Samurai's Dojo

Am i white with black stripes, or am i black with white stripes?

2012-01-11T18:30:00.000-05:00

First, i apologize for not being as diligent in writing for my blog of late. To be honest i think there are times when i just do it for the comments, or some form of acknowledgement of what i do, when the truth is... i don't really reach all that many people. That's OK. I just need to learn to get back to writing for why i got in to blogging in the first place, and that was to write for myself, to work out various thoughts, etc.

I really like my Tilley hat, an LTM6 Airflo. I love hats in general, and i have lost count as to how many hats i have at home. I try not to buy them (them and bags, like backpacks, etc.), but... my beloved once told me that i didn't need any hats, but i HAD to have one... i just wanted one she liked. I searched, and searched but i could not find one she wouldn't make some sort of comment on. Then i saw a Tlley on someone's head while at Hershey Park and i knew that would be my last "had to have" hat. I hate to say this... but i didn't buy it until my beloved went into the hospital for her gallbladder that i called Tilley's up and ordered my hat. It's been over two years now... and she still makes the occasional comment, but i tell her, "oh, that hat plays". In the end, she knows that it is not going to go away, and i have not bought a new hat since. Tilley has an excellent customer satisfaction policy, and they make a quality product. I recently thought i lost my hat, and i searched for it for a few weeks. Finally i call Tilley's back up and it was within the 2 year 'lost warranty'. I was able to replace my hat for 50% off the listed price. Then i found my hat... so i sold it to a friend for the price i bought it for. However, if there are ever any manufacturer defects - EVER - they replace it for free. This hat is light, keeps the sun out of my eyes, keeps the rain off of my glasses, it is water resistant, it breaths to help me keep the head cool in summer and just enough in to keep it warm in winter. I wear this hat practically everywhere, i REALLY like this hat.

I finally made the "pilgrimage" to the lair of the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium. A friend of the wife of an old Army buddy lives in Charlotte and are PSL owners with season tickets. The game was on Christmas Eve, and they were going out of town to spend time with family during the holidays. Having never seen a live game there, i jumped at the chance. Originally it was just going to be me and a friend but he wisely decided not to go when his wife said, "your choice" hahaha. In the end i took my whole family on a mini-vacation. It was over a 7 hour trip each way. We drove down on Thursday night (arriving at 0300... ouch), and i then went to the stadium to take an all too brief tour. That afternoon we relaxed at the pool and then went to a dinner featured in Guy Fieri's show, 'Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives". The food was pretty good, but the desserts were fantastic! Saturday DS1 and i went to the game. Now, let me say, i prefer to watch the game on TV. I like the commentary, i enjoy the replays and i really enjoy being able to see the plays "closer up", but there is something to be said for going to the occasional game to be seen live. The crowd, the food (even though a second mortgage is often needed just for lunch), the sites and sounds. I won't use the word magical, but it is a little special. The game was very enjoyable, especially for a Panthers fan - they won 48-16, i was able to see Cam Newton break Payton Manning's Rookie season passing record (on a 7 yard out to Brandon LaFell), the franchise record for a passing TD from scrimmage (91 yards, also to LaFell), and a 49 yard run for a TD where Cam Newton pulled a defender the last 8 yards. It was a good day all around. After we then made the trek home on Christmas Day. I had a great time.

I read a really good article in the NY Times online recently. I originally read it via The Autism Society of America on Facebook. It was titled Navigating Love and Autism (1). I have been married for over 19 years now, to an incredible woman. Like any marriage she drives me nuts at times, but i also know that i have no clue as to what i would do if she was not in my life on a daily basis. It was not until DS2 was diagnosed with Asperger's, and all that my beloved did to better his life and learn about what would be best for him, that she got a better glimpse into her husband. It took me a little longer. This article was good for me, to see - at least a little bit - what she goes through when she interacts with me. I try and change. I try and do things the "normal" way... and yet it is a constant struggle. I have to consciously think about offering someone a drink when then come to my home, to look people in the eye when talking to them, to not interrupt someone to make a correction or to change the subject off of something i don't find interesting - or to even just "make conversation", to ask questions in a conversation and many, many more things. It was a good article because it challenged me to look outside of myself. Something my beloved helps me with every day. But i was also discouraged by it. I just don't "get" so many things. Despite my best efforts i get flabbergasted at being asked a question. She will often ask me, "what do you mean"? Despite my best efforts... i cannot fathom what i meant beyond what i actually said. I fail her in so many ways... i fail to show her comfort, to consider her feelings (or the feelings of others), and so many other ways... it actually bothers me. For thirty plus years i was the normal one... everyone else was wrong. Then... i learned... i was the "odd" one. I was the one that the Sesame Street Characters sung about way back when.

