Am i white with black stripes, or am i black with white stripes?

First, i apologize for not being  as diligent in writing for my blog of late.  To be honest i think there are times when i just do it for the comments, or some form of acknowledgement of what i do, when the truth is... i don't really reach all that many people.  That's OK.  I just need to learn to get back to writing for why i got in to blogging in the first place, and that was to write for myself, to work out various thoughts, etc.

I really like my Tilley hat, an LTM6 Airflo.  I love hats in general, and i have lost count as to how many hats i have at home.  I try not to buy them (them and bags, like backpacks, etc.), but... my beloved once told me that i didn't need any hats, but i HAD to have one... i just wanted one she liked.  I searched, and searched but i could not find one she wouldn't make some sort of comment on.  Then i saw a Tlley on someone's head while at Hershey Park and i knew that would be my last "had to have" hat.   I hate to say this... but i didn't buy it until my beloved went into the hospital for her gallbladder that i called Tilley's up and ordered my hat.  It's been over two years now... and she still makes the occasional comment, but i tell her, "oh, that hat plays".  In the end, she knows that it is not going to go away, and i have not bought a new hat since.  Tilley has an excellent customer satisfaction policy, and they make a quality product.  I recently thought i lost my hat, and i searched for it for a few weeks.  Finally i call Tilley's back up and it was within the 2 year 'lost warranty'.  I was able to replace my hat for 50% off the listed price.  Then i found my hat... so i sold it to a friend for the price i bought it for.  However, if there are ever any manufacturer defects - EVER - they replace it for free.  This hat is light, keeps the sun out of my eyes, keeps the rain off of my glasses, it is water resistant, it breaths to help me keep the head cool in summer and just enough in to keep it warm in winter.  I wear this hat practically everywhere, i REALLY like this hat.

I finally made the "pilgrimage" to the lair of the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium.  A friend of the wife of an old Army buddy lives in Charlotte and are PSL owners with season tickets.  The game was on Christmas Eve, and they were going out of town to spend time with family during the holidays.  Having never seen a live game there, i jumped at the chance.  Originally it was just going to be me and a friend but he wisely decided not to go when his wife said, "your choice" hahaha.  In the end i took my whole family on a mini-vacation.  It was over a 7 hour trip each way.  We drove down on Thursday night (arriving at 0300... ouch), and i then went to the stadium to take an all too brief tour.  That afternoon we relaxed at the pool and then went to a dinner featured in Guy Fieri's show, 'Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives".  The food was pretty good, but the desserts were fantastic!  Saturday DS1 and i went to the game.  Now, let me say, i prefer to watch the game on TV.  I like the commentary, i enjoy the replays and i really enjoy being able to see the plays "closer up", but there is something to be said for going to the occasional game to be seen live.  The crowd, the food (even though a second mortgage is often needed just for lunch), the sites and sounds.  I won't use the word magical, but it is a little special.  The game was very enjoyable, especially for a Panthers fan - they won 48-16, i was able to see Cam Newton break Payton Manning's Rookie season passing record (on a 7 yard out to Brandon LaFell), the franchise record for a passing TD from scrimmage (91 yards, also to LaFell), and a 49 yard run for a TD where Cam Newton pulled a defender the last 8 yards.  It was a good day all around.  After we then made the trek home on Christmas Day.  I had a great time. 

I read a really good article in the NY Times online recently.  I originally read it via The Autism Society of America on Facebook.  It was titled Navigating Love and Autism (1).  I have been married for over 19 years now, to an incredible woman.  Like any marriage she drives me nuts at times, but i also know that i have no clue as to what i would do if she was not in my life on a daily basis.  It was not until DS2 was diagnosed with Asperger's, and all that my beloved did to better his life and learn about what would be best for him, that she got a better glimpse into her husband.  It took me a little longer.  This article was good for me, to see - at least a little bit - what she goes through when she interacts with me.  I try and change.  I try and do things the "normal" way... and yet it is a constant struggle. I have to consciously think about offering someone a drink when then come to my home, to look people in the eye when talking to them, to not interrupt someone to make a correction or to change the subject off of something i don't find interesting - or to even just "make conversation", to ask questions in a conversation and many, many more things.  It was a good article because it challenged me to look outside of myself. Something my beloved helps me with every day.  But i was also discouraged by it.  I just don't "get" so many things.  Despite my best efforts i get flabbergasted at being asked a question.  She will often ask me, "what do you mean"?  Despite my best efforts... i cannot fathom what i meant beyond what i actually said.  I fail her in so many ways... i fail to show her comfort, to consider her feelings (or the feelings of others), and so many other ways... it actually bothers me.  For thirty plus years i was the normal one... everyone else was wrong.  Then... i learned... i was the "odd" one.  I was the one that the Sesame Street Characters sung about way back when.

