Showing posts with label comic books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comic books. Show all posts

20130109

The Wolverine - coming to grips with oneself

When i was younger i was fascinated by Super Heroes.  I mean, who wouldn't be right?!?  A being that looks like any other human, that is able to fly, or teleport, or shoot laser beams out of his eyes, or stretch to incredible lengths, or control the weather, etc.  How awesome would that be!  They always stopped the bad guys, and always made sure justice prevailed.  I know it is trendy today for young adults, and even more... mature people, such as myself, to appreciate the comic genre, but it really has been a life long interest for me; although, i never did dive very deep into the various Marvel or DC universes.  To be honest, i just couldn't afford to keep up with even a single title, let alone dozens.  Especially when the story lines 'crossover' between the various titles.

The first superheroes i remember where Superman and the Flash.  I was first introduced to them a neighborhood 7-Eleven (comics and Slurpees).  It was a storyline where they raced each other, can't remember who won now though.  There was then a huge gap from then (i was about seven or eight) until i was in my mid teens (about fifteen).  I was given an X-Men comic. I don't remember the story, but i remember Angel, Cyclops, Phoenix, and Professor-X.  I also remember Wolverine.  I was immediately drawn to Angel and Cyclops.  I had always wanted to fly, and since i have worn glasses for as long as i can remember, that power beam shooting out of Cyclops' eyes was awesome to me.  From then on i went as often as i could, and especially when i was able to scrounge together the money to actually buy a comic book or two.  While i still really liked Scott Summers, Angel wore off, and i began to like some of the others, like Storm and Kitty Pride.  At first i was indifferent, but slowly the character Wolverine really began to 'speak to me'.

When i first saw him in the comic, his rough demeanor, and his hesitation to become a willing member of the team, grated against my own desires in life.  I wanted to be around nice people, and be a part of something larger.  Unfortunately, i was really a lot more like him than i wanted to admit.  Often the other kids around me were not to my liking.  Either they picked on me, or they did not think and act like i did - and that weirded me out.  So, even though i didn't want to believe it, my life really was somewhat parallel to Logan's.  I struggled with my own rage, my own struggle to find out who i really was.  I know some may say that these next recollections are more akin to wanting to look back and see what i am seeing, but this is really how i was.  Two instances readily come to mind.

The first one was when we were playing a game called 'Maul Ball'.  Basically it is a gang-up game where everyone who does not have the ball (be it a dodge, basket, or football) tries to tackle - aka 'maul' - the one who does.  In this case, it was a small game, maybe only four to seven players.  I had the ball and was doing a decent job of keeping away from those who wanted to 'maul' me, when out of the corner of my eye i see my brother just get leveled.  I have no idea why it happened, but i no didn't care.  I dropped the ball and charged head long at this kid, who was about my size, but out weighed me by a good twenty pounds or more (i was a thin stick of a kid, it took me until i was thirteen to break 100 pounds).  He never saw me coming.  Picture an NFL receiver going across the middle who gets decked by a Free Safety.  I laid him out, and proceeded to stand over him, challenging him to get up.  Which, from what i remember, didn't happen (him getting up to challenge me).

The next one was when friends of mine and i were practicing a game called Dagorhir.  It is in essence, a medieval reenactment group, with a fantasy element to it.  Now, these were long time friends, guys i ate lunch with everyday, played Dungeons & Dragons with - everyday.  I liked these guys.  Well, i did something to really irritate a friend who i will call "Tynie", and he let me know it.  I wasn't having it though.  Things got heated and he threatened to shove my cushioned sword down my throat.  That was it, i told him to come down from the stoop he was standing on, and try it.  He took one step towards me and laid in to him.  A single punch to his nose, and down he went.  In my anger i shattered his nose in five places, and cracked it in three others.

While typing those two examples, quite a few others came to mind.  I am not proud of any of them.  I only share them to try and illustrate that i had a side to me that no longer cared about my own well being, that no longer cared about those around me.  My world became so focused on the point of my rage that i was going to commit whatever act of aggression that i had on my mind at the time, come hell or high water.  I am very glad to say that i am no longer this disconnected with the real world.  For one thing... i never had Wolverine's incredible regenerative ability.  The other, i really don't have his skills either.  There was a very real danger that my actions would attempt to 'cash checks' that my body just would not be able to support. 

Even as my mind was slowly awakened to the real world consequences around me, i found myself more and more drawn to the Wolverine character.  As the writers and artists and Marvel slowly fleshed out his storyline, i liked him even more.  With his sense of honor and martial prowess... it's weird - most likely - but, in a lot of ways he is a 'hero' to me.  A fictional one, but one nonetheless.  I liked what i saw in him, and i wanted to be him.