There are still times when i feel like, "why don't 'you' people get it!?! It is so obvious!" In any event... i encourage those who want some insight into the Autistic world, this is a very good article.

(1) By AMY HARMON, Published: December 26, 2011

I just cannot keep myself on track!

2011-11-21T19:00:00.006-05:00

It was a simple challenge. One that should easily be successful. One hundred words a day. I type a hundred words in some of the e-mails i send everyday. School essay questions are harder, and longer! And yet... have i been successful in even one day of this challenge?!? Nope! So far, this has been 57 words! Can a hobby really be called a hobby when one does not spend anytime pursuing it? Then again, time is a precious commodity around the samurai's Minka. All three of the children are active in a variety of activities and we do our best to encourage them in such, but at the same time when the schedule gets tight my beloved and i often basically disappoint someone. There are, and have to be, limits. It's just not possible to be everywhere and to do everything.

Yesterday i saw a quick clip of a comedian coming to town. As a part of his gig he plays the guitar. I am a sucker for pretty much any musical instrument when it is played by a master, and this guys was really good. Well, at least in my opinion. The guy is Mike Rayburn. For as long as i can remember i have been captivated my music. Not just any kind of music though. I do not captivate myself when i try and play notes on a flute or keyboard - because i am just not even an OK musician. But the likes of Phil Keaggy (guitarist), Ian Anderson (flutist), Rex Lewis (Piano), whoever - have been able to rivet me to my seat. I do not profess to be some kind of music expert, i cannot tell you if so-and-so's technique is flawless or their execution is sublime, but i do know that when the instrument is wielded well and i can get lost in the moment. I prefer instrumental pieces, be it the harpsichord, violin, piano or guitar, but vocal pieces like the Opera piece (i know it from 'The Fifth Element") also mesmerize me. I cannot explain it, but the verse from Philippians 4:8 comes to mind, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." This verse comes in the context of meditating on the things of God ("...guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - previous verse, and "What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things..." the next verse. ALWAYS read scripture references within the surrounding context.), but i truly believe music is one of the most amazing gifts from God. It gives to expression to wordless parts of our souls. If God has given you a talent within the "arts", be it music or paint or words, i wholeheartedly encourage you to pursue it to the glory of God.

November is often a time when a lot of my friends post things they are thankful each day. I often fail to post something everyday... and i am a little concerned that others may think that i am not grateful... but the truth is that i am often giving thanks to God throughout the day and i think... that in my mind, i say... i've already done that. However... that does not mean we can't put something out there to share with others things we are thankful for either. I'd like to think that i do not care what other people think of me... but the truth is i often care way too much. I love to pray... and i have been told that i am quite "good at it", but then... all i could do was question... am i truly praying for the person... or am i praying for some kind of personal recognition. The end result... is that i do not pray all that often in public... not unless i can somehow screen my real name/identity. I am not sure if that is God glorifying or not... 8(

Well, this post has taken way too long to get rounded out... so... i am going to post it now... and start beginning the next one in bullet form.

Writer's block and other ramblings

2011-10-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

What a whirlwind couple of weeks. I started a new position at work, which requires some upfront commuting into the city. Something i am NOT used to. It has really thrown my little corner of the world into quite a whirlwind. I am reorienting myself regarding morning wake up time, Rx and vitamins (remembering to take them), keeping track of kids homework, finding time for my beloved and i to get out on a date, and all of the other routines i used to have fairly down pat.

I am loving my new job, even though i am still in the learning curve phase. My only regret is i have been wanting to get some more writing done. Let's be honest... i was not writing all that much before the new job. I had been in a writing rut for quite a few months. Part of it was due to wanting to wait until Path of the Seer by Gav Thorpe to be released. I wanted more if his insight into the Eldar of the Warhammer 40,000 world. But lately i have actually been having pretty good ideas... well, at least in my opinion. I've not even written down my notes. Mostly because i've been pretty tired lately and it clouds my memory so i will forget what i wanted to write down, or to even write at all.

