Working for the 'Man'

Lately, I would say especially the past few weeks, it feels like the Lord is renewing my mind about working for the 'man'. Very few in the world are able to work independent of an employer. Most of us, like myself, work for someone else. Either in the corporate world such as myself, or in government - where you essentially work for the people (in theory anyway). I confess I have not always been the best steward of my employer's resources. My time. The use of company equipment. But I should be. "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:17 esv) I have heard a few sermons in my time about being a good steward of what the Lord has given me. But hasn't the Lord also given me my employer? Am I not to serve the 'man' as I would serve my God? Granted, not in such a way that would go against His Word, but I am to serve faithfully. And what about those who are called to essentially be the 'man'. Self employed, small business owner, or one who is the manager of others. We are to continue to work as unto the Lord, and be a reflection of Him who has established us in those positions. Not my usual light hearted ramblings I guess, but it was on my mind this morning. My verse for today: Ephesians 6:5-9 esv Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

Old Rag

Ever have one of those days when you just feel worn down. Like you are a piece of cheese cloth. Thin, frail, and just blowing along with the wind. Well that is me today. Last night I stayed up to bless my beloved. I wanted to be there for her when she came home from her ladies night out. Talk with, ask her how her day went. Let her know that I love her and desire to see how her day went. I longed to rub her shoulders, scratch her back. But from the moment I was consious that she had walked into our bedroom it was one critique after another. Well, to cut to the chase I lost it. We had a brief "intense time of fellowship". And then I really stepped into it. I pretty much refused to get back in the game. Now by God's grace we worked it out. Each asking for forgiveness for our "contributions" last night. but it did not help me to sleep last night. I kept thinking about what a loser I am. I mean really, there was no cause for me to act like I did. And then to essentially hold on to the 'grudge' and all I really accomplished was to make the matter worse than it was. If it were not for Christ in both of our lives I can honestly say that I do not believe our marriage would have lasted this long, let alone have a hope for a future - which we both look forward to with joy and anticipation. All of this resulted in me being up until 2:30 this morning. No matter how hard I tried I could not fall asleep. I tried to pray. I tried reading, doing a sudoku puzzle, but my mind was so cloudy from fatique that I could not focus. I ended up watching "12 Monkeys". Other than some good performances by Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt (IMO) this movie is not worth watching. Maybe it was just because I was so tired, or maybe it was because of the commercials continually breaking up the pace, but it was very difficult to follow the story and get into it. I was considering just calling in sick to work but I need to get on top of an IOS rollout for the network, as well as track some ongoing upgrades for a configuration rollout (a cause of the IOS upgrade) that I had to come in. But I am not sure how affective I am today. It is taking me long periods of time to make decisions. I went to lunch with a few coworkers and when I was asked what I wanted to drink it took me about 15 seconds just to say "water". Then, when I was up at the buffett the Pastors from my church where there. They called out my name and my mind seemed to work in slow motion to respond. This week is not going to slow down though. Tonight music classes for 2 out of 3 little darlings. Tomorrow our care group is meeting. Friday I am taking the oldest two snowtubing with the church. Right now I just want to stay in bed. I still do not have my plans set for Valentine's day for my beloved. A friend had asked for an idea on what she could do to bless her husband and I am barely able to keep my own thoughts straight right now. My roller coaster of emmotions (depression ?) has really hindered so many aspects of my life. I do not care for things like I should. I tend to get more self focused that it just pushes the spiral tighter. Sort of like a self fulfilling prophecy. But even here God is reaching out. A man whom I am not very close to, but I do trust, in my church has offered to meet with me once a week during lunch. And this area is his actual career field. So... Anyway... yet more useless ramblings from a clouded mind. Verse for today: Psalm 63:1-8 esv O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. Amen