There are still times when i feel like, "why don't 'you' people get it!?!  It is so obvious!"  In any event... i encourage those who want some insight into the Autistic world, this is a very good article. 

 

(1) By AMY HARMON, Published: December 26, 2011

MouseHunt blogging and running Eldar

In the signature of my personal e-mail i have a link to my blog here.  It's to shamelessly plug my blog among my friends... and yet, ironically, i have no consistent readers among the friends i have in real life (vs. just facebook, or whatever).  Well, sometimes my work entails working by phone and it is often hard to get concepts across, especially as i think visually (i.e. in pictures) and then i have to translate them into words... which does not always convey what i am "seeing" very well (especially for a guy flunked English - a LOT).  The other day i had to exchange (quite) a few e-mails via my awesome HTC EVO.  Well, for a variety of reasons my phone is not synchronized to use my work e-mail account so we tread carefully and we used my personal account to banter back  and forth and resolved the issue we were working on.  About an hour later my coworker sent me a text message saying how much he liked the blog - mostly the information links pertaining to Autism in general, and Aspergers in particular.  I am not sure why, but i was embarrassed. Now, this blog gets posted to my Facebook profile and i have at sometime or another told all of my friends about it, so i make it a point to be careful what i post, to not post anything that i would not want to be public knowledge... so why should i be embarrassed by this blog?  I am actually pretty proud of it.

My all time favorite Facebook game, MouseHunt continues to improve itself.  In addition to a recent Baron area (a fairly high level) called the Sandtail Desert Region, the developers of this game have expanded upon the Chess themed area i love so much called the Crystal Library.  Love this new area.  One has to perform "research" in order to accomplish the needed tasks in order to eventually make an entirely new trap for a new adversary. In many ways it is similar to the Dragon Mouse.  You have to fashion a special trap for the one mouse!  However, there is also a brand new trap - that looks like a new Shadow type trap... pretty cool. Still enjoying this game after playing it for 18 months now... and for me... that is saying something.

My writing has been sporadic at best of late.  Just too many other things in life to distract me.  I still enjoy it, and it is a relaxing way to dream (so to speak) and i can start/stop without having to get out a bunch of materials, setting it all up, and then having to tear it all down again and put it away when i am finished.  Even the actually sitting down to type/write is not all that involved.  Recently Gav Thorpe wrote out a pretty detailed process of how he wrote one of his Elf novel trilogies. That really made me realize that i will most likely, barring the sky splitting open to tell me that this is what God wants me to do, never be a published writer.  I am ok with that.   This is just a hobby, one to be enjoyed.  If it becomes a struggle... then it will no longer be a hobby, but work.  In any event, i am not sure how long my Eldar Ranger story line will be shelved, but it may be until the last novel in the Eldar trilogy is released sometime next Summer/Fall.  The 2nd one of the series, Path of the Seer, is due to be out any day now.  Looking forward to this one, but not as much as the last one in the series titled, Path of the Outcast. My recent attempts are still forming, but i will share them on my short story blog when i am ready. 