Well, a friend set a goal for herself... 100 words a day. It can be an averaged, but she encouraged me to say just to use it as a goal per day, and allow myself the grace to excuse myself when i miss the goal. Sounds like a plan.

Moving at the speed of life

2011-10-12T02:23:00.000-05:00

I once heard a slogan that said, "Moving at the speed of life". For the life of me i cannot remember what the product or service was that it was for now... and i am too tired to try and research it (sorry anxious reader). But the saying is a 'truism'. Life never stops, it never even slows down. From my perspective it only seems to get faster and faster. This is the time of my children's lives i should be most enjoying. Soaking it all in. But it is neigh impossible. It feels like i can barely catch my own breath. I get up, sometimes i help get lunches made and make sure they are on the bus off to school, then i go to work, i get home i play taxi driver to/from practices, when my beloved is working i will whip up something for dinner (over baked BBQ chicken is a recent hit), then i try and check homework (which i think i am failing at because DD3 is struggling silently in math and social studies), try and make sure they wash behind their ears and then shew the youngsters off to bed, and then climb in between the sheets myself, only to repeat the next day. Weekends are not much better. Replace work with chores and/or running to/from games and church on Sundays. I love my kids, and i try and make a priority of spending time with them... but it all just seems to blur by so fast. I don't want to blink and have an empty house. But life never slows down. To quote Mr. Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." The trick is... getting yourself stopped long enough to get that look in. I wish i could slow down those moments like the Ba'ku in the movie Star trek: Insurrection. I think that is why the Psalmist says, "Be still and know I am God." (Psalm 46:10, ESV) (Note: it is always important to read verses in context of the surrounding verses - too often verses are taken out of context to mean something other than they were intended for - in this case the passages are talking about taking the time to contemplate all of the things God has done.)

Speaking of moving at the speed of life... i recently started a new job. It happened incredibly fast. I was approached, sort of off to the side, where i was asking how happy i was with my (now previous) employer. The question caught me so off guard that i asked him what he meant. When he clarified i say, i'm pretty happy with the people i work with, but the corporate environment and mentality of the company as a whole - i was pretty disillusioned. I was encouraged to inquire with an incoming company regarding some new positions. Not knowing what to expect i sent off an e-mail to the points of contact i had been given. That day i received an e-mail and a phone call from one of the POC's saying he was forwarding my request to what i refer to as a "head hunter" (HH) - sort of a person who weeds through potentials and does a lot of the preliminary leg work so that companies don't have to "waste" as much time sorting through the piles of applicants and can focus on the smaller group of "potentials". The next day i received a phone call from the HH, but i did not get the message until after work as we were literally moving offices across town. The next day i call the HH back and he asks me a few questions, then asks if i mind f he bridges on two or three others - i am interviewed right then! Technical questions, etc. I was caught off guard again and felt pretty unprepared, but i felt like i did OK. Later that night i get a call from the company's Human Resources person. She asked me a few more questions and talked to me about the position they wanted to hire me for. I was blown away, not just because the speed at which things were moving, but it was also a different position than i was led to believe i was applying for - which was fine, because it was a position i had pined for, for about two years. The only downside... the group was based out of downtown Washington DC. I hesitatingly mentioned that i could not do that kind of commute day in and day out; however, if i could work at the 'remote' office and only make the trip downtown a few times a month (after a train up period) i would accept. The next day (a grand total of three business days) i was offered, and i accepted the position. I am still amazed how it all happened, but this has been how God has moved regarding my entire career.