Well - it's been many a year since i last bought a true comic book.  They've gotten even more expensive and i can afford them even less now.  I have bought the occasional graphic novel - which is usually nothing more than a handful of issues compressed in to one volume, and the adverts removed.  Which is much more preferred by me actually.

In the end, and this irks me to admit this, but Wolverine has been my overall favorite comic book character.  It irks me because he is arguably the most liked Marvel character.  I can't speak as to why other people like Logan, but for me it came down to all of the things i saw in him, that i also discovered in myself.  I saw a man who felt lost in the world he was compelled to live in.  I saw a man who struggled to know himself, a man who didn't think himself worthy to live among those with such ideals (his fellow X-Men), and yet he had a sense of duty to those very same people.  He thought of himself more of an animal than a man, a creature who struggled to contain his own rage and was a threat to those closest to him, this is why he always kept others at arms distance.  When he met Mariko and learned of honor and the ways of the samurai, he learned how to control the rage within, and a means of an outlet when needed.  He found a purpose, a way to live his life if you will.  For me i never did find a purpose within the way of Bushido, not completely.  For me, my true purpose was only felt when i finally gave in to my Master's call, the Lord Jesus Christ.  In that way we were different... well that, and the fact he was a completely fictional character.



20091021

Ramblings one day at a time

Yesterday, after i already posted for the day... i realized that my ramblings can really get scrambled, and often my random ramblings do not really coincide with each other. Then there are days when i am either too busy, or just out of ideas. This made me think... why am i using up three or more blog thoughts in a single day? Instead try and focus on no more than two thoughts per day, and thus save extra ramblings to post another day. 8) Having said that today will most likely be a cacophony of rambling and random thoughts... so please bear with me. Starting tomorrow i will start new entries and save, but not post them. 8) I felt inclined to check on upcoming concert dates of a few artists and i was wondering why they were all so expensive to go sit in person to listen to them perform. Please don't get me wrong. Music is an art and i completely understand the need of such artists to be able to make a living, etc. so i am not complaining the fact that they charge to go see them, or even that they charge as much as they do. I am merely unsatisfied with the fact that i cannot afford to go see them live. But while i was just skimming over Jethro Tull's page i noticed Ian Anderson had an article up on how and why he picked up the flute in the first place. it's a really good read IMO. For those of you that are interested enough to follow a link, here it is: Ian Anderson's 'How to Play the Flute'. Anyone who 'stumbles' on to this little blog can see my affinity for most things samurai. Those who know me a little better (especially those who know me on facebook) know i really like the Flair application! Recently a friend sent me a new piece of flair (seen on the left here). It of course has been added to my collection. A collection that is now over 450 pieces, 67 of which i have created and shared with other facebookers. The application keeps track of how many 'credits' you have (you cannot add more pieces unless you have credits, which are earned by you sharing with others), but i have no need to worry about running out of those - i have almost 3800 points. Sad, i know. 8) Have any of you all heard of Pandora?!? I LOVE this website. You can stream music to your PC/Laptop/web enabled phone, and customize your very own 'radio station'. Once you create a user account you start by entering in a favorite group. Pandora then scans its own database of music and will play songs not just from the one group you entered, but songs from other groups that have similar play styles. Then, as the music plays you can help it fine tune the station even more by a simple click to tell them if you like, or dislike, and particular song. I've created three stations for whatever mood i might be in and am constantly running out of the free time allotted to me per month. 8) I love bonsai trees. I love how the look. I love the care the person who tends to them takes to not only shape and guide the little trees, but the displays they usually come in too. I think it speaks to a personally desire to shape and guide my own life. Something that is pretty impossible to do completely. In many ways i think humanity's desire to create art - in all forms be it music, painting, drawing, writing, etc. - is directly linked to how God made us. He made us in His own image and He created everything. We share in His ability to love, and create, and redeem. I feel that it is only natural for us to reflect such things, albeit in finite ways. 8) Have any of you ever experienced Deja Vu? I have. Both in the past and just now. I was talking with a friend and it struck me. The words being spoken, the postures, etc. Pretty freaky sometimes. I still remember the first time it happened to me. I was eight and i had just sat down to eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal and i was reading the back of the box. I remember feeling a little weird but recalling it all very, very clearly. It's both pretty cool, and a little creepy. Of course then there is Vuja De ~ the sensation that you have not experienced it ever before. 