aside and allowed us to receive the punishment He foretold us to expect, and that we justly deserve, without providing a way for the penalty of these transgressions to be paid for.  In His mercy and kindness, in His love for us, He has not forced us to accept Jesus Christ as the propitiation for our sins.  He reveles Himself to the world in various ways. He "pings" the minds of the people of His creation and allows them to decide of they accept what He is saying/showing, or if we will listen to "“You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”" (Genesis 3:4b-5, ESV).

He shows his "loyalty" (i.e. grace & mercy) to me by not exercising His just judgment immediately, by sending His Son, my Lord Jesus Christ, to die in my place and to rise again to defeat death.  He remains loyal in that so long as we draw breath it is possible to receive this propitiation, His gift to us, and that he does not hasten such a time so as to cut short any such opportunity.  And He does this, despite our daily lack of loyalty to Him (i.e our daily violation of the verses above).  Now THAT is loyalty in perfection.  How can i not strive to be loyal to the things He brings to me in my life, or Him?

Random thoughts

This morning I awoke a little earlier than usual due to a bizarre dream. I was dreaming that my work computer had some kind of weird music playing that I could not possibly turn off. Near the end of the dream a co-worker (I think) was showing me some kind of prized possession, but it was only a pair of plastic dagger like things (with the dull flat edges and everything). For some reason this disturbed me enough to wake me up. I thought about it some and decided I needed to back off from a few things. Not sure how I came to a direct link there, but... anyway. Facebook is going to take a little hit though. ;) As I lay there praying I decided to pick up and read Matthew 7 (I am slowly reading through the New Testament, one chapter at a time). Matthew 7 starts off with a set of verses that is popularly quoted when someone (usually a Christian) is trying to tell someone "it's none of your business".

"Judge not, that be not judged." (Matthew 7:1, ESV)

A lot of people use this verse to say that they feel that it is not for us to reveal what is perceived as sin in others. But the verse does not stop there. Judging, and trying to help another person deal with sin are two entirely different things. God's Word does a pretty good job when it defines sin (I like to review Exodus 20:1-17 personally... pretty much anything you can think of can be weighed against these verse to see if it is a good thing or not... the trick is to check your own heart honestly). The key is to honestly investigate yourself (taking the log out of your own eye), and then helping your brother with his "speck". Note: our issues are always larger than our brothers. The whole chapter is something that is excellent to study and just "chew" on. Verse for today: 2 Timothy 3 : 16-17, ESV All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God [2] may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Concerns about the term "Christian Samurai"

Recently a fellow Christian who also refers to himself as a 'Christian Samurai', brought to my attention an article from "The Berean Call" titled "Samurai Christians". In it they expresses "concerns" regarding Christians trying to be seen as 'samurai'.

Mainly they raise three points:

1) PANTHEISM AND REINCARNATION.

2) RITUAL SUICIDE

3) CHILD MOLESTATION

I would like to put forth my own reply, for what it's worth.

Item 1 - As Christians there is an obvious answer to this concern. When I refer to myself as a Christian that means I believe in the Bible, and the Bible is very clear. "“You shall have no other gods before [or besides] me." (Exodus 20:3, esv) This is the #1 of the Ten Commandments. As a Christian I believe that there is but one God in heaven, and that 'the heavens' is not God. As a Christian I also believe that there is only the resurection of the dead to stand before God on the final day, there are no 'extra turns'. "And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment..." (Hebrew 9:27, esv). As Christians we cannot be 'double minded' - just as a house divided cannot stand, nor can a man be double-minded (or divided of mind) and still be able to serve God.

Item 2 - I am not God, therefor it is not up to me to determine when I am no longer of use to my Lord. There are a lot of Christian teachings concerning suicide and I don't think I need to beat this horse. No where (that I can find) in the Bible is suicide condoned, and therefor - where my desire to be like a samurai, and the ways of the samurai may contradict the teachings of the Bible, I must conform my thoughts, beliefs, and actions to the Bible.

Item 3 - This is just plain sick in my mind. First and foremost as Christians we are to submit to the rulers that God has established over us (so long as the very same do not 'encourage' us to contradict or go against God). The laws of the United States, and most (if not all) of the world agrees. This is strictly forbiden and there are consequences for such actions.

I consider myself a "samurai Christian", but I am a Christian in the service to the Lord Jesus Christ first, above everything else. I have read Paul Nowak's book "The Way of the Christian Samurai", and I can find no mention of his support for the items listed as "concerns" (my term) mentioned in the aformentioned article. He is quite clear, and I agree, that what we are trying to espouse are the areas of the samurai that can show us ways of being more sincere, more dedicated, more 'single minded' if you will, Christian.

The enemy of our souls is crafty. It is not beyond him to insert strings of Truth wihin his web of lies and disception. This is true of anything we can encounter here on Earth.

I will wrap this up with two quotes from scripture:

1 Thesselonians 5:12-24, esv (emphasis mine)

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, [3] encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

&

Philippians 4:4-9, esv (emphasis mine)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

So, in essence, I consider myself "Kurisuchan" (クリスチャン侍), or a samurai who has the mind of a Christian - or the mind of Christ. Just as I do not feel that any one person, or denomination, has it all perfect in their pursuit of Christ, I know there are things that the samurai of old may have done that I will NOT do. But that does not mean that there are things that they did, that were not praise worthy and worthy of being emulated.

Woman, thy name is Purgatory

Purgatory, or "the final purification of the elect", is the process by which, according to Catholic doctrine, "all who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven." - Wikipedia.com

I know I am not in hell, and I am positive I am not in Heaven. The only other choice could be is Purgatory.


When I got home late from my drill weekend on Sunday I was very tired, and to borrow a phrase from the military my hind-quarter was dragging in the dirt - both physically and mentally. I had not even had a chance to take a shower when my beloved races in the door to dropped of a slightly injured DS1 (he pulled something in his lower leg at his soccer game). Her intention was to drop him off and then, DS1 and I would just go out to dinner and hang out instead of going to AWANA. Well, it was an example of idols coming to the surface (on my part) and really poor communications. I totally lost it and we had an "intense time of fellowship".

I had arranged to take yesterday off from work because I knew I needed time to unwind from the weekend, and I really wanted to spend time with my beloved. It was far from an ideal time for us. I had to mow the lawn, and my beloved wanted time to exercise - neither got accomplished until after noon, and it was not because we were taking time for intimacy. We managed to get through the day until last night my beloved was going over the checkbook and bills (because she is taking the day to day 'operations' back from me since I've managed to thoroughly screw it up in the eight weeks I've tried my hand at it).

I want to declare here and now that as I walk through this time, and I spend time on my knees, I believe God is revealing an idol to me. One that has haunted me for some time now. It's related to me acting like a 'cameleon', and wanting people to like me. But with my beloved I think it goes even deeper. It seems like I want her to almost idolize me... like I want to be perfect in her eyes. This is an extremely dangerous place to be, the Lord God will not sit idly by and allow His children to form false idols or gods. In this situation I am seeing a painful side of Romans 8:28-29. The Lord does indeed use all things for my good - including painful confrontations with my beloved - in order to conform me into the image of His perfect Son, my Lord Jesus Christ.

I titled this entry as I did because I know that I am in the situation I am in with my beloved, because of my own screw ups. We do not have some "heaven on earth" marriage, but it is also - by God's awesome grace and mercy - not some "pit of hell" situation either. I really believe God is the author of marriage (especially mine), and He uses them to help us see our blindspots - and with His grace and mercy - work through the sin He mercifully uncovers in our lives.



Verse for today:
Exodus 34:11-16, ESV
“Observe what I command you this day. Behold, I will drive out before you the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. Take care, lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land to which you go, lest it become a snare in your midst. You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim (for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God), lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice, and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daughters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.

'Black & Blue' Tuesday

In the future, when I look back on what was 2007 NFL season, I may well remember this day. Yesterday afternoon it was announced that Jake Delhomme will have season ending surgery on his elbow. After reading about the pain he was experiencing, and was enduring apparently, I think this is the best for his long term career - but I am disappointed. Not that he decided to have the surgery (because I really do think it is the best thing for him), but because I was hopeful that the Panthers would be able to firm up and make a run for the NFC South this year. It is not a given that the Panthers will now fade away and end up with a better draft pick than originally thought, but it will definetly be a 'charecter defining' (i.e. hard work, blood, sweat, and maybe very little reward for the effort) experience from here on out. David Carr showed some real grit (in my opinion) coming back into that game last Sunday against the Saints. He was in a lot of pain. But I am worried about him as well. The kind of injury that he seemed to have sustained is not only career threatening, but possibly 'quality of life' threatening as well. I am praying that the coaches, doctors, and players involved really take a good look before pressing him back in to play too soon. I would rather see the undrafted rookie free agent (Matt Moore) play and fail, then for something really serious happen to David Carr (or any other player for that matter). It will be interesting to see how the 'charecter' of this team develops over the next twleve weeks - and hopefully longer. I am interested in seeing how players like John Kasay, Steve Smith, Julius Peppers step up and lead this team from within, and more importantly - display their faith for others to see.



Verse for today:
Exodus 4:10-12, ESV
But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”

Eight things about me

Ok, yesterday I found out that I was "tagged" so here it goes: The rules: Each player lists 8 facts or habits about themselves; the rules of the game are to be posted first; at the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and goes to their blogs to leave a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged. 1) I believe that things like solar energy and geothermal technology for the home owner is an excellent idea. But right now the tech is generally out of reach for most Americans, and that is a shame. 2) I tend to speak very literally. I do not like to use "absolutes" when I talk. Even on things I am pretty confident about I will always leave room for the unknown. 3) When I was younger I lived for a brief time with a family that collected old beer cans. They went on outings to look for them and then brought them home to carefully restore them. It was an impressive collection, but I grew up hating beer so... I started collecting soda cans. Before I lost it (long story) I hade over a hundered and twenty different cans. 4) The only 'fight' I am glad I lost with my younder brother was over a woman. I was young and didn't see the signs. In the end she cheated on me while I was away in basic training with my own brother. They got married (which I did not go to the ceremony), had two beautiful daughters, and eventually got divorced. She took him for everything - three houses, two cars, and all the property. My brother ended up with his pickup truck and no cash. 5) I have a hard time with book learning. Subjects like English and History are very hard for me. But Math I can get into. There are things for me to do, problems to solve. History and English require me to read and remember. But I do find that when I take notes I often do not have to go back and review them. My memory and learning seemed very much tied into my hands. :) 6) It drives me nuts when things are left open. Cabinets, closets, drawers. I will open and close the same door three dozen times while working on something if I have to. I will often call my children down stairs from where ever they are, from what ever they are doing, just to close a door they left open. I'm probably scaring them for life. 7) I LOVE praise & worship music. Especially if I am able to really get 'alone' to focus on the words and on my Savior. It draws my mind into the wonders of all that God is. I especially love the songs that draw the attention away from myself and point towards Him.

Jesus, Lover Of My Soul (It's All About You) It's all about You, Jesus And all this is for You For Your glory and Your fame It's not about me As if You should do things my way You alone are God and I surrender To Your ways

8) I have, for all intents and purposes, lived on my own since I was 16. Granted, in the early years I was supported by a vary caring friend fo the family, but I was expected to pay rent, etc. Which I did not always do. After living in seven differnt houses/apartments, and attending three different schools in the 9th grade I had had enough. The next time my mother moved I told her I was staying where I was when she upped an moved again. (And that was after moving twice more in the 10th grade).

Well, I had to search my brain and come up with eight things I was pretty sure I had not blogged about before. LOL I am also having trouble coming up with eight people to tag. I will see who has not already been tagged and edit this post and let them know as well. :)

Verse for today:

Exodus 6:2-8, ESV

God spoke to Moses and said to him, “I am the Lord. I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, as God Almighty, [1] but by my name the Lord I did not make myself known to them. I also established my covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, the land in which they lived as sojourners. Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the people of Israel whom the Egyptians hold as slaves, and I have remembered my covenant. Say therefore to the people of Israel, ‘I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you into the land that I swore to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you for a possession. I am the Lord.’”