When i first got into my career it was because i was having trouble getting started in college (long story) and i was delivering pizzas at the time. My beloved was starting her career having just graduated college (i proposed to her on her graduation day). I was just looking to get a better paying job until i could start school full time. I came in a entry level and they taught me the skills i needed. I moved up, and then when my beloved became pregnant with DS1 i borrowed some money from the in-laws and went to a 6 month trade school at night. When i finished that i sent out exactly one resume and was hired. Again, they taught me the skills i needed specific to the job, and there were a lot of eager mentors to show me the ropes and i moved up with that company as well. Quickly moving from the desk, to shift lead, and then to a change control group. Each step of the way i found people willing to teach me. Then 9/11 hit, i was deployed for 13 months and when i came back i was given a hard choice. In the end it was not really all that hard - after being away from the family for that year my position was moved to the swing shift. I was going to miss seeing the family during the week. But then, an opportunity came along to jump to a new group, one that was on site with the customer - but... it was a 2 pay grade reduction, and counting the shift differential i lost out on... a 20 percent cut in pay. Since then i have slowly risen to new positions. I was once asked how i got the job i had and how they could get one similar. I answered the guy, it's not possible to do it the way i did it (i still explained how it all went down and the path i had taken)... but looking back... it should not be possible. God has been incredibly generous to this High School dropout. I have a position that i can provide for my family of 5 on my single income... pretty much unheard of in this day and age.

No matter how fast life is... take the time to give thanks and look around. Marvel at all that God has done, and is doing. We only come this way once... find a way to be like the Ba'ku, and slow down time to enjoy the experience. I say this to myself as much as anyone.

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL!!! and other ramblins

2011-10-06T11:03:00.001-05:00

After a miserable 2-14 season by the Carolina Panthers, i will not allow my hopes to get all that high in regards to the 2011 NFL season. I was not one of the fans or media types all hyped about Cam Newton starting week 1 against the Arizona Cardinals, but i have to admit, i was impressed with his performance the past four weekends. Still, one game - one season - does not make it to the Hall of Fame. Still, if the Panthers can keep him healthy, and the coaches keep up good game plans and adapt... there very well could be an exciting future for the Panthers. I have this year's schedule at my work area and i publicly listed my hopes for this season. I am predicting 4-12, i will be happy with 6-10, amazed with 8-8 , and ecstatically happy with a 9-7 or better season. Here is to hope, which springs eternal.

Speaking of the Panthers, my all time favorite player for the Panthers, John Kasay, signed a deal with the New Orleans Saints to fill in for their injured place kicker. This has in no way diminished my opinions of this man as a Carolina Panther player. The Panthers made a business decision when they released him, and Kasay made a business decision to continue to support his family through a talent that God has provided him with. I still hope to make the trip should the Panthers do the right thing and honor him. It is unlikely that the Saints will keep him once their regular kicker is healthy again, so... I will not be burning my John Kasay jersey anytime soon. Not like i wanted to do to any Julius Peppers jersey i saw.

Ok - any seasoned listener of Pandora probably already knows about this but the other day i accidentally clicked the "Quick Mix" channel. It mixes all of your channels together randomly! How awesome is that! LOL I really like that it moves through the various genres and plays a selection and then moves on. Really cool. I am enjoying this mostly while i am out exercising. Which reminds me... i like both RunKeeper and CardioTrainer as apps on my Android phone. RunKeeper has the edge for me with an elevation tracker as well. In all, i've lost about 6 pounds since starting to exercise at the beginning of summer with a few "set backs" in regards to aches and pains, but so far i've been keeping up with at least 3 times a week of getting out for an hour or more each time.

Have you ever had a song just bust out in your head? Meaning, you see/hear/smell/read/whatever something and some song just pops into your mind? It happens to me a lot, and it's weird. And it can drive some people crazy because i like to sing and/or whistle whatever the song is. I once asked a musically gifted friend if she thought we would learn how to play musical instruments in heaven, and she said that she believed i would get that chance. \o/ I just lack the time and discipline to do it (so far) on this side of heaven.

I've been struggling to write lately. I go round and round about what to write but then nothing. One stumbling block is my ability to access my older, unpublished, work and then edit or add to it. I have a plethora of little notebooks lying around. The intent was to add notes about a story line or character now and again and then access it when i am ready to put finger to keyboard. But now... all my thoughts are jumbled and hard to pick up any one thread. A friend once suggested to just set a goal for 100 words a day. I am going to give that a try. 8) Fortunately blogging counts, so this has given me a start for this month.