One thing my depression has done, it affected my desire to take care of myself.  Not in selfish ways (although the semi-intentional self neglect could be classified as selfish), but in ways like watching what and how much i eat, and exercising.  I have always loved running.  For as long as i can remember i have loved it.  From the time my dad "dragged" me, my brother and my step mother out to the park in New York City to go running with him (i don't remember if i complained back then, but my memories of it now are all good), up through High School when i up and joined the Cross Country team (our 1st day of practice - 12 miles "warm up" 8 sets of hills, 8 wind sprints, then a 3 mile "cool down"), through my time in the Guard.  When i am in shape... i love the sensation of running.  I enjoy the "burn", i enjoy the personal challenge, the "mind over matter", i enjoy being alone in thought to pray or dream or just - not.  LOL.  But, i have let myself go over time.  Later on in my military service i stopped running all the time and would only get in shape to pass the APFT.  Well, since retiring in July of '08 i've not done ANY serious running.  As a result i added another 15 pounds to the frame (which was already 30 pounds over weight if you ask the doctors) and i started to develop problems with the knees.  About four months ago i was talked into trying out a pair of "minimalist" shoes for work.  Long story short, my knee ached less and gave me a lot less trouble using the stairs.  In June, i finally got the nerve to try and start running again and began the "Couch to 5k" (c25k) program.  It got off to a rocky start.  I developed discomfort in both knees and my right ankle.  Some of this was due to the "minimalist" style, and part of it is due to my being over weight and inactivity.  Well, i dialed it down some and began to just walk (in running it is almost NEVER a good idea to just run through the pain).  Once i was able to maintain a 4mph walking pace with no linger pain or needing to take a day or more off, i started the jogging back up.  Yesterday was the first day back to jogging and i am pretty psyched.  it's hard to keep the enthusiasm in check so that i don't injure myself and keep on track.  I am down 5 pounds since starting.  Who knows... if this works, and i can sustain it over time... maybe i can get off of the Celexa.  But if not... i am ok with that too.

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Ok now, let me get this straight

photo © 2009 David O'Hare | more info (via: Wylio)

Over the past few months i have been sharing about some struggles with depression and possibly coming to grips the possibility of actually being on the spectrum myself (in addition to DS2).  I have never been to fond of change.  I've always struggled with changes in routine and the past several months have been a struggle for me.  I get discouraged because i feel like i should "know" better.  I remind myself constantly that God has already gone before me, that he already knows all of my days, he knows my personality, he knows my mistakes, and He still provides His Son so that i will not have to atone for my sins and i will get to enjoy Him forever.  I keep looking horizontal at the storm that rages around me, and i fail to look up to the One who can (and does figuratively) help me walk on water.  The whirlpool analogy still applies.  Never the less, God has also brought me a very long way during this time.  I have found that you can walk a very long distance over broken/hilly terrain and not really get an appreciation for just how far you've traveled while you are still down in the middle of the brambles and valleys, but when you get on top of the hills, even little ones, you can get a much better perspective.  That doesn't mean that the next valley will be less trouble than the previous one, or that you can just trot along the ridge line.  If only i could consistently have a similar point of view to what Eric Haney during his training to become a member of Delta Force:

 All day long, I crossed that mountain from one side to the other.. On the map the mountain looked like a big, dead, contorted octopus..  The main body was lumpy and irregular; the top writhed tentacle-like in a series of sharp-crested saddles.  The fingers and ridges running off the sides of the crest were gnarled and twisted like the arthritic hands of an old man.

I would arrive exhausted and breathless at one RV (check point) only to be sent to the next RV  back on the other side I had just come from. The mountain was too big to contour around, and the lay of the ground was such that I could never anything approximating a direct approach or maintain the hard-earned high ground for any length of time. Never getting anywhere, back and forth across the same mountain. It was a masterful torture. But then I had a revelation.

What difference could it possibly make if I crossed back and forth over this mountain until doomsday? A mountain is a mountain, time was time, and route selection was route selection. The only that that mattered was speed and ground made good..  My destination was determined by time; the physical position of that ultimate destination was only incidental to my reason for being there. The frustration and mental torture I had been suffering were completely of my own making - and completely within my power to disregard. I dropped all thoughts of anything other than making the best possible approach to the next RV, and it was amazing how much stronger I felt mentally and physically. (From Inside Delta Force, Delacorte Press, 2006, pg 79)

Now, fighting depression is not always as straight forward as telling yourself to "just get over it".  God has provided doctors, therapists, and when needed prescriptions too.  However, we need to remember to not give up on preaching to ourselves.  I read a timely article over at Desiring God, The Ministry or Reminding Myself.  I am not going to get into any finger wagging here because i am no expert.  I do know that my walk with Christ is a journey, a long distance journey, and along the way there will be low valleys with river crossings - probably in bitter weather, but there will also be pleasant meadows and hill tops, and maybe a mountain top or two.  Ultimately my journey is not about me and what i can get or what i can achieve, but what can i do for and with others who God brings into my life.  Focus outwards and upwards and not inwards.  This is of course is easier said than done.