8) I have a long term place in my heart for the New Orleans Saints. Maybe it comes from a desire to see the underdog prevail. Even before the Carolina Panthers ever played a game i had a soft spot in my heart for this team. For the past few years they have been pretty consistent in playing well. Especially against the Panthers. Now, i will never root for the Saints when they play the Panthers, but when my cats lose to them it does not sting as bad (like when they lose to the Falcons 8( ). When i was down in Louisiana to help in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, i made it a point to visit the Superdome. I've never even been to Charlotte and the Panthers' stadium. Drew Brees has been playing very well, and if the Panthers are not able to make a run for the post season i will be cheering on the Saints. Recently i added a lot of flair (yes i'm back on that subject 8) ). I made sure i had one to represent each NFL franchise, and then i added a bunch of pieces of some favorite comic book characters. One has been Kurt Wagner, aka Nightcrawler. I really related to him as a child. He was different, even among his peers within the X-Men. I liked his swashbuckling style, his background of faith - even though i was not a Christian at the time. While i enjoyed several other 'heroes', Kurt was one of my top. Another one i really liked was the Green Arrow. He is not at all like me - i just always liked the Robin Hood story, and he looked the part. 8) I've especially enjoyed his story line once he made Black Canary an honest woman. Two memories of my childhood come to mind. Probably has to do with the season (Halloween). The first one was one i think i nearly gave my mother a heart attack. She was asleep on the couch on Saturday afternoon and for some reason someone had given me a rubber snake as a toy. Now, i knew about my mother's fear of snakes, but i still coiled that thing up right on her chest with the little rubber head inches from her face! Not a nice thing to do to you mother. LOL Years later she still had shivers, but she smiled and we remembered it with smiles... just not at the time. 8) The other was how i went out of my way to annoy my mother when it came to her superstitions. I would walk under ladders deliberately, pick up any penny i saw on the ground. I would always walk on the other side of posts from her, and if i ever saw a black cat i would deliberately walk in such a way that it would have to cross my path. My all time favorite number is 13, and on and on. I am still like that today. For about the past month i have been running on a treadmill (i.e. going nowhere fast) regarding my writing. Writing is therapeutic to me, and most likely my expression of my desire to create things as related above. I've been scribbling notes like made, and i have several ideas of where i will be going in the near future with each of my various threads, i've just not put fingers to keyboard. I've set pretty reasonable goals to move forward with. 100 words a day, and/or 3,000 words a month with the per day number being a guideline. I've often wondered why is it that i seem to enjoy shows that are destined to not last? I really liked Terminator:The Sarah Connor Chronicles. The storyline was getting really good. Canceled after two seasons. The Unit was a really good show. I didn't necessarily like all of the "home front" story lines (especially where one of the wives was having an affair), but i (of course) really liked the mission side of things. Another Sci-Fi one was Space: Above and Beyond. This one was only on one season. Twenty three episodes, but i enjoyed it a lot. The story line was similar to Starship Troopers (not the movie, the book) in regards to the alien aggressors, but instead of following a "grunt" as the main character it is about a bunch of "flyboys" (and girls, if i can use that in a non-derogatory fashion). The last one i will mention here Max Headroom. This one lasted for two seasons, but that's not completely accurate as there were only ever 13 episodes ever aired (14 including one that did not air at the time). Friends of mine have enjoyed series like Firefly. So far i've not seen it. I am too nervous that i will then put myself on a quest to get all of the shows on DVD like i want to for the four i have listed so far. 8) When i was a kid and had just learned how to ride a two-wheeler i used to imagine i was a World War I fighter pilot. I have no idea why really. Jets were always too fast, and i'd not learned about World War II yet. But there was something about the old era Bi-Planes. I especially liked the Fokker DR1 - the German tri-plane. Even before i knew who Manfred Von Richtofen was. He was never a hero of mine, but i grew interested in reading about his flying career. Just like any legend, it is hard to discern the line between truth and embellishment. Another similar character i liked to read about was Carlos Hathcock. Both of these men became supreme in their military careers in time of war. Heroes and Villains in such cases are more often determined by who wins the war than the true character of such men. Have you ever wondered what you would do it you won the Lottery? Those obscenely huge amounts of money? I think about it from time to time (but you have to play to win, so this may never actually happen). First thing - i would find a way to donate a minimum of 10% of it to my local church and other organizations like Habitat for Humanity and The Dave Thomas Foundation. I would pay off the mortgage to my house right after. Before anyone says anything, the tax deduction is not worth getting $0.15 back on the $1. I would already be in a huge tax bracket from the winnings, and the next year i would be right back to being no where near close enough to one of the lines to make it worth it. My dream from there would be to set aside some of the money for my children to go to college and i would like to take my family on one nice vacation. After all of that, and maybe before the vacation part, i would love to establish what i refer to as 'self sustaining giving accounts'. Accounts that i could draw the interest from to give away to friends in need, or needs that i learn about in my local community. I would love to be able to give like that. Year after year. I say all this with confidence because God has not seen t bless me in such a way - and that's probably a good thing. I am not so sure i'd actually follow through with such noble ideals. Maybe someday i will find out...