MouseHunt blogging and running Eldar

2011-08-25T19:00:00.002-05:00

In the signature of my personal e-mail i have a link to my blog here. It's to shamelessly plug my blog among my friends... and yet, ironically, i have no consistent readers among the friends i have in real life (vs. just facebook, or whatever). Well, sometimes my work entails working by phone and it is often hard to get concepts across, especially as i think visually (i.e. in pictures) and then i have to translate them into words... which does not always convey what i am "seeing" very well (especially for a guy flunked English - a LOT). The other day i had to exchange (quite) a few e-mails via my awesome HTC EVO. Well, for a variety of reasons my phone is not synchronized to use my work e-mail account so we tread carefully and we used my personal account to banter back and forth and resolved the issue we were working on. About an hour later my coworker sent me a text message saying how much he liked the blog - mostly the information links pertaining to Autism in general, and Aspergers in particular. I am not sure why, but i was embarrassed. Now, this blog gets posted to my Facebook profile and i have at sometime or another told all of my friends about it, so i make it a point to be careful what i post, to not post anything that i would not want to be public knowledge... so why should i be embarrassed by this blog? I am actually pretty proud of it.

My all time favorite Facebook game, MouseHunt continues to improve itself. In addition to a recent Baron area (a fairly high level) called the Sandtail Desert Region, the developers of this game have expanded upon the Chess themed area i love so much called the Crystal Library. Love this new area. One has to perform "research" in order to accomplish the needed tasks in order to eventually make an entirely new trap for a new adversary. In many ways it is similar to the Dragon Mouse. You have to fashion a special trap for the one mouse! However, there is also a brand new trap - that looks like a new Shadow type trap... pretty cool. Still enjoying this game after playing it for 18 months now... and for me... that is saying something.

My writing has been sporadic at best of late. Just too many other things in life to distract me. I still enjoy it, and it is a relaxing way to dream (so to speak) and i can start/stop without having to get out a bunch of materials, setting it all up, and then having to tear it all down again and put it away when i am finished. Even the actually sitting down to type/write is not all that involved. Recently Gav Thorpe wrote out a pretty detailed process of how he wrote one of his Elf novel trilogies. That really made me realize that i will most likely, barring the sky splitting open to tell me that this is what God wants me to do, never be a published writer. I am ok with that. This is just a hobby, one to be enjoyed. If it becomes a struggle... then it will no longer be a hobby, but work. In any event, i am not sure how long my Eldar Ranger story line will be shelved, but it may be until the last novel in the Eldar trilogy is released sometime next Summer/Fall. The 2nd one of the series, Path of the Seer, is due to be out any day now. Looking forward to this one, but not as much as the last one in the series titled, Path of the Outcast. My recent attempts are still forming, but i will share them on my short story blog when i am ready.

One thing my depression has done, it affected my desire to take care of myself. Not in selfish ways (although the semi-intentional self neglect could be classified as selfish), but in ways like watching what and how much i eat, and exercising. I have always loved running. For as long as i can remember i have loved it. From the time my dad "dragged" me, my brother and my step mother out to the park in New York City to go running with him (i don't remember if i complained back then, but my memories of it now are all good), up through High School when i up and joined the Cross Country team (our 1st day of practice - 12 miles "warm up" 8 sets of hills, 8 wind sprints, then a 3 mile "cool down"), through my time in the Guard. When i am in shape... i love the sensation of running. I enjoy the "burn", i enjoy the personal challenge, the "mind over matter", i enjoy being alone in thought to pray or dream or just - not. LOL. But, i have let myself go over time. Later on in my military service i stopped running all the time and would only get in shape to pass the APFT. Well, since retiring in July of '08 i've not done ANY serious running. As a result i added another 15 pounds to the frame (which was already 30 pounds over weight if you ask the doctors) and i started to develop problems with the knees. About four months ago i was talked into trying out a pair of "minimalist" shoes for work. Long story short, my knee ached less and gave me a lot less trouble using the stairs. In June, i finally got the nerve to try and start running again and began the "Couch to 5k" (c25k) program. It got off to a rocky start. I developed discomfort in both knees and my right ankle. Some of this was due to the "minimalist" style, and part of it is due to my being over weight and inactivity. Well, i dialed it down some and began to just walk (in running it is almost NEVER a good idea to just run through the pain). Once i was able to maintain a 4mph walking pace with no linger pain or needing to take a day or more off, i started the jogging back up. Yesterday was the first day back to jogging and i am pretty psyched. it's hard to keep the enthusiasm in check so that i don't injure myself and keep on track. I am down 5 pounds since starting. Who knows... if this works, and i can sustain it over time... maybe i can get off of the Celexa. But if not... i am ok with that too.

