Space: Above and beyond (nothing to do with the old TV series)

OK - it's been a bizallion seconds, OK... slight exaggeration, but a long, long time, since i last blogged.  I have no excuses.  No really good explanations either.  In any event, when presented with writer's block, the best method to break through it, is to just get typing, so... here i go.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."  (Psalm 139:13-16, ESV)

I have struggled in the past, at least a little bit, in regards to my struggles with ADD and possibly HFA, but recently my beloved implored me to go see a Neurologist.  It took her almost a year and a half to get through to me but she finally did this past month or so.  I mean, possible HFA, ADD, and dealing with depression, you want to add more 'mental' problems on top too?!?

Technically this was a follow up to a sleep study i had in 2009.  Of course it was discovered that i had sleep apnea, apparently i completely stop breathing up to thirty times a night.  Well, in addition to the apnea, it was discovered that i suffer from narcoleptic seizures.  This freaked me out to hear.  It messed with me enough that after the required follow up with a Neurologist - who was not all that great - so, when she didn't find anything out of the ordinary, i didn't really question it further.  I was forthright, but not aggressive in my pursuit of learning more.  Well, three years on now, and some really poor nights of sleep, my beloved had me pursue a follow up with different Neurologist.  This meeting was much better.  The new doctor actually interviewed me.  He listened to what i had to say, and actually asked several more questions.  I also learned that the first MRI i had three years ago showed a small "mass" in the frontal lobe.  That was news to me!

Since then i have had another MRI, and i am scheduled for an EEG in a week or so.  When i was young, i had several EEG tests due to having Post Trauma Epilepsy, and then a follow up appointment in early June.  Well... dear reader, now you know that i am even a bigger freak than i had first let on.

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Moving at the speed of life

I once heard a slogan that said, "Moving at the speed of life".  For the life of me i cannot remember what the product or service was that it was for now... and i am too tired to try and research it (sorry anxious reader).  But the saying is a 'truism'.  Life never stops, it never even slows down.  From my perspective it only seems to get faster and faster.  This is the time of my children's lives i should be most enjoying.  Soaking it all in.  But it is neigh impossible.  It feels like i can barely catch my own breath.  I get up, sometimes i help get lunches made and make sure they are on the bus off to school, then i go to work, i get home i play taxi driver to/from practices, when my beloved is working i will whip up something for dinner (over baked BBQ chicken is a recent hit), then i try and check homework (which i think i am failing at because DD3 is struggling silently in math and social studies), try and make sure they wash behind their ears and then shew the youngsters off to bed, and then climb in between the sheets myself, only to repeat the next day.  Weekends are not much better.  Replace work with chores and/or running to/from games and church on Sundays.  I love my kids, and i try and make a priority of spending time with them... but it all just seems to blur by so fast. I don't want to blink and have an empty house.  But life never slows down.  To quote Mr. Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."  The trick is... getting yourself stopped long enough to get that look in.  I wish i could slow down those moments like the Ba'ku in the movie Star trek: Insurrection. I think that is why the Psalmist says, "Be still and know I am God." (Psalm 46:10, ESV) (Note: it is always important to read verses in context of the surrounding verses - too often verses are taken out of context to mean something other than they were intended for - in this case the passages are talking about taking the time to contemplate all of the things God has done.)

Speaking of moving at the speed of life... i recently started a new job.  It happened incredibly fast.  I was approached, sort of off to the side, where i was asking how happy i was with my (now previous) employer.  The question caught me so off guard that i asked him what he meant.  When he clarified i say, i'm pretty happy with the people i work with, but the corporate environment and mentality of the company as a whole - i was pretty disillusioned.  I was encouraged to inquire with an incoming company regarding some new positions.  Not knowing what to expect i sent off an e-mail to the points of contact i had been given.  That day i received an e-mail and a phone call from one of the POC's saying he was forwarding my request to what i refer to as a "head hunter" (HH) - sort of a person who weeds through potentials and does a lot of the preliminary leg work so that companies don't have to "waste" as much time sorting through the piles of applicants and can focus on the smaller group of "potentials".  The next day i received a phone call from the HH, but i did not get the message until after work as we were literally moving offices across town.  The next day i call the HH back and he asks me a few questions, then asks if i mind f he bridges on two or three others - i am interviewed right then!  Technical questions, etc.  I was caught off guard again and felt pretty unprepared, but i felt like i did OK.  Later that night i get a call from the company's Human Resources person.  She asked me a few more questions and talked to me about the position they wanted to hire me for.  I was blown away, not just because the speed at which things were moving, but it was also a different position than i was led to believe i was applying for - which was fine, because it was a position i had pined for, for about two years.  The only downside... the group was based out of downtown Washington DC.  I hesitatingly mentioned that i could not do that kind of commute day in and day out; however, if i could work at the 'remote' office and only make the trip downtown a few times a month (after a train up period) i would accept.  The next day (a grand total of three business days) i was offered, and i accepted the position.  I am still amazed how it all happened, but this has been how God has moved regarding my entire career.

