I had a train of thought... but it looks more like the escape scene from "The Fugitive" now

This past Sunday in church my mind was running 90 miles per hour.  We are going through a revisit of our Mission Statement as well as messages on encouraging the congregation to "deeper and wider". 
For a long time i have struggled with 'man-centered' sermons.  Ones that talk about what we need to do, how we need to act to feel better, to improve our relationship with God, etc.  It is only natural i guess.  Especially in those whom the Holy Spirit has awakened the awareness of our own depravity apart from God.  We know there is problem and we know it has to be taken care of, and it is human nature to want to fix it.  To bring something to the table so to speak.  That spills over into sermons on Sunday morning and we spend so much time focusing on ourselves that we never look at who God is.  Sure we use the Bible to insert into appropriate parts of the sermon, but it is to examine ourselves, not to examine God.  One reason we are at the church we are at now is because i have spoken with the pastor, and i can see glimpses of him trying to turn the focus more on who God is.  Anyway... i digress... during the sermon my mind would grab on points and seemingly expound upon what was being preached upon. 

Anyway... this Sunday i took several notes, and i was all pumped up about blogging about this most excellent train of thought i was having... only to read my notes today... and they are not making sense... at least they are not clicking as to why i was so pumped up excited.  So... what i will do is just use my notes to expound upon my own thoughts... and just go from there.

I do remember thinking why are most sermons so watered down.  The messages talk about Jesus saving people, about how good He is.  Rarely have i heard about Him dying on the cross.  Even more rare is to hear the word sin, or that He saves sinners... let alone declaring that anyone listening is a sinner.  Some may think this harsh, but i would encourage you to pick six churches at random in your local neighborhood/city/town.  Most nowadays, do some form of recording, but if they don't and you have the time, sit through the usually no longer than 30 minute sermon.  If you hear the reference to people being sinners more than twice all together, i would be surprised.  Even still we hear generalities such as sin is bad, God is good, and God is love and He forgives.  None of that is untrue, but why can't we go deeper?  Why can't we touch on things like that we are still sinners, saved by grace.  That we do fail God, that He does work in our lives, that we do still require His discipline - which is uncomfortable.

I cannot remember the full context of the sermon (sorry Pastor) where our preacher was talking about being "called out" and "called to".  While i agree we have indeed been "called out" of something, and "called to" something... I do having the opinion that it was too superficial however.  What exactly have we been "called out" of?  A life of sin?  Surely, and yet we still struggle in the flesh.  Ultimately we have been called out of a life apart from God, out of a life where we only live for our self, we have been called out of a life of hating God.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. (Romans 5:6-10, ESV emphasis mine)

I feel that deep appreciation, and the best thing we could ever do for both the seeker and the saint, is to not shy away from what our condition would be without Christ.  Even after our heart and mind have quickened to the heading of God, and accepted Jesus' work on the cross, it is only His sustaining grace that brings us through.  If it were not for Christ going to the cross, we would never have regained fellowship with God.  There for, not only have we been called out of our own depravity, our own self imposed isolation, we have been called to a relationship with God.  We have been called to living for God and not for ourselves.  We have been called to a state that we will never again be alone.

And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined [4] to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin [5] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:14-20, ESV)

While, now that we are one with God, we should not take ownership of our sin, because through the blood of Christ and his propitiation upon the cross it has been taken away, we should never forget our sorry state apart from Christ, lest we deceive ourselves and think we have arrived before we have been called home.  Apart from the grace of God, and His transforming work in our lives, we are retched little creatures.  This is why i keep a statue of the creature Gollum from the Lord of the Rings on my desk.  By the inspiration of Joshua Harris i quote the conversation between Gandalf and Frodo from the works of J.R.R. Tolkein:

"What do you mean?" said Frodo.  "Surely the Ring was his precious and the only thing he cared for?  But if he hated it, why didn't he get rid of it, or go away and leave it?"