Close to the mark

This morning I laid awake from 2 until about quarter till 5 and I could not sleep. I prayed, walked around the house some, completed a sudoku puzzle, watched the news, prayed some more. And although I could not come up with anything concrete I had a few ideas to blog about (how I met my beloved wife, kids, and a few more that escape me right now), but when I arrived at work this morning there was an e-mail from my National Guard unit. A soldier I had served with for maybe a year or so, had passed away. When I asked about the cause of death there was no definete answer (it was second hand as it was). But I was just sort of shocked. I served with this man until last summer. We had both been evacked (sounds worse than it was really) for heat symptoms. He had transferred to another unit that was more in line with his civilian career. He was only 41 and is survived by a wife of 9 years, and two children. That is only 2 years older than I am today. God's Word states, "...it is appointed for man to die once" (Hebrews 9:27 esv), and I am never totally surprised by a death, but when it happens to one you know - it can sort of make you stop and think. I am thankful that the verse I quoted above does not end there. Here it is in context: For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf. Nor was it to offer himself repeatedly, as the high priest enters the holy places every year with blood not his own, for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him. (Hebrews 9:24-28 esv) There is no one who will escape death - unless it is due to the return of Christ - and I am very doubtful another Enoch (ref: Gen 5) or Elijah (ref: 2 Kings 2) will be seen again. I might be wrong, and these things are not up to me, but... anyway. So one day I too will die. My wife and children. Only God knows when. Now two thoughts converge while I am typing this... while laying awake early this morning I remember that I dwelt for at least a little while, on the following verses: “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” (Matthew 25:31-46 esv) In the past those words have 'haunted' me. I want to know, and be known by, Christ. I am in faith for what Christ has accomplished in and for me. And I am saved through grace, because I can never earn my salvation, but am I ministering to those whom God has brought to me? Are my works reflecting what Christ has accomplished in me? May I hear "‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’" (Matthew 25:23 esv) - for there would be no better commendation to me. I have quoted several verses, and I think they pretty much sum up my thoughts for today. May God's rich blessings be felt upon each of you this day. :)

A man with friends is never lonely

Wow. Last night my wife and I hosted a Super Bowl party and was it a mad house! I have been blessed with a wife who has the gift of hospitality. She loves to have people over. Make them feel at home. Comfortable, well fed, and entertained. This shindig started as a plan to have a few friends over, but got out of hand when someone - who had not been invited - asked if they could come. Well, it was not like we wanted to exclude anyone (we were just trying to keep it a little small) so we said sure. Well this person took it upon themselves to invite several others, who in turn invited one or two more as well. Fortunately most people brought either chili, or some form of food or beverage and there was plenty to be had for all. Unfortunately I am not comfortable with large crowds. I am not nervous or anxious in those environments, it's just that I like to be comfortable and spend time with people. But in what we had last night it was not possible. I stopped trying to count actual numbers after the I got called away to mediate between kids for the 3rd time. I love to encourage my beloved in the exercising of her gifts, but I know I had that look like, "when are you all leaving?" Kids running around the house with food. Conversation so loud that I know I blew the speakers on my little 32" TV. And I was not able to sit down for a couple of hours. Still, a good time was had by all - or at least one told me otherwise. And I know I scared one or two little ones by yelling up the stairs (one time a little tyke kept tossing Thomas the Tank Engine over the bannister!) Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers! 21-10! Wahoo! As of today, my beloved Panthers are officially undefeated this year! :) Verse for today: Jeremiah 9:23-24 Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”

Wanting something more

At what point can we draw a line and say, "up to here my desire is a good thing, but beyond that it has become an idol?" In God's Word we are told, "“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything." (1 Cor 6:12 esv) When we see something that is in God's Word, that it is available, that it is a good thing, that it is a Godly thing - and we want what God has shown to us - but it is not forthcoming (for whatever reason), and our desire begins to cause pain. Has desire for such a thing caused us to worship the creation, and not the creator? You have to think that in the garden, with everything so abundantly available, how could the tree of the knowledge of good and evil be so tempting? It must have been a very lovely tree for Adam and Eve to desire it enough to cross up God's words. At what point did my desire for a gift from God become an idol in my life? Or has it become one? How can I learn from this pain? How can I grow? How can I share what I learn from my family? And will I ever actually get to see and experience whatGod shows in His word this side of heaven? And will I actually experience it Heaven? One thing I am sure of that once I am in His presence it will not matter. I will have my perfect peace and joy. Verse for today: Revelations 21:1-8 esv Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

A time for change

Well after receiving a very nice new picture for my blog, from a man who is becoming a friend and not just an aquantence, I just had to update my profile. I added the better picture, I've updated my interests etc. And then I received an e-mail from my old church that had some great resource links in it so I jsut had to start going crazy to update links on my Blog page (thanks again Amy for patiently teaching me how to do this). I really am not all that original, but with the help of friends I can be pretty diverse. So this is my blog entry for today. Stand by and check back in to see all the wonderful things coming your way! I can be a little silly sometimes... The verse for today: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 esv For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