Mr Haley makes an excellent point, and it can be applied to real life as well.  What does it matter what God is taking you through.  Is He not God, does He not have your ultimate good designed?  We are not privy to the big picture... sometimes not even the small one, but when we trust in God that is where peace and joy in the middle of the storm is found.  If we want to argue like Job ("Though he slay me, I will hope in him; [1] yet I will argue my ways to his face."  (Job 13:15, ESV), we should also be willing to accept when He answers us:  "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?  Dress for action [1] like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me." (Job 38:2-3, ESV)

In the end, you are are not alone.  God has put in place friends, family, professionals, medicine.  When the waves of depression swarm over you you have to fight the natural inclination to withdraw and seclude.  Reach out for help.

As for me, my doctor has weened me off of Strattera and replaced it with something else... i can't remember the name of it off hand.  All i know is that i did not like the loopy feeling in between the two. I am on day 3 of the new med... i am seeing a difference mentally, but i have not been sleeping well.  Not sure if it is related or not.  On the side affects it lists the side affects such as the possibility of both insomnia and sleepiness.  Silly, i know, but it takes a few weeks for the new Rx to come to full affect.  We shall see.

One last thing before i end this blog session.  I found a new blog written by a mother with a child who has Autism.  Unfortunately it came to my attention because of some difficulty they had at Disney world.  She is very articulate and loves her son very much.  I look forward to following her blog moving forward.  Life is a Spectrum is the blog.  From what i have read, it is a very good blog.

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I can't believe i am doing this...

I know i am several hours too late, and i also know how much i REALLY like Facebook, but a good friend of mine brought this cause to my attention.  It is called "Glabal Communications Shutdown for Autism".  It is a call to ask people to not use Facebook or Twitter for a whole day on November 1st to raise awareness, and hopefully money for research etc., for Autism Worldwide.  I can't believe i jumped and logged off of Facebook so fast... i can already feel the withdrawal symptoms...   Let's face it, i could use a little time away from Facebook anyway.   I added the HTML widget there to the left.  No, a little higher, just above my profile stuff.  If you click on the image it will take you to a Global fund raiser page.  Do with that what you will good reader.

OK, now on to my regularly (un)scheduled programing.  Yesterday was Reformation Day, although it is more commonly referred to as Halloween.  Reformation Day is not an attempt to protest all things Halloween, it is a day remembered as the day Martin Luther began what is known as the Protestant/Reformation movement.  I am not talking strictly about the denomination here.  I have several friends who are Catholic, and i am not celebrating this day as an "anti-Catholic" remembrance.  But for me, a Protestant (meaning i am a non-Catholic Christian), it is a day to celebrate.  Protestants do not have "it all right" either, so. 

Speaking of Halloween, an excellent article in regards to Christians and the "holiday" can be found on the Grace to You website.  It is titled Christians and Halloween. It touches on the Pagan origins of the day, as well as how the church 'adopted' it to try and counter the influences.  For me, the closing paragraph does an excellent job of summing up:

Ultimately, Christian participation in Halloween is a matter of conscience before God. Whatever level of Halloween participation you choose, you must honor God by keeping yourself separate from the world and by showing mercy to those who are perishing. Halloween provides the Christian with the opportunity to accomplish both of those things in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's a message that is holy, set apart from the world; it's a message that is the very mercy of a forgiving God. What better time of the year is there to share such a message than Halloween?

Just because the Carolina Panthers are sucking dirt right now, and in serious contention for the #1 overall pick in April of 2011, does not mean i won't mention them in my blog any more.   It may mean that i do not have a whole lot to say though.  I do admire Steve Smith's stepping up and admitting he played poorly.  I admire a stand up man, and Steve Smith is that and more.  #89 and #4 are placed right up there with #51 (Sam Mills) in regards to the Hall of Honor for the Panthers, in my opinion.  While the Panthers may occupy the cellar of the National Football League, they are my team and i will remain a faithful fanatical.  Go Panthers!