"You ought to begin to understand, Frodo, after all you have heard," said Gandalf.  "He hated it and loved it, as he hated and loved himself.  He could not get rid of it.  He had no will left in the matter."  (from The Fellowship of the Ring)

Apart from the work of God we could never leave our sin behind.  We both love it, and hate it, but we can never just rid ourselves of it.  If we deny that we still struggle with sin and are still in need of Christ, we deceive ourselves. (1 John 1).  I do not think we can have a better example than Paul:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, [1] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.(2 Corinthians 12:7-9, ESV)

So long as we dwell in this vessel, we will continue to wage war against desires of the flesh... our precious... our sin.  To do nothing... to fail to draw our attention to our truest need... is to leave one vulnerable to the guile of the enemy. Do we remain there?  No!  We should rejoice and celebrate all that God has brought us to!  We should sin praises, we should rejoice, but unless we reach down and realize just what we have been saved from - if we continue to gloss over the ugly parts - we will only ever superficially respond and our worship will be deficient for it.

Until we sing...

‘Twas I that shed the sacred blood;
    I nailed him to the tree;
I crucified the Christ of God;
    I joined the mockery.

Of all that shouting multitude
   I feel that I am one;
And in that din of voices rude
   I recognize my own.

Around the cross the throng I see,
   Mocking the Sufferer’s groan;
Yet still my voice is seems to be,
   As if I mocked alone.
(A Hymn by Horatius Bonar)

We can never fully appreciate...

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

For those who have endured this train wreck to the end... thank you for your patience.  I take no credit in anything other than the sharing of thoughts.  I pray that this has blessed you, and may you richly and deeply feel the passion of your Savior.

---

Enough is never enough

This morning i was reminded that sometimes no matter how hard we try we do not always get things right. Our best efforts, our best intentions, no matter how motivated we might be it will never be perfect. Sometimes our intentions are not noble, they are mischievous. Sometimes our failures are mistakes. But in the end the result is the same. A perfect 'score' has not been achieved. Even the best efforts, the noblest intentions, have some taint of imperfection. "A little leaven leavens the whole lump." (Galatians 5:9, ESV) - it only takes a hint of selfish ambition, or pride, or covetousness, or any other form of sin, and the sin works it way through and taints the whole. "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8, ESV) There are two expressions that kind of bother me. The first one is that there is good in everyone. Good and evil are used in relevant terms. In one sense i could agree with this expression. When used in a human comparison point of view, yes this is possible. But when used in light of God's perfection this is not true.

"And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." (Luke 18:19, ESV)

The second is giving "110%". This would imply that it is possible to give more than your all. By the very definition our "all" IS 100%. It is impossible to give more than that. The expression of giving "110%" would imply that the standard for "all" is a bar set so that everyone can achieve it and thus the person giving the "110%" was superior to all of the rest because (s)he was able to give more. Granted we are not all born with the same abilities. I will never be an Evangelist like Billy Graham, or an Apologist like Lee Strobel. In college i took Finite Math. At the beginning of the semester the instructor told us that he grades on a curve because it is rare for anyone to score higher than the upper 60's and he felt that it would be unfair to fail the entire class because they could not score high enough on his tests. Well, when the first test came back there were two in the class who score in the upper 90's while the rest of the class was in the Intrsuctor's anticipated range. When it happened again with the second test i thought the class was going to Lynch me and the other guy. Fortunately the Instructor saw this and informed us that he would exempt our two scores from the over all curve. Having said that i will still never be a mathematician like Albert Einstein. Our best is our best, and my 100% is not your 100% and vice versa. Today i am "suffering" with the fact that i am not perfect. I want to be perceived in certain ways. I have been known to 'exagerate' (i.e. lie) personal accomplishments in order to be better thought of by others. I like being thought of as the 'hero' in my home. The 'go to' guy in all things. I like the fact that others come to ask me things at work (i still think it ironic that i am asked to proof read things... especially since i never passed an English class past the first half of the 10th grade). But here's the kicker... when i fail to live up to some perceived standard (more often than not - my own) i get irritated, and too often it spills out on those around me. Such is the sin of pride. If you take such a train of thought out to its logical conclusion... isn't that what got Satan and his followers tossed down from Heaven? But the truth is we are to run the race as if to win it? (1 Corinthians 9:24) And at the same time realize that because of my own sin i will never achieve the perfect obediance that God requires... it is ONLY by His grace, His substitution that i am redeemed and made perfect it in sight. In the end i do receive the prize because of His initiation on my behalf.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. [2] The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling [3] the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:17-21, ESV)

Musical Monday

Welcome to an earlier-than-usual-edition of Musical Monday. This weekend was my drill weekend and getting up at, or before, the crack of dawn makes it hard for me to readjust back to normal routine. So, I let my beloved turn off her alarm clock and got up and help DS1 out the door for school. Thus the reason I am up and posting this earlier than usual.

God has been using the song I am choosing for today, in my life lately. I go through cycles where it really feels like I am not doing anything right. And truth be told, if you look at the world as a series of absolutes, black and white if you will, like I tend to do you will see that those 'feelings' have merit. In my personal life I really like to do things right. I want people to like me, I want the things I do to have the maximum affect and always be spot on. When I am put in charge of things/soldiers I want things to run smoothly and by the book. For the most part God has really helped me to allow grace, to allow for the fact that things will no always go right, things will not go by the book. But when it comes to sin, God is black and white. "If you lust in your heart you are committing adultery." "If you call your brother a fool (even in your own mind), you are guilty of murder." (Both quotes are paraphrased, the exact wordings can be found in Matthew 5:28 and 5:22 respectively.) And I have many sins, and one that pains me every time, and yet I enter into it with eyes wide open, I repeat my 'mistake' over and over again. I question if this will be the time God's grace will be pulled from me. I pray for His forgiveness, His strength to change, His grace and mercy to continue, I pray that God would just reach down and touch my heart and mind and that I would be dramatically changed. But so far all I hear is (and this is powerful), "My grace is sufficient for you," 2 Corinthians 12:9. Anyway, both on the way to srill, and then again on the way home the song "East to West" by Casting Crowns was playing on the radio.

East to West
by Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning, in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Chorus:
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white
Turn my darkness into life
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
I’m not holding on to You
But You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Jesus You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
In your arms of Your mercy I find rest
cause You know how far the east is from the west
from one scarred hand to the other

I so long for the day when I no longer struggle with sin. I want to be face to face with my Savior and no longer pain Him with my sin.

I hope and pray you all have a wonderful day in the Lord. May His rich and abundant mercies and blessings pour out overflowing in each of your lives.
Verse for today:
2 Corinthians 12 : 8-10, ESV
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

* I am no Paul, and I am not comparing myself to him. But God is using these passages in my life of late

I am beginning to see how Adam and Eve struggled over the fruit of that tree

"So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, [2] she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate." - Genesis 3:6, ESV

“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.” - Exodus 20:17, ESV
I doubt this is will really come as a surprise to most who profess Christ as Lord and Savior, but the enemy still roaming about the earth to see who he can devour. And we, as children of God, are not immune from his wiles. If anything, we are even more vulnerable and susceptible because we believe ourselves "above all that". Or we feel that if we do struggle with temptation and sin that we are not saved - or beyond our Savior's reach.

I mean, the 'world' has such glitter. So much pretty packaging. So many lies, stacked upon lies, that in order to dig through to the truth you must endure and expose yourself to even more deception.

I took yesterday off to spend the day with my beloved. I've been doing this after my drill weekends so that we can get some time together now that she works part time in the evening, and with my being away one weekend a month, there is just no time for just the two of us. While we were out to lunch (at Red, Hot, & Blue - yum!) I had a revelation. Well, maybe it was not that dramatic, but it seemed to be like a bell going off in my head. I'm not sure why, but the quote from "When Harry Met Sally" came up where Harry was telling Jess that he made a woman "meow". (I am not going to go into detail here, while the movie is culturally relevant, it is too crude to be recommended - IMO). The revelation that came to me was this... that a man cannot do things like that to a woman that she does not herself want/allow to happen. This is my thorn.

The enemy has sold me a pack of lies since I was a teenager. About what certain things are supposed to be like. About how things should be. And, to my shame, I have bought into them. I believed them. And I still struggle to dig through the truth. The enemy has successfully piled enough %$#@&!~ on top that as I dig down, the pile is actually falling in on top of me... and at times I feel like I am going to get smothered.

Then last night, because I am feeling lonely (and I am sappy like this), I was watching "Under the Tuscan Sun". There is one scene where the heroine finding "ladybugs" and she is just swept up in the moment. I have decided that I can no longer watch movies, or television shows unless they are things like "Predator", or "AVP". But even in those kinds of movies Hollywood seems bent on inserting such things where they seem to add nothing to the story or the characters. I want so bad to be able to interact with my beloved in that way, but alas it is not to be.