When i first got into my career it was because i was having trouble getting started in college (long story) and i was delivering pizzas at the time.  My beloved was starting her career having just graduated college (i proposed to her on her graduation day).  I was just looking to get a better paying job until i could start school full time.  I came in a entry level and they taught me the skills i needed.  I moved up, and then when my beloved became pregnant with DS1 i borrowed some money from the in-laws and went to a 6 month trade school at night.  When i finished that i sent out exactly one resume and was hired.  Again, they taught me the skills i needed specific to the job, and there were a lot of eager mentors to show me the ropes and i moved up with that company as well.  Quickly moving from the desk, to shift lead, and then to a change control group.  Each step of the way i found people willing to teach me.  Then 9/11 hit, i was deployed for 13 months and when i came back i was given a hard choice.  In the end it was not really all that hard - after being away from the family for that year my position was moved to the swing shift.  I was going to miss seeing the family during the week.  But then, an opportunity came along to jump to a new group, one  that was on site with the customer - but... it was a 2 pay grade reduction, and counting the shift differential i lost out on... a 20 percent cut in pay.  Since then i have slowly risen to new positions.  I was once asked how i got the job i had and how they could get one similar.  I answered the guy, it's not possible to do it the way i did it (i still explained how it all went down and the path i had taken)... but looking back... it should not be possible.  God has been incredibly generous to this High School dropout.  I have a position that i can provide for my family of 5 on my single income... pretty much unheard of in this day and age.

No matter how fast life is... take the time to give thanks and look around.  Marvel at all that God has done, and is doing.  We only come this way once... find a way to be like the Ba'ku, and slow down time to enjoy the experience.  I say this to myself as much as anyone.

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Music Monday - 20090105

I downloaded a sermon by C.J. Mahaney titled "The Troubled Soul" yesterday. C.J. gave this sermon back on May 25th of 2008. It was based on Psalm 42. Unfortunately i missed a lot of the details because i was listening to it while at the gym. But some points i do remember:

• It is possible for one who hungers, thirsts, and is actively pursuing God to feel distant from God.
• No matter who you are, the person that has the most influence in your life is you
• We need to retrain ourselves so that we talk to ourselves and not listen to ourselves

I will be revisiting this sermon in a more subdued time so that i can listen more intently, and take notes. So, for today, my song will be the Psalm that was the basis for this sermon:

Psalm 42 As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?" These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?" Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Music Monday - deferred - 20081104

Before i get into my blog for today i want to encourage everyone in the United States to get out and vote! I was playing catch up on a lot of things yesterday and i forgot to even try and get here to update my blog! :/ And this one will be quick too...

I Will Not Be Moved by Natalie Grant I have been the wayward child I have acted out I have questioned Sovereignty And had my share of doubt And though sometimes my prayers feel like They're bouncing off the sky The hand I hold won't let me go And is the reason why... [Chorus:] I will stumble I will fall down But I will not be moved I will make mistakes I will face heartache But I will not be moved On Christ the Solid Rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand I will not be moved Bitterness has plagued my heart Many times before My life has been like broken glass And I have kept the score Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed That I was far too gone My brokenness helped me to see It's grace I'm standing on [Chorus] And the chaos in my life Has been a badge I've worn Though I have been torn I will not be moved [Chorus]

Verse for today: Psalm 19 : 1-6, ESV The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above [1] proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice [2] goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat.

Odds and ends

For the past week or so i've had, what i feel, to be a pretty good blog subject - i just can't seem to pull it together. Both my home and professional life have shifted into a higher gear. At home the deck is coming along. I've already updated the status on that not long ago, but suffice it to say that if things keep going as they have been it should be completed by Thanksgiving. Last night i mowed the grass for what i hope to be the last time of the season. I also trimmed back the bushes so that the branches were not as full to catch snow and damage them over the winter. Once this is done i need to move indoors and paint both of the boys bedrooms. All these projects, plus the routine of all three kids being in school and some after school activities has left me "dizzy" for lack of a better word coming to mind. At work one of my co-workers moved on to "bigger and better things" leaving us a man short. Another co-worker has so much vacation time that he has to take every Monday off from now through the end of the year so as to not lose any. My boss is in a similar situation - who i cover for while he is out. I am very grateful to have a job, but it keeps one busier than usual. Two things i am fairly happy about... one is that Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles has been 'renewed' for an entire season. That is originally Fox only ordered 13 episodes, but it was announced last night that they have ordered another 9 episodes. Yes! lol I have enjoyed this series as it continues to develop across the series. Sarah is learning that John is growing up - and as parents don't we all have to come to this realization some time? Our job is to prepare out children to stand and go out on their own. John is learning how to spread his wings. Even Cameron (the terminator assigned to protect John seems to be 'evolving', learning. Even some of the 'background' characters are growing. The other thing i am somewhat excited about is that Fallout 3 is released next Tuesday. It has been a very long time since i was able to sit down and just play a game - and that will not be changing all that much after Tuesday either. That's ok, but i hope to get a chance to play and explore the game some. One delay in my anticipated participation of the game has been that this has been a 'bad' month in my savings account. My anticipated purchase of a personal laptop is going to be delayed. I am not bummed about this as i am hoping to take advantage of some 'Black Friday' deals. I was excited to learn that the system i would be looking for was going to be within reach of my budget, but i've been told that the prices should drop even more as the economy woes start affecting the Christmas shopping season. Good for us "consumers", not so much for the retailers. Verse for today: Psalm 109 : 26-28, ESV Help me, O Lord my God! Save me according to your steadfast love! Let them know that this is your hand; you, O Lord, have done it! Let them curse, but you will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but your servant will be glad!

Football and/or Fallout Fridays

Ah the smell and feel of Fall. This is my absolute most favorite time of year. The colors, the temperatures, the knowledge that soon i will not have to cut my grass again for several months, and the sound of football on Sundays. When i was younger i loved sitting around and watching the Washington Redskins play. My first memory of the game was from when i lived with my father in Brooklyn, New York. I still remember pictures in my mind of seeing the game being played on his black and white screen. Not long after that he took me and my brother to our first NFL game. The Redskins had come to town to play the New York Giants. This how i became an NFL football fan. :) Now, as i grew older and moved to live with my mom i learned what it was like to be a ravenous football fan. I mean, the whole body gets involved, the emotions, the muscles, the whole body! It was too much for me and i started to 'fall away'. Until the NFL announced their decision to expand to 30 teams starting in 1995. I thought, "this is my chance to follow a team from its inception. No one can accuse me of being a bandwagon fan". Thus my 'love' for the Carolina Panthers. :) This weekend the Panthers play host to the Kansas City Chiefs. No offense to the Chiefs, but i really hope the Panthers are poor hosts and pretty much take the game to them. The Panthers have not done well at home under Coach Fox. I have no idea why this is the case, but there it is. And with the Panthers being a 9 point favorite, and the Chiefs having a hard time winning so far this year, it is the perfect opportunity for a Panther let down. :( May God grant each of you a peace and joy filled weekend. Verse for today: Psalm 11, ESV In the Lord I take refuge; how can you say to my soul, “Flee like a bird to your mountain, for behold, the wicked bend the bow; they have fitted their arrow to the string to shoot in the dark at the upright in heart; if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?” [1]

The Lord is in his holy temple; the Lord's throne is in heaven; his eyes see, his eyelids test the children of man. The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. Let him rain coals on the wicked; fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup. For the Lord is righteous; he loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold his face.

Music Monday - 20080929

Wow, what a weekend. I am dragging pretty hard right now. Our church had our annual Fall retreat and a good time was had by all. It is located in such a beautiful place. This was our 5th year going, and we always seem to have a great time. On Friday i mentioned that i had found a friend through Facebook, and we've become "friends" again. LOL Anyway, i found out that he is in a Bluegrass band with other people from his church, and he has a link to a MySpace page that has a few of the songs they do together. One was...

Peace in the Valley Oh well, I’m tired and so weary But I must go alone Till the lord comes and calls, calls me away, oh yes Well the morning's so bright And the lamp is alight And the night, night is as black as the sea, oh yes There will be peace in the valley for me, some day There will be peace in the valley for me, oh Lord I pray There'll be no sadness, no sorrow No trouble, trouble I see There will be peace in the valley for me, for me Well the bear will be gentle And the wolves will be tame And the lion shall lay down by the lamb, oh yes And the beasts from the wild Shall be lit by a child And I'll be changed, changed from this creature that I am, oh yes There will be peace in the valley for me, some day There will be peace in the valley for me, oh Lord I pray There'll be no sadness, no sorrow No trouble, trouble I see There will be peace in the valley for me, for me

I am not sure who the original author, but there do appear to be a large number of people who have enjoyed playing it over the years. :) Elvis Presley, Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash, and on and on. But isn't it good to know that there will be a time when we can rest and remain by those still waters. Verse for today: Psalm 23, ESV The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. [1] He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness [2] for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [3] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely [4] goodness and mercy [5] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell [6] in the house of the Lord forever. [7]

Football and/or Fallout Fridays

It has been longer than i would like to think since i last blogged. Life has been busy and flustering of late - for me anyway. In any event on to blogging. I already blogged about last weekends disappointing lost so i will not 'bleed' that wound any more. :) This weekend has the Atlanta Falcons coming into Charlotte. The odds makers have the Panthers at 7 point favorites. Now, the base line is based off of stats and seems reasonable, but that all goes out the window once the first ball is kicked off. Atlanta is coming off some impressive wins against the Detroit Lions (who recently fired their president) and the Kansas City Chiefs, and also a loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Right now i'd like to think that the Panthers are more like the Bucs than not, but i think this week will tell the tale. I think last week was more of an example of the chemistry taking time to re-gel between Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith. Not that it will just click over the past week, but it should improve. Also, the Panthers have a tendency to not really kick in the gear until November, December. Not something i am really happy about. I am continuing to count down the days until i can get my hands on Fallout 3. Only 32 more days until the game is released. Now, honestly, i am content to wait. I am not sitting on my hands trying to contain this bottled up excitement, but i am looking forward to it. Over on a site known an IGN they are running a series of articles. Some basic stuff like what weapons are available in the game, what different kind of skills and 'perks' there are, but the article from yesterday caught attention. One thing Bethesda Software is really proud of is the fact that you can go "anywhere" and do "anything" you want. Of course that is a slight exaggeration, but it would appear that this is larger than most. Now i know many would not like the fact that some one playing the game can pull out a pistol and shoot another character in the game in cold blood, but to me this is no different than the world we live in now. We are all presented choices everyday. "...choose this day whom you will serve..." (Joshua 24:15, ESV) I like the fact that i can act like a "good Samaritan" and be rewarded for my choices. Anyway, the article on Good Karma is a good read IMO. This whole financial meltdown has me getting irritated at the whole process here in America. I swear, sometimes politicians are so paralyzed by fear of what people think that they fail to actually lead. I am not going to post what my personal feelings are on this whole debacle because i am not an expert in such things. I just get so frustrated by the partisan politics on both sides of the aisle. Sometimes people have to act in ways that are not popular in order to move the greater good forward. This weekend we are having our local church retreat. Over time it has become less theological in the focus of discussions (or break out seasons), but the time of fellowship with other church members is why we go more than anything. It is a time of fellowship, service to others, and very little sleep to be had. :) I am sure I will pay for this weekend into next week, but it will be worth it. On a last note, on a whim i searched Facebook for an old high school friend last night, and i found him! I am nervous because we drifted apart over the years and others have sort of come into our lives, possibly whispered in our ears, and driven wedges. I hope not, but it's possible. This man was always an honorable person when i knew him over twenty years ago. I've read over what he has made public on Facebook, as well as a link he had for a My Space page he has for a group he plays in. It would seem we could still have somethings in common. We shall see what God has in store. Verse for today: Psalm 126 : 1-3, ESV When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.

Music Monday - 20080922

What a weekend. Friday was spent moving and waiting between my house and the hospital that was over 25 miles away (the Urologists in my hometown do not take my insurance). Everything went well and we were home by 7:30pm. My beloved had a 4mm stone. Now, to be honest, when i first heard that i didn't think that was all that big, but after further consideration i think that thing was HUGE! I mean, picture a 4mm object trying to flow through such a tiny little tube... and then picture that happening to you! ;-) One bad thing is that i woke up Friday morning to the realization that a pretty decent head cold had taken a grip upon me. But it was not truly felt until Saturday. The rest of the weekend i spent in slow motion. Normally my beloved tries to make sure i can get rest when i am not feeling well but this weekend i had to be on my feet to make sure she was getting her rest. Poor kids ate a lot of PB&J. ;) Several friends helped out by watching them on Friday till we got home, and by bringing meals through last night. Very helpful, and a God send. I don't know if it was because of being under the weather, or if this is truly something God is trying to show me but it would seem that God has been showing me my 'place', if you will, within the body of Christ. I am not liking what i am seeing in regards to how i am actually doing/being/performing within the body, but in regards to my role/function i am remarkably comfortable. I always fancied myself as one who could be withing the leadership of the church, but in reality i am not much of a leader. I am a pretty good 'soldier' if-you-will, but not one who fashions ideas and plans. Not one who executes initiative. That is not to say that there are not times i should act in such ways, just that they are not my 'natural' inclination. When the realization of such things came over me i thought i should be more disagreeable, but God was fairly gentle in these revelations. He kindly showed me examples in my own life while unfolding it. I have been too busy trying to keep the house and kids moving to really meditate on this... i am hoping that it is not just me wanting to be lazy. Who knows, maybe it is a means in which God is trying to "wake me up". I mean, isn't it the "American Way" to always seek out leadership? To seize the initiative and show others the way to go? Ok, on to my usual blogging subject matter. I chose today's song because Micheal W Smith has long been an inspiration to me when it comes to worship. "Draw Me Close to You" is call we all really long to sing. Even those who never turn from their sins and accept what Christ has accomplished feel this tug. Just like his Word says, "...every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess [2] to God" (Romans 14:11, ESV).

Draw Me Close to You by Kelly Carpenter sung by Micheal W Smith (YouTube video below) Draw me close to you Never let me go I lay it all down again To hear you say that I'm your friend You are my desire No one else will do Cause nothing else can take your place To feel the warmth of your embrace Help me find the way Bring me back to you You're all I want You're all I've ever needed You're all I want Help me know you are near

Could there be anything more desirous? Anything more worth pursuing? May God be with each and every one of you this day. Verse for today: Psalm 25 : 4-5, ESV Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

Football and/or Fallout Fridays

Finally we have football games back on the air! \o/ But i didn't watch the game last night... Why you may ask? Primetime at the US Open. :) Man Roddick looked BAD last night. He just can't get the angles. It's almost likes he relies upon his incredible serve (he holds the world record at 155mph!). Gjokovich played great and has been steadily improving his game. Fedderer and Nadal need to step up their games as they both look like they are vulnerable. Ok, back to football... The Panthers finally begin their 2008 season and they are only 9 point underdogs to the San Diego Chargers this Sunday. I won't be able to watch the game since i don't live in the Carolinas, but i plan on following it on my phone as much as possible - as well as whatever game i can get on the TV. We'll see. Speaking of the upcoming season there are a few games i am looking forward to: 14-Sep: The Chicago Bears - this game is sort of a personal rivalry thing. Back when i was called up to active duty my poor Panthers were struggling. They were coming off of their 1-15 season and was working their way through a 7-9 season under first year head coach John Fox. Any way my platoon leader, a die hard Chicago Bears fan, wanted to "make the game interesting". I relucantly agreed when he mentioned sweatshirts. I thought to myself, "how much could that be? $20-$30 at most?" It ended up he wanted to do the NFLshop.com! I gulped when i found out, but i was committed. By the grace of God the Panthers won. I still have the sweatshirt. :) The tradition has continued and i now have a nice hat and 3'x5' flag - all Carolina Panthers gear. :) I think that tradition is due to swing the other way - but this time my friend is serving over seas. Not sure what he might he might want - but I'd be willing to send him something, just to let him know i am still thinking about him. 12-Oct: @ the Tampa Bay Buccaneers - the past several seasons this has really developed into a nice rivalry. Each time both teams bring their very best effort. It is also a division game, and the Panthers tend to wear their 'alternate' uniforms. A dream present for me is an authentic John Kasay jersey. But i hope i never get it in a way... they are incredibly expensive. 19-Oct: The New Orleans Saints - Since Hurricane Katrina, with the exception of the season they played all 16 games on the road, have been playing with a chip on their shoulder. They have also really stepped up and actually performed with more than pride. Even before that though, the two meetings each season between the Panthers and the Saints have been some really good games. 8-Dec: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (ESPN) - for the same reasons above, but to include that this is the only nationally televised game for the Panthers so i will plan on sitting down and watching it. 28-Dec: @ The New Orleans Saints - for the same reasons above, but this is also the game that closes out the regular season. With God's provision this won't be the last game for the Panthers this year, but... we shall see. I also found a new button for my Facebook flair board: Sad, i know. LOL Not too much more to report other than it is still 52 more days until the release of the game. I've also been busy on eBay to try and pick up a few trinkets. All of them are sales like promos done by Bethesda Softworks. The first is a CD that i got when i pre-ordered the game from my local Game Stop. The label on the CD and the jacket were both done up to look like an old 45 lp. The songs are not all that great from strictly a music stand point, but are funny and fit the atmosphere of the game. The second item i picked up was the 'Vault Dwellers Survival Guide'. This is a tongue in cheek 'guide' for how a person who is used to living under ground all their lives should act in order to survive out in the nuclear wastelands. This was a promotional item available at a computer games convention known as the "Penny Arcade Expo" (or PAX for short). The last item i picked up for fun is a 'Nuka Cola bottle opener'. Since I am such a fan of Coke and Dr Pepper (especially in glass bottles for some reason) i thought i would pick this up. I am not sure if it is even usable as an actual bottle opener. All of these things will most likely sit on a shelf somewhere until i die and my kids are going through my personal affects and they say, "what in the world is this", and "what was he thinking"? LOL Still, they are interesting conversation pieces I guess. None of them cost very much, but I am sure I will feel guilty for spending the little bit extra it did cost me. Two countries, Australia and Germany, have restricted the game in some sense. Australia does not like the 'realistic' depiction of the use of drugs within the game (I totally understand their reservation here). Germany on the other hand has reservations about the graphic depiction of violence within the game (yet another "i get it"). I've considered trying to get the game from Germany but I am not sure. Part of the game is the 'campy over the top' of certain things. One of them is the result of combat within the game. Having said that i have also learned that it is completely possible to play the entire game in 'pacifist' mode. That is you would only have to kill one creature, and that is in the tutorial at the beginning of the game where you are trying to learn the controls of the game. Verse for today: Psalm 25 : 1-7, ESV To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Football and/or Fallout Fridays

Hello fellow sports fans and welcome to the regular season of the NFL! Last night the Carolina Panthers played their last game of the preseason. As was the case of the previous three games it was meaningless in regards to the championship (otherwise known as the Super Bowl), but it was the last chance twenty two guys were going to get to try and earn a job. Think about it. As of September 1st over seven hundred guys are going to be out of a job! And that is not counting all the guys that went to training camps between May and July 1st, or the guys that were cut earlier this week. Even though the last four games for the Panthers are now erased from the record books (other than some small footnote) i enjoy the spectacle nonetheless. i am pulling for Rhys Lloyd the place kicker from Great Brittan - so long as he does not oust John Kasay. I like what i was seeing on the Defensive Line, the offensive line, the Running Back situation, the Tight End situation, and the Defensive back situation. (Wow, you would think i am ready to ride the bus all the way to Tampa Bay!) But one thing is for sure. Right now there are fans of 31 other NFL teams all excited about the possibilities of the 2008 season. One thing is for sure though... the 2008 NFL season has begun! WOO HOO! Only nine more days until the season opens in San Diego. All i need now is to get the draft done for my fantasy football team (the Redleg Boomers) and I will ready for gameday! Not much new on the Fallout 3 front. Well, at least i am not sure what to say about it (yet). There are new reviews out almost every day, and the spin machine from Bethesda Software is really doing their job well, but i tend to like to look beyond the hype and just see what i can see without someone telling what i am supposed to be seeing. The Fallout 3 blog has been doing an excellent job of posting both pro and con reviews, etc. I know most of the reviewers are talking about how great it is to be able to play the game in a "morally neutral" way, and to be honest it bothers me that people want to know if they can "shot the kid NPC's", but I think those kind of questions speak more to the gaming society at large (which is to say a large portion of our youth and young adults) than the game itself. To Bethesda Software's credit I have heard two things that I applaud. The first one was there refusal to include the option of being able to shoot kids in the game. Why is this even a topic under consideration and/or debate? They (Bethesda Software) has been essentially unwilling to compromise, or discuss such a compromise, such a thing. Bravo! The second was an instance where someone interviewing the company about the game and asked if it was possible to get into an x-rated situation (I am paraphrasing) and the company representative said "not interested", and "no it is not a possibility". I think it's great that they went to such great lengths to make things feasible (to include moral choices being possible that I may or may not agree with), but were unwilling to include such things (and probably more that I am not aware of). They were willing to draw a line somewhere. For color here is the video for the beginning of the game... I am going to be enjoying a rare three day weekend, so until next time - I hope you all have a great grace and peace filled weekend. Verse for today: Psalm 141 : 3-5a, ESV Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with men who work iniquity, and let me not eat of their delicacies! Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.

Ever have a song running through your head...

...that just won't go away? It plays over and over and over again? LOL - i am there today. Last night my beloved was watching the opening ceremonies for the US Open and the song in question came on and it has been playing over and over in my head since then! This is not a bad thing as i LOVE this song. The problem? For the life of me i cannot remember the title to this song! That is the part that is driving me crazy. The melody is what is playing over and over with the whispers of the lyrics. How do you look something up on the internet when you have no "written word" to use as a parameter? This is all i know... It is a tempo piece, usually used to give the feeling of tension/conflict. The vocals are sort of an operatic. I have heard it used as background pieces in various sporting events like the US Open and even a movie or two, but rarely something like Football. Da da da da; da da da da; da da da da... da... da da - you see my dilemma? LOL If anyone happens to think of a possiblity PLEASE send it my way! I am willing to explore most options. Anyway... Ok citizens, go on about your business. There is nothing more to be seen here. The US Open started yesterday which means i am a tennis widower once more. I enjoy tennis. My beloved has really gotten me hooked, but I can still let it go until the highlights if it means I need to get some sleep. Same with Football - unless the Panthers are playing. Last night DD3 wanted me to take the training wheels off of her bike. It didn't last very long as we were going down the sidewalk but she couldn't quite get her balance. She never fell, but she got nervous enough for me to put them back on. Also last night was the "meet and greet" and DS2's school (my Aspie). He has been a little nervous for a little over a week now. He does not like change, and heading back to school is definitely change. We usually have a rough September before he settles into his routine. But we did get a good piece of news from last year. He scored "above mastery" in all areas of his proficiency tests. \o/ (proud papa). As I was stumbling through the house this morning (i really didn't want to get up) on my way out to the gym, DS1 was up and starting his day. He has never been very hard to get up, sort of a self starter when he sets his mind to it. Ok, I have totally lost my train of thought. LOL I hope that this finds each of you enjoying God's grace today. Verse for today: Psalm 127 : 1-2, ESV Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Slimming down and shaping up

Yesterday afternoon I was approached by a coworker. He wanted to know if I wanted to join in on an office "Biggest Loser" contest. Starting next Tuesday those who want to participate will get weighed and measured, and give $50 up front. There after it will cost $25 per month to stay in the competition. That is pretty steep for me, but I told him I might be interested in playing along, just without money or a chance to win the prizes which will be based off of the most weight lost and most body fat percentage lost. I think it would still serve as a good means to motivate me and drive forward with my exercise regimen. (Hopefully) more to follow. In other areas... I have gone through and sold off a couple of books and DVD's that I don't watch or read. Not a lot, probably not as many as I should get rid of. Yesterday a good internet friend posted a blog that was based around "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. The video (below) is actually scary in the sense that it shows just how easily we can slip. In another blog I followed a link concerning how easy it is to become entangled. It was based off of Psalm 1...

Blessed is the man [1] who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law [2] of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.

The image shared is of a (wo)man who is walking in and among such people. Which then leads into actually stopping to listen in, and then sitting down and participating. It is the "slow fade". "I will just meet with this person (who is not my spouse) for lunch." Which then becomes drinks, then dinner... you get the idea. But the "slow fade" does not just have to be in the area of adultery. What about idolatry? Slowly you spend more and more time 'meditating' on things other than God. Eventually it starts to creep into other areas, and then you are doing whatever it is instead of quiet times, or even going to Sunday services. This latter thing is something that I struggle with. They are not always 'bad' things either - but if it starts to vie for my time in worship or meditation on the things of God it has become an idol. What about covetousness, or bearing a false witness. It is no wonder we (mankind) are in such a need of a Savior. No wonder we need to "talk/preach to ourselves" more than we need to listen to ourselves. The enemy of our souls is crafty and knows where we are vulnerable. We must ever be on our guard, and in constant prayer asking for God to watch over and protect us. God has really been working on me in this area. Opening my eyes to ways I have been allowing little things to creep in. I think we all need that reminder from time to time. Verse for today: Ezekiel 37 : 21-23, ESV then say to them, Thus says the Lord God: Behold, I will take the people of Israel from the nations among which they have gone, and will gather them from all around, and bring them to their own land. And I will make them one nation in the land, on the mountains of Israel. And one king shall be king over them all, and they shall be no longer two nations, and no longer divided into two kingdoms. They shall not defile themselves anymore with their idols and their detestable things, or with any of their transgressions. But I will save them from all the backslidings [6] in which they have sinned, and will cleanse them; and they shall be my people, and I will be their God.

Why do I get so many butterflies?

I cannot go into any real detail yet, but I am nervous. Please pray for me. There is no need to be nervous, and yet I am. Why? Because I am looking to make a change in my life. More to follow - some day. ;-) Verse for today: Psalm 37 : 7-9, ESV Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

Music Monday - 20080728

I need to apologize up front today. I do not have a particular song to add today, but I do want to gush a little about my new MP3 player (a retirement present to myself). Now I am by no means a cutting-edge-technology kind of guy when it comes to these kinds of things, so I bought a 2GB Samsung K3.I am a basic black kind of guys so that is the color I got. After shopping around I found a sale at a Best Buy - who beat out even Walmart! So far I love this little player. It was easy to set up, but because I had some "brain cramps" I spent a couple of hours loading, deleting, reloading both software and songs. This thing is supposed to hold about 500 songs, but after dumping all of my Praise and Worship music, plus the dozen or so sermons that I haven't listened to yet, I've only used about 28% of the storage capacity! LOL I still have other CD's I want to load into it, but I am beginning to think that I will not fill it up. Not anytime soon anyway. :-) I wanted to get a portable MP3 player because, 1) I wanted to move into the 21st century, 2) I am actually looking into going to a gym (I really want to lose between 20-30 pounds), 3) I like the idea of having something so small carry so much music! I know that's kind of lame for a Music Monday, but I hope you all find time to lift up your voices in praise to our Lord and Savior some time today - because He is worth it! Verse for today: Psalm 71 : 22-23, ESV I will also praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praises to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel. My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed.

Vacation's all I ever wanted...

Well, not really. I do enjoy my work - mostly, still, it's nice to get away from the routine and just do something different. We spent a week visiting friends and family in the Dallas, TX area. It is never an entirely stress free vacation visiting with family (why is that?), at least for us. We saw our first ever rodeo, pretty interesting. Not my cup of tea, but it was something I had never done before. My beloved had a good time just doing some people watching. :) I LOVE the architecture of the homes in the Northern Dallas area. Maybe it's just because of the homes I have seen through my Beloved's family out there, but I really like how the walls are done (Spackle & Drag - I think that's what it's called). It has a textured look to it, not just flat, and the corners are rounded. Very nice. I also really like the hand scraped flooring. It is essentially a wooden flooring that is smooth when first put down, but then is literally scraped and has a more rough (but with out the splinters and sharp edges) texture to it. If I could afford it I would level my current house and have contractors build one just them here. One thing I don't like are the postage stamp sized yards. My old townhouse had a larger lot... granted I had an end unit, but still. Another interesting sporting event happened while I was there. A man named Josh Hamilton really caught my attention. He is currently a member of the Texas Rangers, but has a God glorifying history. He was a first round draft choice, had a fairly decent career in Baseball, and then he threw it all away for drugs. He was out of Baseball for a couple of years, and then God arrested his heart and mind. He cleaned up, and with God's grace, has made it back to the big leagues. My sister-in-law, and her family saw him play at least one game this year (I believe) as a Frisco Roughrider (the AA farm team for the Rangers). Now, I am not much of a Baseball fan, but watching him hit 28 home runs in the Home Run Derby was something. I was also inspired to hear this young man give the glory to Christ when he was interviewed after. I might become a sudo-Texas Rangers fan now. I had more that I wanted to write about, but... I am failing to remember now. I guess that's the danger of blogging 'live' instead of writing it out and then pasting it in. Especially when it is taking me a couple of hours to get it all typed out. :) Verse for today: Psalm 86 : 11-13, ESV Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

Day 1 of returning to 'normal'

What is normal anyway? :D

What a crazy eighteen days. For fifteen of them I was on the last two week annual training of my military career. I tried to relax and just enjoy them (all the while making sure I performed the duties required of me and the position I held - that of First Sergeant). And for the most part I did.

The first week was brutally hot. Heat indexes routinely over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. A day on the rifle range here, preparation for section certifications, etc. Except for the heat it was a pretty good week. Some disappointment came when the Captain and I were informed that we would only be able to certify two gun sections and not the three we had hoped, and pushed, for. We firmly believed we could have done it, but when the Battalion tells you that they are uncomfortable with your proposal... there's not much you can do. Still, we were the first battery to certify a section, first gun to fire, most number of rounds fired... it was very satisfying. There were two minor, and one major, downers. The two minors were fairly minor injuries (one ankle, the other a nasty gash to a finger that got caught in the breech of a howitzer), and the major was a UCMJ type deal. I won't elaborate on the latter.

I have taken a couple of rolls of film, but it is going to take me a few days to get them developed. I plan on getting them put on a picture disc as well (because of the number of requests from others in the unit to share), so it will be easier to post them here to share later.

Well, I am going to wrap this up for today. I hope to catch up on all my blogging friend's blogs later today.
Verse for today:
Psalm 118 : 19-24, ESV
Open to me the gates of righteousness,
that I may enter through them
and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord;
the righteous shall enter through it.
I thank you that you have answered me
and have become my salvation.
The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone. [2]
This is the Lord's doing;
it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

My how time flies

I can't believe I totally lost Tuesday! I blinked and it's now Wednesday! What happened!

My last summer in the guard is heating up and all of a sudden I am dealing with a flood of "soldier issues". It's just amazing to me. I have one soldier who re-enlisted last summer on condition of him being transferred to HQ. No problem, BUT, he needed to pass the APFT before he could go to the school, which is required before he can transfer. That was almost a whole year ago now, and the kid has yet to pass the APFT! He is now complaining and all of a sudden has an excuse not to go to our annual training. I'm pretty sure he is blaming us for his transfer not being completed yet. We have similar issues with other soldiers... it just frustrates me. These guys would not have these "problems" if they just concentrated on taking care of the things they can control, and not complaining about what others are "not" doing for them. Life is so full of things that are not "free". Maybe I am seeing a shift from my generation that struggles with the concept of grace, to a new one that will be struggling with license...

And now for something completely different. I have been saving my pennies for an elliptical machine but it is painfully slow. For sometime I have been wanting to get back into some form of martial art. Not to become the next Van Damme or Steven Seagal, but to improve my overall health and flexibility. After reviewing several Christian resources I think Aikido will be best in line with my Christian faith. It is predominately a defensive form, and seems to flow along with how I handle myself as it is. After reviewing my finances I think I can afford the monthly fees (the group I am looking at is a non-profit, and thus less expensive), and by some (possibly) working of God - I already have gym mats at home in order to practice. I am also considering asking DS1 if he would come with me (the instructor will not take students under the age of 12). I am hoping it might be a good way to bond and enter in good discussions about Christianity and other world views.

Well, I need to run for now. May the Lord richly bless all who come and read this humble little blog.
Verse for today:
Psalm 18 : 28-30, ESV
For it is you who light my lamp;
the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
For by you I can run against a troop,
and by my God I can leap over a wall.
This God—his way is perfect; [4]
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

What am I scared of?

Or is it that I just don't like doing things without knowing how first? I still haven't tried out the new program I downloaded last week. Just type... that's what I do all day for work anyway. Point-click, type, enter... I mean, I'm not even on the hook for anything. I just want to do it for fun! Theodore Roosevelt said it best:

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds might have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."

Too often I am more among those on the sidelines, even in areas that I want to be a part of. I do not owe anyone this story that I want to write. There is no deadline. I am only writing really for myself. Sure I post them in a blog for all to see, but there are no expectations there either. And it's not just in my writing.

I get "camera shy" in other things I do. I've always wanted to do small time acting... but I get up there and I start to stutter, etc. Once, for church, I was in a small play and I had the only part where I could sit down and read my lines. Do you know I was the only one in our 3 day run that flubbed their lines! LOL

I like to write, I like to imagine, I like to pretend and play - it's just that I don't like to do those things publicly.
Verse for today:
Psalm 107 : 4-9, ESV
Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to a city to dwell in;
hungry and thirsty,
their soul fainted within them.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
till they reached a city to dwell in.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
For he satisfies the longing soul,
and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Music Monday - 20080520

Ok, I know... I am a day late. But I have a good reason. It's because I took yesterday off. :)

Over the weekend I could not get this song out of my head. It played over, and over, and over... and not in that annoying kind of way. I ended up downloading it so I could listen to someone who was actually a good singer, sing it. LOL

Agnus Dei
by Michael W. Smith
Album: Worship - 09/11/2001

Alleluia
Alleluia
For the Lord God Almighty reigns

Alleluia
Alleluia
For the Lord God Almighty reigns

Alleluia
Holy
Holy are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

You are holy
Holy are you Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

Amen

I remember when I first purchased the DVD for this album. I won active duty and feeling kind of lonely around Christmas time. The entire album has left an impression upon me and I like to put the DVD in when I am pittering around the house. I guess the song came to my mind because this weekend was another drill weekend, and I am running out of those. The lyrics really do not reflect the power of the music. The lyrics are powerful, but when you feel them in your soul... music has a way of filling you with the words. You feel them for a lack of a better word. One thing has come to mind however... can you be this "worshipful" when it is just you and God? When it is just you and the Lord, singing with no one else - or even those you are not familiar with - around? I confess that I have a harder time when I am around those I am not 'comfortable' with. And when I am alone I sometimes struggle to stay focused. But, I still love to sing and praise the Lord.

I love music, I love to sing, I love to hum, I love to whistle. I once tried to teach myself how to play the keyboard, but got discouraged (in only two months). If I had more time I'd like to think I would take music lessons. I am almost jealous of Phil Connors (Bill Murray) in Ground Hog Day.

I hope you all had a grace and peace filled weekend.
Verse for today:
Psalm 42 : 1-4, ESV
As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God? [2]
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.