Spinning Plates

I struggle with too many topics flowing through my mind.  Things that i want to research more.  Find someone to discuss with.  Take notes to improve upon. 

Unfortunately, i do not have the discipline to get things written down before my brain has moved on to a different topic before i have written anything down.  I have been trying to discipline myself to just carry around a notebook, and then allowing myself to have a messy set of notes long enough to then transfer them in to an organized fashion.  My problem is... i have been trying to do this for several decades.  Yes, decades, not weeks, months or even years... decades.  *sigh*  

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Be who you are. Everyone else is already taken.

 "Not everyone will like me. But there will be those who will accept me just for who i am." ~ Leonard Nemoy 

Growing up i remember not caring what people thought of me.  In hindsight i am confident that i had gotten tired of trying to mask my autism and had decided to just be me.  I only remember having three friends before high school, which never bothered me.  Then in High School, if it wasn't for "Ram" coming up to me in the cafeteria, i am not sure if i would have made many more friends.  Fortunately for me, that friendship has lasted a lifetime.

I think more people would live a more happy life if they cared less about what others think of them.

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The Way of the Christian Samurai

Just a quick note.  The Way of the Christian Samurai: Reflections for servant-warriors of Christ, is currently free on Kindle until May 4th (2024).

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Expanding upon the condensed

I have often wondered if others struggle with the "conversion" from perceived entertainment material, and the scale of reality.  Almost everyone has a form of entertainment that we enjoy.  Reading, playing games, and/or watching movies.  But each of them are limited in what can be expressed compared to what our brains actually process.

For example, in the world of Fallout, the lore states that vaults are supposed to be able to house up to 1,000 residents, but we never get to see more than, maybe, a couple of dozen other vault dwellers in game.  Within a book the scope of what the author can convey is limited to (roughly) 1k bits per second.  A television series, or movie, is more efficient in that it can convey almost a full visual spectrum of what is happening, but there is still no sense of smell, taste, or touch.

It has been several days since i started this post and i am not entirely sure where i was going with it, but i hope that it will help others to think about things.  There is always more to what can be seen, heard, expressed within the story, show, movie.  Even within the sermon preached on Sunday.  Take the time to think about it for yourself.  I like to call it, 'rubik' it out.  Like the Rubik's cube.  Look at each side of it.  Sort it out.  And do not always take just the face shown to you, all the while, being careful to not insert something that is not there.

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Celebrate Life

 "We believe that every day on this crazy planet is worth celebrating." ~ Blue Man Group 

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Death comes for us all

"To win any battle, you must fight as if you are already dead." ~ Miyamoto Musashi

In all of human history, written or unwritten, there is one truly universal experience.  Death.  It is something that i believe everyone dreads at some point in their life.  It is an unexplorable, untestable, mystery.  Do we cease to exist?  Is there an "ever-after"?  This all contributes to a natural hesitation of giving literally "your all".  

For me, this proverb lends itself to say, "just how far are you willing to go?"  "What is the true price are you willing to pay?"  If you are in a place where 'life and death situations' is a real possibility, more often than not, anything less than every ounce of  your will to do your duty, complete your mission, can result in not only the failure of your job/mission, but likely contribute to the death of others, and likely yourself anyway.  But, it is only natural to come head to head with that eternal, most serious, fear.

In those situation, the only way you can "give it your all" is to come to own the fact that we all die.  It is only a matter of what day/time.  So, give yourself over to the knowledge that, in the history of time, you are already dead, so, give it everything, and fight as if you are already dead.

Now, a deviation from this one train of thought i have also come to know, and live by.  I LIVE as if i am already dead.  I am diagnosed as "severely depressed".  So much so, every time i see my Psychiatrist i am given a set of questions, basically asking if i am planning on harming myself or others.  I have been asked, more than once, if i have certain... instruments, at home.  But, as a Christian, my belief is that, it is not up to me to determine when i will leave this life.  That is ONLY for God, only for my Lord Jesus Christ to say, "it is time".  So, for me, i live my life, every day as if i am already dead unto MYSELF.

If you have navigated by this page, and you are struggling, PLEASE do not fight this fight alone.  You are not weak to seek help.  

If you, or someone you love, is contemplating suicide:  Call, or text 988 - from anywhere in the United States.  If you are at your wits end, and you are not in the United States, i am researching other services around the world to share as well.

988l Suicide & Crisis Hotline

Veteran suicide prevention

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Shōgun - life & death

As the theme of my blog here might lead you to believe, i can confirm that i have been watching the show Shōgun.  I have been intrigued by the samurai since the very first release of Shadowrun in 1989 and i learned of Street Samurai.  Even though the similarities between a cyberpunk "samurai" and one of Feudal Japan end, almost at the use of the word.  However, since then, i have spent time delving into learning more about both worlds.

"We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that." - Toda Mariko (Fictional character, Shōgun, Netflix, 2024)

When i heard Mariko say the line above, it struck a cord with me.  I know without question that God is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and i am fully confident that He has provided humankind with free will.  However, mankind is finite, and with so many of us running around, our desires often conflict with each other.  Then, toss in the rhythms of nature (weather, tectonic plates, etc.) life is unpredictable and, no matter how much power and/or influence a person might acquire, we never control everything.

We do not choose to be born.  We do not choose our DNA.  But, we can choose HOW we live.  We can choose how we react to the things that come at us every day.  I do NOT, and WILL NOT, EVER, endorse suicide, but we can choose how we face death which is indeed a universal constant among us humans.

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