Dealing with Disappointment

I once heard someone say, "Disappointment occurs when expectations exceed experience". I had the day off yesterday and my beloved had told me that she wanted to have some "special" time. She wanted to essentially return in kind my Valentine's day gift to her. The day started a little rough. I got up to get the boys ready for school, and then get them too school. Due to my inexperience we were a little late getting out of the gate, but both boys made it to school on time - even earlier than they are used to. When I returned home she wanted to workout - which I expected so I gave my darling daughter a bath, and prepared to jump in the shower. Well, my wife was on the phone for a while, and I was not exactly racing through the bath sequence for our daughter. It was my day off after all. So by 10:30 the wife has not started her workout yet. By this time I am already thinking that our "special" time was not going to happen. We don't leave to go out to lunch until 12:30 - and we don't get home until 2:30. She needs to leave to pick up the boys from school NLT 3:05 - so she leaves me in mid-massage to get a nap and for her to get the boys. She returns at 3:40, but does not even come upstairs until 4:15ish. And we need to get two to music classes soon. My beloved gives a great back and leg massage, but with four kids running around the house on the other side of the bedroom door... We get home from music classes at 8:30 - and low and behold niether son has their homework done, and one of them still needs a shower. Oh, and there are 3 loads of laundry to fold. By the time all kids are in bed, and the laundry is folded it is now 10:30 and mom and dad fall asleep in very short order. Litterally by 10:30 yesterday morning I already anticipated that our "special" time would be pushed by the wayside. I was still disappointed, but I was still able to enjoy the day. When my beloved asked me both last night and again this morning if I enjoyed our day together I replied that I had fun. She seemed upset with that answer. I told her that I was disappointed about our interupted time, but that I still enjoyed our time together. With being honest with her it seemed to make her disappointed, but at the same time I want her to know that id she desires "special" time with me, that I need for her to make it a priority and not just me. At the same time I am trying to encourage her in the things she is doing. Sometimes I worry that things will fold up and we will become a "stereotypical" old couple, but then I see signs of things to come and I rejoice. Verse for today: Song of Solomon 6:2-3 esv She My beloved has gone down to his garden to the beds of spices, to graze in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies.

The Cyberthief and the samurai

The title of my blog today is sort of a play on words. I have been reading the paperback book by the same name. It is about two men. Kevin Mitnick and Tsutomu Shimomura. Kevin was an 'hacker' who seemed to have made enough enemies that he back infamous and was one of the most wanted cyber criminals just as the WWW was kicking off. Tsutomu was the computer expert (and that is a very broad definition) who helped the authorities to finally track Kevin down. The play on words comes from my fondness for working on computer networks and my self reference as a samurai. I have a facination for computer networks, things like hacking or cracking, and cyber security. But for many reasons I will not begin to compare myself to Kevin, let alone Tsutomu. I am an adequate router jockey that has been blessed by God so that my supervisor has given me very favorable ratings for many, many years; however, I am honest enough with myself to know that I am just not in the same league as those who prefess to be hackers (or whatever the current slang may be). Those that are serious about hacking, and those dedicated to the defense of their computer systems are the true experts. Computer networks today are so vastly different than they were 20-30 years ago. I person can be an expert in say PC's, or routers, or firewalls, and know very little about the other areas. To be a true computer network expert one must be at least familiar with each component on a network, what it does, how it works, and how it interacts with the other pieces to the puzzle. And well, the samurai portion... my affinity for the samurai has very little to do with my computer part of my life. As I've mentioned before it has to do with how I see my relationship with Jesus Christ. I would love to learn more on how modern hackers operate, but I could just see my company's admin coming to me and saying, "Mr. 'samurai', why were you visiting hackers.com and crackers.org (note: i just made up those site names - I don't even know if they are real sites). I see you were visiting them for the past several weeks. What exactly were you doing there?" Or worse yet having a few people knock on my door at home... Anyway, ramblings are done for today. Verse for today: Proverbs 6:6-19 esv Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summerand gathers her food in harvest. How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man. A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

The Layman

As of this morning I had no idea what to blog about. Just too many "plates spinning" around in my head I guess. Well, while I was chatting with a friend she encouraged me to either just pick a word and expound upon what it meant to me - or perhaps just blog about a meeting I am going to have tonight. I've opted to chat about the meeting - it was easier for me to come up with words for. :) Well, tonight is the start of the fulfillment of a very long desire I've had for essentially lay preaching - and posssibly more. When I was a new Christian I had a deep desire to delve deep into the scriptures - as do most new Christians. I attribuited it to just new found enthusiasim. It never really abaited, but I was moving along in life. New jobs, a love interest, etc. Well, when I met my future wife in the fall of 1991 I distinctly remembering feeling an impression - almost an audible voice in my head - that God had wanted me to bring the experience I was having in my home church, out to where I would be moving to go to school after I got married. Well, life continued on its merry way and some half hearted attempts on my end never produced much fruit. After five years of spinning my wheels spritually my beloved and I started commuting an hour and a half back to my home church so that we could be where we were being fed spiritually. In 1999 I moved my family closer to the church we were attending after praying about it for about eighteen months. Although it was difficult to be involved much more than we were previously we got involved as much as we could. And after much prayer, and some prodding from God (I believe) I started to petition the church to have a church plant in the city we were then living. I really felt like God was moving in that direction. That perhaps I was being prepared for something in that city. Well, five years later and the 'parent' church still did not see a calling to plant a church, and with having to still commute 40 minutes or so to attend services and be a part of the various ministries I began feeling a tug back to the region where I first met my beloved. And you know what - late last year my old church announced a church plant in the very city I had been pleading with them about! :) It will be planted this spring, and I am very excited for them. So in 2004 we moved back - to where I am living now. I am now 16 years into my walk with the Lord, and my desire for delving in the deep waters of His Word is still there, and I do not satiate this desire near often enough for my tastes. Well, a few weeks ago while attending small group leaders meeting our Pastor (Ed) announced that he had a desire to mentor a handful of men and women who feel a call for "lay pastoring". Well with no other way to put it, my heart quickened and I felt a little faint. I have prayed since then and feel that I should participate in these meetings - which start tonight. There is more. On a few occasions, two of which come to mind readily, there have been words of prophecy prayed over me. I am nervous, and humbled that God would even consider using me. I truly am a no body. I have not performed feets of spiritual strength. But I feel a burden to be a man that preaches Christ, and Him crucified in glory. I don't know where this path will lead six months, let alone six years, from now. But may it be to the glory of Christ. Maybe I will be preaching from a pulpit somewhere. Maybe a small home church (or caregroup), or perhaps I will be only the preacher for my family. Only God knows. Verse for today: Isaiah 46:3-13 esv Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save. “To whom will you liken me and make me equal, and compare me, that we may be alike? Those who lavish gold from the purse, and weigh out silver in the scales, hire a goldsmith, and he makes it into a god; then they fall down and worship! They lift it to their shoulders, they carry it, they set it in its place, and it stands there; it cannot move from its place. If one cries to it, it does not answer or save him from his trouble. “Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose, calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it. “Listen to me, you stubborn of heart, you who are far from righteousness: I bring near my righteousness; it is not far off, and my salvation will not delay; I will put salvation in Zion, for Israel my glory.”

Being On-Call

Well, it is Sunday afternoon and I am finding myself at work. It is part of my job description and being in IT I have realized that IT does not sleep. Little 1's and 0's run between computers 24x7x365 and things do not always go as they are "supposed" to. :) Although I missed church this morning, and a good part of my weekend because of this I am not unhappy. Don't get me wrong, I am disappointed because I will now miss church 3 Sunday's in a row because of my empoyers, but how can I be mad? God has provided me with these jobs and it is by His hand I am able to provide for my family. With the National Guard I was just an irrisponsible young man. I had never held a job down for more than 3 months and as I submitted applications for jobs they began to notice. Some highlights of how God used the Guard in my life... 1) The Guard has given me some discipline in my life. I have been with the guard for 20 years this July, and with my current civilian employer for over 10 years now. 2) It has allowed me to serve others during times of crisis. 3) On one instance it helped me with a medical problem that would have cost me a lot of money, but was covered. 4) It will provide for me in retirement. With my civilian job I rejoice the most for it is through this job that I most clearly see God's hand in providing not just for me, but for my family as well. I was hired by the job I held previously by strictly being able to know how to use windows. From there my employer taught me about networking (x.25 anyone) as well as some other skills. When I obtained a CNA for Novell in 1996 I was encouraged by my then current employer to seek employment elsewhere (long story, but not fired). I only sent my resume to one company - and was hired mostly because my previous employer used the same ticketing system (and still does 10 years later !?!), and the CNA. Well, I have been with them eversince. With my current job I am able to provide for my family of 5 and allow my beloved to stay home with our children. My current job I could not have obtained by my design. I lacked the knowledge as to how. Both my current and previous employer brought me in with minimal skills and trained me. My journey to this point in my life is an oddesy - no doubt. But for me there are signs if Providence along the path - and I rejoice in His mighty hand of provision. Verse for today: 1 Timothy 6:17-19 esv As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.

Smeagol and the Christian

Many of you are familiar with the Lord of the Ring Trilogy - either in book form or the one put on the screen by Peter Jackson. (I highly recommend the books of the two, but I love the movies too!) Well, I cannot remember when the thought actually first occured to me, but I seem to feel an affinity for the charecter Smeagol - also known as Gollum. Stay with me here. I am not talking about crawling all around on all fours, or eating raw fish. But within each of us, I believe, there is a Smeagol. One who wrestles with temptations. Maybe a ghastly deed that is now buried deep and hidden. A sin that we struggle and fight with, or a past sin we feel that could never fully be forgiven. When the movies were released on DVD I just had to have the collectors sets. The ones with the statues in them. The Fellowship of the Ring set had the two statues that the charecters float between. They make very nice bookends. The Return of the King set included a small replica of the city and was sort of a small jewlry box. But the Two Towers set had a statue of this despicable creature. My wife hates that statue. I confess the charecter has very little to offer in the way of appeal. And although he is instrumental in the completion of the quest to destroy the ring of power, it is only by his own downfall that this is really accomplished. I keep that statue in a place where I can place my eyes on it from time to time. I want to remind myself that unless God had called me I am that creature. I am willing to do almost anything to get my hands, my heart, and my mind wrapped around whatever 'precious' that strikes my fancy. My 'ring of power' if you will. I'd like to think that I would never murder anyone, but without the grace of God can I really say that? How many times do you hear friends and family of some murderer say, "he was such a nice man...."? I do know that I have coveted. I would lie to keep it. I would strike out to protect my 'precious'. If not for God, and what Christ has accomplished for me, I am that creature. Bent on the reclamation of my 'precious'. And in the end that which I would so desire would have dragged me down into the pit of fire. Instead, I get to live akin to the elves that were leaving the shores of Middle Earth. And that - not of my own hands. Verse for today: Isiah 61:1-4, 10-11 esv The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations.

Sleeping in the Bed we have made

This may come across as a little - well, odd. But I am pro-sex. That is I like sex, and believe it is perhaps the most beautiful thing a man and a woman can be a part of. But, it is only beautiful when it is engaged in the way that God has intended it to be. When we pursue Godly sex within our marriage we are honoring the marriage bed that He has given to us. Today, speaking only for America since that is the scope of my experience, sexual exploits are openly encouraged. Advertising, sit-coms, movies, all seem to say that meeting someone and jumping straight into bed is fine, good, and encouraged. As a Christian I know that this is wrong. God has intended sex to be within the context of marriage alone. And yet the churches opposition to it over the past - I don't even know - has led my society to where it is today IMO. Once the church started to basically say that sex was something to - essentially - be tolerated, only done to procreate - the enemy jumped on it. Just read "Song of Solomon" (or sometimes refered to as "Song of Songs") and see what God has for married sex. But instead of promoting sex as something good, and something to be encouraged, it has been diminshed and supressed. As a result the enemy has taken a truth, and twisted into something that it is not intended to be. The enemy is masterful at doing that. Taking a truth of God, and putting a seed of doubt, or a question about it, and then twists it out of what it is supposed to be. If you are married and are reading this rejoice in this gift of God, and ask for God to open the heart and mind of not only your spouse, but of yourself. We each have a view of this like we see Christ - as if in a mirror, and that dimly. but the great thing is that we can get to practice and slowly be conformed into what God has for each of us. If you are not married, I want to encourage you to save sex for marriage. It is not that I want to try and deprive you of something exquisite - quite the opposite. I want to encourage you to seek to save such an experience for the one to whom God will bring to you. When we do things outside of what God has designed, it is then that we really get to know the "evil" side of the fruit from the tree in the garden. The enemy will tell you that it is cruel to withhold such a beautiful thing, but in reality it is the enemy of our souls that wants to turn something beautiful into something ugly (and we the church has allowed this in so many ways), and so that when the time does come it's beauty has been tarnished. Not that sex will never be what God intended, but the sin will increase the burden and make it harder to achieve all that God has intended in the contect of our marriage beds. --- And I tell you this from personal experience to my shame. I may not have done all that God would have me do, but by His grace I am being conformed into the image of Christ. I am shedding the burdens of my sins by laying them at His cross. And he is healing my heart and mind (as well as my beloved's) and we are growing towards that image put forth in His Word. Healing is always possible. :) Verse for today: Song of Songs 1:2-4 & 2:2 SHE: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. HE: As a lily among brambles,so is my love among the young women.

Moving Day

Well, my office is moving today. Kind of a long story but it will be a long day from a employment perspective. I am not one who likes change too much. I can do it if I must, but I realy like things staying the same. Routine is fun for me. :) Anyway, I have been formulating an idea for a blog, but I just don't have time to flesh it out today. May God be with you all today. :) Verse for today: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 esv For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.