A career in review

This past weekend was a drill weekend for the National Guard, and I received a promotion to Sergeant First Class (E7 for those non-Army types). With my contemplation of when I will retire from the Guard, my promotion, and the various 'storms' in my life right now I have been sort of reviewing my military career. It is not one that would make a very interesting "made for TV movie". I'm not even sure it would be a very interesting blog entry. But then, I do this for me more than anything, and it is a good practice to just write when trying to do a journal so... Back in 1986 I was a very lost young man. I would not stay with any one job more than three months at a time. I had no goals, no ambition, and really no money. Potential employers were noticing my employment pattern and jobs were not forthcoming. While looking through the 'Part Time' employment want-ads there was an ad for the Army National Guard. With not very many options available to me I pursued this job. And it took about four months to get in! I had to get my High School transciripts, a medical waiver, and get all of the ASVAB testing done. I had dropped out of H.S. and due to my parents divorce and a multitude of other 'issues' I had seen a Psychiatrist up until I was 13. I also had 'Post Trauma Epilepsy' as a child. But the recruiter worked very hard and I raised my right hand on 17-July-1986. I joined up as a "Heavy Weapons Anti Tank Infantryman". I spent six years in this MOS. During this time I was promoted to Sergeant within three years and was responsible for 2 TOW missile systems and their crews. We did a lot of flying - Florida, Arkansas, California, and Honduras. I received a Division coin (a big deal to me) as well as getting the chance to actually fire a live TOW missile - man that was a rush! I still remember the sound of the gyro winding up, the discharge motor, the smell of the charge, and the exiliration of streering that missile right on target between the turret and deck of the target tank on the range. I also went to Air Assault School during this time. Change of life (preparing to get married and attempting to go to college) led to a change to the MP corps. This time of my military career - from 1992 until 1999 (with a break I'll talk about below) was pretty uneventful. I was not a very happy as an MP, but it was pretty relaxing. They guys I worked with were good men and women. We did 3 rotations to Pananma before we turned the canal over to them, I received another coin, and I was sent on my first deployments. They were all state missions where I was able to help people that got flooded out and I found some pride in serving others. I also got to play at being a road cone for various state functions. WVU homegames, and the governor's ignaugeration. Now that was interesting. Every try and tell 70k+ drunk and celebrating fans that they are not allowed to turn left in the dark with just a handheld flashlight and a camoflauged uniform!?! During my time as an MP I got restless and missed my infantry days, so when I learned of a platoon sized detachemtn from my old battalion being set up "near" my home, I jumped ship for about eighteen months. Man was that a mistake from a physical stamina point of view. I went from a laid back approach to a high intensity physical environment. The bus would drop us of on Saturday morning, and we would have to be about 10 klicks away to get picked up on Sunday - and carrying everything we needed. My heat problems that stemmed from my childhood really flared up during this time. But I also got my real taste of leading a squad performing infantry manouvers. I played at it as an MP - but I was fully immersed in it here. I loved the tactics of shoot/move/communicate as a squad sized element. It would be hard to describe in this space to fully explain all that I appreciated about this, but it is something that is still with me today. In 1999 I moved my family to Maryland in an attempt to be closer to the church I loved and was 'born' into 10 years earlier, and it was a chance to totally shed my MP 'life'. At BNCOC I met a PA NG recruiter who told me of an Artillery unit in Gettysburg. I contacted them, but I could not come to an agreement on which duty position I was to fill so without ever reporting to that unit I transferred to Alpha Battery 2-110th FA (towed). I have served with them ever since. During this time I have grown to love the Artillery. So much so that it has surpassed my love of the Infantry (except for the squad level tactics stuff). I have since been promoted twice and received several more coins, but the one I treasure the most is a 3rd Brigade coin that included the heraldry of both my original battalion (1-115th Infantry, light) and my current battalion. I have gone through my 9/11 experience with these men, and although a lot of them have moved on to other things, many still remain. I have been delpoyed CONUS with them for 13 months, as well as for Hurricanes Katrina ans Rita. And as of this blog it looks like I will be with them for another 18-24 months. Although I joined to get some money in my pocket, I stayed because I found myself being a part of something larger. A chance to serve the states in which I lived, as well as my country. It has not all been easy. My deployments have placed a strain on my family. My wife is the real hero in this family. I have never truly been in harms way. I have always had other soldiers around me when I was in difficult situations to work with. But my wife has had to hold the house together, often with little help from friends, family, or fellow church members. Those around her were a help to be sure, but there are 24 hours in a day and they cannot be there at all times. My recent realization that I cannot retire in the original timeframe we envisioned has caused her some anxiety. But my whole career as been by His hand, and I am on my knees in prayer and in trust, that our God will see us through the rest. When I finally fold the flag on my service to my state and my country, I will do so with a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. I will never compare my service to those who, like my brother, have served in harms way - who had to put their training and resolve to the ultimate test, where not only their lives but those with whom they served with on the line - but I will know that I have been used by God for His purpose and glory. And then resolve myself that a season of my life has passed, but God has more in store for me until He either returns or I am called home. I hope I have not bored you all to tears. God Bless. Today's verse: Psalm 23 esv The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen