Just Be Held

For many reasons, most of them of my own causing, i am currently... exploring the darkest valley i have ever walked... my therapist shared this song with me... i thought i would "share it forward".

JUST BE HELD

by Casting Crowns

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart
I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won’t let go

Pounding stone with bare hands

Have you ever tried to tear down a stone wall with you bare hands? Either figuratively, or literally. Hands get raw, bloodied even. Muscles grow tired and ache, and - if you are not careful - bones can get broken. There are things that are going on in my life that I am just tired of beating myself up on the stonewall in front of me. I've decided to just stop fighting it and allow myself to rest. I am praying that God would work either a change in the situation, a change in me, or to show me that I need to just move in a new direction. Verse for today: Job 9:27-32, ESV If I say, ‘I will forget my complaint,I will put off my sad face, and be of good cheer, I become afraid of all my suffering, for I know you will not hold me innocent. I shall be condemned; why then do I labor in vain? If I wash myself with snow and cleanse my hands with lye, yet you will plunge me into a pit, and my own clothes will abhor me. For he is not a man, as I am, that I might answer him, that we should come to trial together.

Oddly at peace

The waves are rolling. Last night I was accused of undermining my own attempts to retire from the National Guard. I don't feel like that was fair. To be sure I want it know that my intentions are to retire. Due to certain things going on I would like to retire - but I also want it known that if my unit tells me it is time to go, that I will go and serve full tilt. There really is no "win" in this situation. But I am oddly at peace. To be sure my emotions and fears well up like waves on the ocean - for the most part I am calm. At least I have got myself believing that. Every night I wake up somewhere between 3 and 4 AM... wide awake. Awake enough to have trouble laying back down. It takes a good 30 to 60 minutes to get settled back down so I can go to sleep again. Verse for today: Psalm 107:28-32, ESV Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters [3] were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.