20060628

Fear of… what?

I may have shared once before about something I feel the Lord is showing me (and has been for a very long time). Recently (relatively) I have been feeling like the Lord is showing me something new. Not in lieu of, but in addition to the first. Well, in the past week and a half or so, and especially after reading some more of Grace’s “In His Garden”, it has come to my attention I am struggling with fear. I struggle with the fear of man constantly. I know there are times when I (do not) say or do things because I want to be accepted by those around me. And not just among non-Christians – but around other Christians, and even my family. I struggle with fear of failure. I want to succeed. I enjoy succeeding. I like the affirmation received when I succeed – even when it’s just my own. I struggle with laziness. I just don’t want to make the time and effort. With not knowing the end before the beginning I am reluctant to proceed. All of these are ultimately a lack of trust in God. I am saying that my friends or family are more important to me than God. I am saying that God is not sufficient to take care of me. I am saying that I know what is better for me – that it is all of my effort, and none of God’s grace. Is it a sin to call myself a fool? I have been sort of speaking with friends since returning from my vacation. I need to connect with others within the body of Christ at a biblical level. I want them to know that I need them to speak frankly, to know that I need them to pray with me. And I need to get on my knees more. I need to fellowship with my Savior more. And as I get to know Him, then I will begin to conform to the image of His Son. It is not to earn anything, it is to submit and realize Who truly has and knows what is best for me. Right now I am not even sure how to proceed in either ‘event’ that I feel He is taking me through. I am just trying to gather up the information and then sit at His feet… I would like to invite those who read these words to share with me (via the comments, or e-mail, or however God puts it upon your heart) things that God may have put on your heart. I am in need, and I do not wish to shun any avenue in which He may try to reach out to me. Thank you all for your time… please pray for me – and in turn, I want to pray for you all as well. Heavenly Father, thank You for Your incredible faithfulness. That You would take the time to even consider me. But like those whom You healed during Your earthly ministry – You reach out and You take compassion and touch them and heal them in their need. Lord thank You for what You have been showing me all these years, and especially these past few days. Lord I cry out to You. I am insufficient. I am inadequate. I need Your hand to heal me and to help me change into the image of Your Son – my lord Jesus Christ. Lord I would also like to thank You for those who come across this humble blog. Those that come intentionally – as well as those who ‘stumble’ across it. Lord I would ask that You would reach down upon each of their hearts and minds. Father God touch them upon their point of need. Help them to feel Your hand and Your presence. Lord I would ask that You open up their minds and their hearts to all that You would have. Lord, and I ask this for myself as well, I ask that You peel away all the walls and hesitations that they have to submit to Your desires. Help them to see Your glory, and to increase their trust and faith. Lord I believe that You are capable of all this and so much more – help me with my unbelief. I come and ask this in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ, and for His glory. Amen. Verse for today: Proverbs 15:25-33, esv The Lord tears down the house of the proud but maintains the widow's boundaries. The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord, but gracious words are pure. Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household, but he who hates bribes will live. The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous. The light of the eyes rejoices the heart,and good news refreshes [3] the bones. The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.

2 comments:

Bob said...

You know Peter was the same way, scared of the girl when she asked him if he was with Jesus. I think acceptance is something we all struggle with from time to time.................

Josh's Loving Wife, aka Angela Brisby said...

I agree with bob. I can resound with you on struggling to love God more than others, especially spouses and kids.

I was encouraged by your prayer. Thank you.