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Ramblin' Early Fall Ramblings

Promises of Spring
Winters night chases the sun
Mirage whispers on

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Back in August of 1989, when i prayed for Christ to come and make a home in my heart, i remember having two thoughts run simultaneously through my mind as the young man asked me questions about sin, my need of a Savior, etc.  I recognized my own fallible ideas and how they were broken against the truth of God.  Since that time i cannot recall having the same thing happen again... until recently.  For about the past three of four weeks i have been really struggling with my relationship with my beloved.  The only way in which she has changed has been to return to work. Well, that's not entirely true.  Her entire demeanor has improved.  She is happier, she seems healthier, she is more motivated overall, but for some reason i have been feeling like i am losing her.  Like she is drifting away.  My body has literally been at war with my mind.  I feel like i am letting her down because i am another thing she has to worry about, one more thing to take care of.  I think i need to pursue some kind of counseling/diagnosis.  ASD/Depression... something...  One thing i have been doing is praying and really trying to talk to someone... anyone.  Even though my Beloved and i had an "intense time of fellowship" on Friday/Saturday... it was good to work through some of the things.  The road is still rough, but God is faithful.

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My favorite team in the National Football league is the Carolina Panthers.  I know, you all are shocked.  Anyway, coming into the season i had my doubts about the Offense, but the Defense looked really good in the pre-season and i had some hopes that they would keep them in the game until the offense could come together.  Unfortunately, i have not seen a real sign of life out of the defense until yesterday.  As a long distance fan i am seeing some improvement on both sides of the ball... but i don't think it will be good enough to pull out a .500 season.  I want to see Coach Fox back next season... but the media has pretty much written him off. 8(  I had hopes for the Panthers being 3-2 going into their bye-week... but, 1-4 is the best i can hope for... but the Chicago Bears defense is looking VERY good.  *sigh*  I don't think i want to renew my usual Gentleman's wager with 'LT'.

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My fascination with MouseHunt has not abated... despite my grinding out a run through the "King's Gauntlet".  To help change the pace up some i have taken to moving away from the Gauntlet on weekends to hunt in other locations.  This past weekend i revisited the Catacombs/Forbidden Grove/Acolyte Realm.  It was fun to work on plussing up my count on some of the various mice to work on earning membership into the "MouseHunting Century Club" at some point down the road.  I still have almost 20m points to go before i can even hope to make a run at Zugzwang's Tower, so...

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About a week and a half ago my beloved and i hired a tutor to help PIRATE with his homework twice a week.  We needed someone who knew how the teachers were assigning homework, the atmosphere there in his school, and someone who had experience in dealing with ASD students.  We were blessed when one of his aides said that they would love to help him and we jumped at the chance.  So far it has been working out wonderfully.  I know i was struggling to help him with his homework, and with my beloved working again she has not always been available to help.  If this helps him navigate the waters of middle school and beyond, it will be money well spent.

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I had an interesting dream this week.  In this dream i was searching for my mother (she passed away in 2000).  I was searching through some kind of institutional-like building.  A lot of residence like halls, that kind of thing.  It was not a frantic search, more like one of someone just searching through an unknown location for someone or something.  When i got to the floor (the 8th, not sure if that is 'significant' or not), i got to just out side of her room (#874 or 824 or something close to that).  There was a plastic-like container... with familiar symbols on the bottom... i remember breaking down crying... but now that i am so far removed from the dream i don't remember why.  There were two men there... only one spoke to me, the other dropped out of my peripheral vision.  I woke up at that point... and i don't know if it is because i wanted to feel this way... or if perhaps the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me... that my mom had indeed been assigned a room (John 14:2)... or maybe it was showing me my assigned room... but the whole dream seemed to be me searching for her... so... i dunno.

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Different ramblings

I am taking my family on a short camping trip.  It's not like we are going to the deep woods or anything.  We are going to a (very) nearby campground with several other families that we've known since the early '90's.  Over the years we've gone to different churches, some have moved away and then moved back again.  Through out though, we've all kept in touch and gotten together for some Christian fellowship.  They did this last year, but being the anti-camping types, my beloved and i just brought our kids out for the day on Saturday.  This year, we opted to go ahead and stay the whole weekend.  Wouldn't you know... we have two soccer games on Saturday, my beloved works all three days, and we still do not own any camping equipment.  Have no fear, dad (i.e. me) will be trucking the kids outs with my beloved to set up the campsite and staying out until he has to shuttle the soccer players around.  It will be fun, just a little extra coordination.  Pictures (maybe) when we get back.

I just checked some old notes regarding when i first started my run through Valour and the King's Gauntlet.  It has been over 35 days!  Granted... i took last weekend off to go hunt mice in the Mountains with the Mouse Hunter's Century Club (MHCC).  It was nice to take some time off to shake off the dust and tedium of trying to make such a prolonged journey.  I can foresee that if too many of my fellow mouse hunters try and do the jaunt as i am (starting with 1,000 pieces of swiss cheese), they could very well grow bored and may leave the game forever.  If anyone should read this, i highly encourage brief journeys to the Gauntlet with a lot of side trips.  I am taking notes to share at a later date regarding catch rates, and cheese ratios as i go.  For example, using just swiss cheese i started with 1k pieces of swiss for Tier I.  I gained enough potions on that run to make 684 pieces of cheese (using just swiss cheese)  for Tier II.  I almost done with my run on Tier II and have 575 pieces of cheese poised and ready to use for tier III, and i am likely to have more pieces before i commence my run there.  The side trip last weekend has me interested in working on some more "century collections" of mice.  Currently i have caught at least 100 of 22 different breeds of mice.  I also have a lot of "surplus" cheese and potions to make special cheeses that could be used to gain a for more "century collections".  As a diversion, i just might go use up some of this surplus before i start Tier III.  I know my readers are just dying to know all this. 8)

MouseHunt is what is known as a 'Passive' game.  That is it is not a Java based game.  You do not have to hover over it to play.  One sets up a trap, and they can either hunt every 15 minutes, or just allow the automatic trap checks do it for you once an hour.  Well, last night without warning, my brain came up with an idea for a different genre of a Passive game for Facebook.  Since i am not a programmer of any kind i really have no idea how to pursue seeing if i could make something of this idea.  I also know that just presenting an idea to a company rarely sees results... so... i went out and bought a little pocket sized notebook to jot all of my notes in.  I will see if i can draw in those who are programming types, and hopefully some graphic artists types, and see if between us we can come up with an 'Alpha" version of the game.  try and play test it, etc.  If i can get it to a decent level i will probably try and in turn sell it to a company like HitGrab.  Less than 5 years ago (as of this posting) they started with just two guys, and now they are a small company working on many projects and making money at it.  Yes i am still writing.  Yes i still play Fallout 3.  I know, i know!  So many part time endeavors... so little projects completed.  Such are the workings of a person with ADD. 8)

Last weekend i watched the Temple Grandin movie again.  What a good movie! (Nominated for 15 Emmy's and it winning 7 of them.)  But while i watched it i realized just how incredible this woman really is.  God has helped her not only realize that she is different, but helped her use her gifts for so many others.  While i think in pictures similar to her, i do not see every pair of shoes i've ever seen, but when i hear the word shoe.... i picture shoes.  When someone says dog, i picture dogs.  I will never be as brilliant as Temple, but what God has done in my brain i have been able to use to help me "see" how computer networks work.  Really cool.  Until very recently, i thought everyone thought as i did, but i have learned that many people do not think "in pictures" but rather in words.  That was very confusing to me. 

Before i close this out for the week... recently a friend talked about a series her pastor is doing regarding prayer.  In the sermons her pastor is saying that prayer should be done out loud.  I will not go into what the intentions were, or all that was said because i was not there, and i really do not have a complete picture of the message, but her blog post did get me thinking.  I tend to be a silent prayer myself.  But more than that, i tend to just close my eyes were ever i am and just pray.  This is a good thing i believe, but i have been feeling "convicted" of not taking the time to go ahead and get down on my knees in prayer from time to time.  Obviously this is not always possible, but i almost never do that, and i do not think that is a good thing.  I really believe that we can pray anytime, anywhere, in any method that is available to us, but... there are times where the act of kneeling really would help "bend" one's heart as they come before God, and THAT is what is important.  Just as i believe that any translation of the Bible can be used to learn about the things of God ~ especially when one is honestly seeking after the things of God ~ we can pray in any method.  But just because there are many means, not all means are equally useful/beneficial.  There are times when one needs to take the time and "bend the knee", "bow the heart" before God.  Thinking about the things of God... always a good thing.  I encourage anyone who reads this to do these things, always seeking to know God's thoughts, and not impose your thoughts, on the ways and things of God.  I include myself in this.

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Monday Muddy ramblings

I have been trying fairly hard to come up with songs further and further in advance for my Monday blog entries, but the past seven days have been a whirlwind for me, and i am writing this in a somewhat fuzzy state of mind so it may be even less coherent than usual.

First, i do not have a song for this week. 8(  Alise is so much more faithful than i when it comes to this weekly offering.  I apologize dear readers.  I love music so much, but it is often hard for me to narrow it down to just one song, especially a song that i have not (preferably) used before.  And then, when i wait until the last minute, i often run out of time.

Last week i made a new "friend" on Facebook.  It is a woman who is a fellow MouseHunt player, but she also has a daughter who deals with Autism.  Granted she has been placed in a restricted group of my friends, but through her i found a new blog of her struggles with Autism (she lives in the UK), and as a result a whole new set of "link branches" to click and read.  Soon my mind began to swim.  Not that i do not feel for these parents, or care about what they are going through, but i began to feel overwhelmed in regards to my own struggles with my son.  Still, it was nice to meet someone with similar interests and struggles.  In a way... it was nice to see we are not alone in our struggles.  I would have to read some more, but i think the parents in the UK have it harder, or maybe it's just how good the support is we have where i live.

I want to develop my own little blog award.  Is that egotistical?  I do not come across a lot of blogs that i admire in regards to spiritual matters, and i am not trying to say that because i admire it, it is right or wrong.  I just want to have a way that i respect it, and perhaps have a way of creating links to such blogs to personally recognize them.  I mean... i am not anyone famous... my blog does not really have all that many followers... please feel free to post a comment and share your thoughts...

I was poised to get going on my writing last week when i had a minor revelation... i am hesitating because i really am not sure how to think, and write, from an alien perspective. As i have done "research" i have found someone i would consider an "Authority" on all things (Warhammer 40k) Eldar ~ Gav Thorpe.  I recently sent him an e-mail to ask a few questions in regards about how Eldar think, etc. and he took the time to answer!  His answers made me re-examine a few character traits, or at least how i might try and write them.  And not only his answers, but the brief excerpt from his book.His first Eldar novel, The Path of the Warrior, was just released and Amazon.com has notified me that it is on its way to me!.  I am really looking forward to reading his book, and over the course of time i have learned that this is just the first of three!  Yippie!  The Path of the Seer, and The Path of the Outcast are the next two.  While i am eager for the last title the most... i will have to wait the longest... but i think it will be worth it.  I have another "chapter" to release on my short story blog... but i think i should proof it at least one more time.

I will close this week and say that i have learned that no matter how "noble" my intentions are, my execution of such are not always at an optimum level.  For many reasons, many of which i do not fully comprehend (and that is OK), COWGIRL and her children have moved out.  She was offered a whole house to stay at rent free (just utilities), and that is an awesome opportunity for her and her family.  A ton more space and a chance to just be alone as a family - which is really important during this time.  Please continue to pray for her as she continues to seek out treatment for stage IV colon cancer.  The path ahead is still uncertain, and is filled with many a rock, but she has a really good fighting spirit and is really taking charge in making sure she gives herself every chance to fight this disease.  Changing her diet, seeking the elders to pray over her, and anything else she can think of.  I will try and keep people updated in the weeks and months ahead.  If you know me IRL and want a better means to keep up, please let me know.

Out with the old, and in with the new

As i get... more mature (yea, go with that) i find that i do not really like that saying.  Especially having seen what my Pop went through during his working years (he's "retired" now).  But, it fit with where i wanted to start my ramblings today.

If you are a regular (thank you), or have been here before (thank you), or have just drfited by (thank you too) you may have notived a few changes around my "dojo".  OK, if you've never been here before... probably not noticed any change, but i digress. First, i would like to thank TULIP for the really cool Blog Banner up top and what i refer to as my "end cap".  She was working on learning a new piece of software and happen to think of me and asked if she could play around with some images... we went back and forth on concepts, etc. and VIOLA!  Then, i went and changed the layout some (see below) and now i need to see if she would be willing to tweak just a little bit more.  Even if she is too busy, i am very grateful for the new images to liven up the old place.  Because, let's face it... when you use Blogger's "Minima Black"... it can be pretty bland. 8)  Yes, i know they have a lot of templates to choose from, but i like the minimalistic look, somewhat, and black suits me.

I have also been itching to stretch the blog sideways some, and although i cannot remember how i ran across the blog "Cute and Cool Blog Stuff", i am glad i did.  This woman has a talent for editing blogs, etc. and she has a self help tutorial on how to add that nifty colomn you now see to the left here.  It only took me two tries too!

I have found several blogs out there of people who have taken a lot of time to figure things out in regards to how to spruce up their blogs, and then have graciously shared their learned experiences and tasks.  Really cool.

This past week has been pretty off balance so to speak.  As a result i was able to take yesterday off to catch up on some doctor's things, as well as scout a nearby museum and mow the lawn.  I had wanted to surprise my Beloved with a trip to the museum, but it is nearly impossible to do so.  Surprise her that is.  She is very smart, and has this uncanny ability to know when i am scheming.  I don't think i have ever been able to lie or deciever her... at least not for very long.  (There is a reason that i do not refer to myself as a Christian Ninja. ;-) )  Yesterday was more about life getting in the way than my ability to surprise her though.  DS2, my Aspie, ran into trouble at school.  He's a great boy, and smart as a whip.  His aide said, "he's had so many good days, we just don't know what happened".  Statements like that drive my Beloved nuts.  While i have had several well meaning friends try and show me ways to "cure" Autism, the truth is that there are a lot of methods to help improve the social interaction but there is no cure for Autism.  Some things work, others don't.  We continue to try new things for DS2, but sometimes there are just "bad" days.

The Carolina Panthers had a pretty decent draft, if i am to believe the analysts.  I never know what to expect.  I would just like to see the Panthers string two winning (i.e. 9+ wins) seasons back to back.  As a football fan i am nervous about the next two seasons.  This season is an "uncapped" season.  not really sure what that means other than it is helping the Panthers soak up a huge (well deserved) bonus they are paying Jake Delhomme whom they let go during the off season (who is now a Cleveland Brown).  Another high profile loss was Julius Peppers.  While i totally respect his athletic ability, the past three seasons or more, his heart just wasn't in Carolina.  I am sad about that because as a Panther fan i want all players to be happy to play for the Panthers, but the truth is that's just not possible.  As concerned as i am about this season though... i am very concerned about the collective barganing agreement being reached in time to save the 2011 season.  I am not a concerned party in those negotiations, nor do i really understand either side's position so... all i have to say is... guys... work it out... please.  Oh, and speaking of football... I am rooting for Caleb Campbell.  Some may remember that he was drafted out of West Point two years ago.  Long story short, it looks like he will be given a shot to make the roster of the Detroit Lions this year.  Go Army!

The first character sketches from my friend for Ian Hauk, (one of the characters i mentioned previously) i like to write about is in (right).  I have been blessed with some really creative people around me.  While i like to write, and that is my creative out let, people like MANGA (it's all i could come up with...), TULIP, the woman at "Cute and Cool Blog Stuff", and my Beloved.  I am very thankful for them all because while my writing feels black-and-white, creatively speaking, to me, each of them adds a splash of color.  Which is really cool, and inspiring.  I have a daily goal of about 100 words that i want to add to my short stories, but i've been in a rutt lately.  Just too busy to stop and smell the roses, but the other day a friend just made a little comment about something (i forget now), and it was like a floodgate... i wrote about 2,000 words in just two or three days, and i have a small outline to help me keep track of my train of thought going for two of the stories.

To wrap all this up, ever notice that when it seems like God is getting ready to move in your life, the enemy stirs the pot so to speak.  Hardships, temptations, distractions, and out right strife seem to strike.  I am thinking that is not really a coincidence.  I think God allows those things to happen to help you learn that you need to focus on Him more.  Are the things of God, really of God or of yourself?  For me, i have found that when i have the least "resistance" to seomthing it is almost always because it has been of my own initiative.  This may sound wierd, but i am grateful for trials such as those.  It helps me learn to rely on God more, and myself less.  It is WAY too easy for me to go off trapsing on my own.  Lately i have been praying for God to show me how He is wanting me to serve within the body of Christ.  I believe i am heading in the right direction, but i always like to look up and see if there are any course corrections to take place.  I may not end up where i think i am going... but at least i am going... and i will end up somewhere.