When we first met I did my best to resist the enemy's lure. But eventually I caved and we began the 'death spiral'. Even before our wedding day - and I was a professing born again Christian. Things hit a bump early on, and my own sin and naivety soon caused a rift in that area and it has never fully healed. For now, I am just just asking God to take this thorn away, even though it is my own sin that put it there.
Verse for today:
2 Corinthians 12:7-10, ESV
So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, [1] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I need to stop!

Ok, Facebook is taking over my life! I need help... serious help. :-)

I've been obsessive compulsive with an application called 'Jedi vs. Sith'. So much so that I had to set a goal for myself, so that once I achieved it, I could feel better about walking away! I achieved that goal today, but in the meantime my blogging and my writing have suffered. I've also not tended to my preperation for tonights caregroup (Bible study) as I should have. Fortunately I still have some time to ready myself for that.

For today I would like to ask for everyone's prayers that I GET A GRIP ON REALITY! :-) God has been working on me in the area of self discipline of late, and I think this is a testament to how the enemy can, and will, step up the temptation in peoples lives when God is moving. I just need to slow myself down, take the deep breath, and turn from the temptations... (that sounds so easy). I need to remember, and act upon the verse that says, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV)

May God grant each of you a peace and grace filled weekend. :-)

Verse for today:
1 Corinthians 9:24-27, ESV
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, [2] lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

Family time at the movies

For some time now my beloved and I have been seeing posters, and trailers for "The Golden Compass". We both like that general type of film, and the advertisers are doing a fairly decent job of promoting it. However, I have been reading things on the internet of late bringing forth somethings that concern me greatly. The movie is based off of a trilogy written by author Phillip Pullman. It is written that Mr. Pullman is an athiest who really does not like C.S. Lewis, or his books, or pretty much to do anything with religion in general. It is my understanding (from what I have read on-line) that the book that this movie is based off of has some serious anti-God threads, and in the end the children "kill God". (Read a snoops article here) Apparently the movie has really supressed these themes in order to make it more friendly for us "church goers". (On a side note: it's intresting to hear that the 'other side of the coin' faces such supression.) Originally we were planning on going to see it as a date night movie, but I doubt I will even do that now - not even NetFlix it.


We should not be surprised buy such things. The 'world' hates Christ (John 7:7), and as a result it is only natural for it to hate those of us who follows Christ (John 15:9). The enemy of our souls is a master at his craft (Genesis, Job, 2 Corinthians), and as a result he has managed to turn some to hate, and I do mean hate, those who seek after Christ. And sometimes the best way to attack something, is by deception and disguise.


Now, I have watched The Lord of the Rings and Narnia with my two sons, and there are definetly things that I need to talk over some things with them in those movies as well. But, isn't that the role of a parent? We can never completely protect them from the world (when I use this term it is in reference to the part of the world in opposition to God). Our actual role is to teach and to train (Proverbs 22). I guess what I am trying to say is this, whatever you do with your children, wherever you go, whatever you see, talk to them about it - and ultimately pray for them. God can, and does, use all things to teach and to train them. Our ultimate peace and joy will be at our destination, and not during the journey. But that doesn't mean that we can't stop and appreciate the view from time to time. Look for those little nuggets. :)






Verse for today:
Deuteronomy 11:18-21, ESV
“You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth.

Is it just about the money?

Sometimes I wonder if things like a "check engine" light is really a way to get car owners to come into the dealerships more often. Yesterday after about 3 hours, and $42, I was told that it was only a random cylinder miss-fire. They suggested I add a 'fuel stabalizer' - for a mere $21 more. I coughed a little and asked if they would recommend any kind of after market brands. They "could not recommend" any thing. I sighed as I have a friend since High School who has told me about some of the 'scams' he experienced working for a dealership. I know not all dealerships are like that, but it makes me nervous. Especially since I've had this car in there a couple of times before. In the end (after talking with a car buff here at work) I picked up two bottles of Valvoline Complete Fuel system cleaner. We shall see. :) Isn't it sad that in general we really need to be so wary of things that could take advantage of our good nature? And yet, there is no way we can be even moderately familiar with everything out there. There are general things we can look for... but at the end of the day we still need to make a decision. I want to trust everyone, but I need to not trust anyyone (until I get to know them). A consistant prayer I am having is that God would give me grace to cover my lack (which is a pretty big gap!). There are times like now that my soul groans for Heaven. Verse for today: 2 Corinthians 5:1-9, ESV For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on [1] we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.