A sad time for me as a Carolina Panthers fan - and the usual ramblings

2011-08-11T21:00:00.000-05:00

It finally happened... the Carolina Panthers released John Kasay, my all time favorite player for the Panthers. I am at the age now where i am really noticing these kinds of things. Football player careers are short, and a 16 year stint with the Panthers is very long time in the world of the NFL.And yet... i am very sad that this day has come for John Kasay. When i asked for a Carolina Panthers jersey, i was specific that i wanted the number 4, with John Kasay's name on the back. The man is simply a class act. Scott Fowler at the Charlotte Observer has done a couple of really nice articles, but i will add my agreement with his sentiments here. John Kasay was pretty consistent. With the exception of the year he tore his ACL (while making a tackle on a kick return no less), he was almost automatic. Whenever he made a game winning field goal he always deflected the praise to his teammates for getting him in the position to kick the score, and when he missed - and especially after the bad kickoff in the SB against the Patriots he always took it upon himself, that he was the one who let his teammates down. At the end of the day it is a team sport, and it always is a team effort. But John Kasay left his mark outside the locker room as well, being a vital part of his community, and never shied away from his faith in Christ. He will be missed, and by more than just myself. I hope the Panthers add him to their "Hall of Honor". I would love to make a trip down to the game when they do this - or even just for the ceremony if they do it in the off season. I wish more professional athletes were as humble and upright as John Kasay.

With that segue, sort of, in additional to Caleb Campbell being on the Detroit Lions roster, the Lions have invited Collen Mooney to camp. Caleb Campbell is #53 and a Linebacker. He played safety for Army "in the day", but was moved up to be a speedy linebacker. Last year Caleb spent most of his time on the practice squad, but did make it up to the #53 man roster a time or two. Collin Mooney was a Fullback for Army and currently has the single season rushing record for them. The Lions had 2 Fullbacks on the roster, but only ever suited one - one article i said that the Lions may try and see how he does as a "Power" Running back. While i am still not sure of either man's chances of making the final 53 man roster, or even the practice squads this year, i am still very glad to see West Point being represented in the NFL. It doesn't hurt that both of them a Artillerymen either. So... i will be watching both men, and if they both make the roster... i just might have to get some kind of Lions paraphernalia. Go ARMY!

I am going to make it official... i am aligning myself with the American National Tea Party. I have grown to despise the cross-aisle finger pointing and bickering. I am tired of the laws of the land not applying to those who are supposed to "represent" us. I am tired of the very people that are supposed to express the point of view of their constituency not "getting it", and i am especially tired of this nation getting deeper and deeper into debt every year. There are some exceptions, and i am not pointing the finger at either of the two main political parties. Over 11% of the annual budget is interest. Just interest, not principle of the load, just the interest. I have heard it put this way:

"If the US Government was a family, they would be making $58,000 a year, they spend $75,000 a year, and are $327,000 in credit card debt. They are currently proposing BIG spending cuts to reduce their spending to $72,000 a year. These are the actual proportions of the federal budget and debt, reduced to a level that we can understand." ~ Dave Ramsey

It is just not sustainable. If i ran my house this way, i would be in bankruptcy and out on the street. Those who represent us need to grow a set of _____ and put on their big girl panties and make some really hard decisions. They need to tread carefully of course, but their eyes shouldn't wander to places like Social Security, Medicare, or the retirement "entitlement" those who have retired after 20+ years of service to this country. Those programs are people - generally - from the lower income brackets who have put their time in, who have busted their tails all their lives. There are plenty of other areas that could be scrutinized and pinched. No plan is going to make everyone happy, and every plan is going to make somebody mad, but this country is heading down into a hole that is inescapable if we are not careful. And before anyone goes off spouting that the Tea Party is a bunch of bigots, do some research to see just who makes up the rank and file of this political party's supporters. I think our country is past due for a couple of more political parties with influence beyond the Democrats and the Republicans. Checks and balances. Since the Tea Party is predominantly conservative, i feel that a subset of the Democratic liberal would be apropos.

Writer's block, and how to get known

2011-07-20T19:00:00.006-05:00

Ok, before anyone accuses me of a bait and switch, the title reflects the contents of this blog, and while it is catchy, the two topics are not directly related. It is my quirky randomness that drew the two subjects together and thus created the Title for this blog post. Sorry if it misled anyone.

Writer's block. Anyone who has ever had a deadline for an essay in High School knows what this is. It sucks, even when you are not a writer by profession. I know of a few strategies to get past it. Go back and rewrite the last sentence/paragraph/page. Just free write until something comes to you. Start a new thread until you complete the assignment or something new comes to you. The second one works best for me, but there are times when nothing seems to work except stepping away for a time and coming back later. Sometimes months or even a year. I got to a point in my on going story series that i just couldn't seem to move forward with it. I backed up, i approached it from various angles... but i am stuck. I've even considered re-writing some of it. Such are the perils of not having a start to finish outline i believe. I outlined some, but since it was an on-going deal i only went so far, and then out paced my outline with the writing. So... i am going to take a(n as yet determined) brief break from that storyline. Almost immediately i had another story line concept that i am interested in pursuing. This one not in the Necromunda setting. It is still in a gaming system though, because i lack sufficient creativity to create my own 'universe'. This one will take place within Steve Jackson Games universe of Car Wars. Yet another not mainstream game - even by table top war gaming standards. I will see if i can get some short stories off the ground this way. Mostly, because i just like to write, and i am just not a touchy-feely kind of writer. I like to write about people that have to eek out an existence out of pretty hostile situations. As usual the main protagonist(s) will not be some well off, silver spoon fed, aristocrat. They will be an everyman type deal, and their trials and accomplishments. I have one character outlined in my head, but i am awaiting some feedback from a friend on the second one. We shall see.

Sometime back, if you've actually been reading this blog long enough, you may remember my concern with the following verses:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness." (Matthew 7:21-23, ESV)

It concerns me because it clearly shows people who were doing things in the name of Christ, and yet the Lord Himself say, "I never knew you"! How can one who proclaims themselves a Christian, a follower of Christ, not have at least some concern over this statement?!? My concern does not come because i think the Lord is some kind of vindictive despot. It is because i know He is a just God.

The Lord descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord. The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Exodus 34: 5-7, ESV)

And the Lord being just is perfectly within His right to dismiss the very people that did all of those things in His name, and yet they are turned from the Throne because He never knew them. This had me meditating. I know we are NOT saved by works. We can never do enough good things to overcome the debt we have incurred, and that we produce good works - not to obtain righteousness, or God's favor - but because of what He has already accomplished by Christ's work. The concept of grace is not what concerned me... but the walk through life with the firm belief in those works are evidence of the grace, evidence of my heart change, but then when it comes to stand before the Judgment seat and hear those terrible words. Then, yesterday the Lord showed me a verse within His word that gave me comfort:

Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God. (1 Corinthians 8:1-3, ESV)

I can see how this can be a round robin train of thought. If you love God, you will do what He says, but we cannot do what He says without His provision, and because, of His grace, but how do we receive this grace unless we love Him? In the end i find myself praying for His grace to love Him more, so that i may do the things He commands. In the end it is but for me to love, to serve, to pursue Him, and all my effort and strength is provided by and through my Lord Jesus Christ.

Musical Monday - 20110704

2011-07-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

Another thing i miss because of my own not posting blogs of late... Music Monday. This has been a song that recently has really grabbed my attention and brought forth meditations of God. To think that God would condescend and become flesh. To leave His glory, to leave heaven, to walk among man. He then proclaimed the word of God, and when He had accomplished all that He had come to do, He ascended back to his home. Because of this all those who come to receive Him and believe, will then get to share His home when our time here on earth is complete. What an incredible thing to think upon.

Glorious Day
Casting Crowns

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

Oh, glorious day

From the notes and the group and song writers: The hymn "One Day" was a big hymn for me growing up. All I knew was hymns until probably 21 or 22 years old; that’s what we had in our church. The chorus: "Living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away," that has just been a part of me from the start. As a youth pastor, you want your students to hear the theology of the hymns and sometimes you have to play it a little different way.

Something borrowed - and my own ramblings mixed in

2011-07-12T19:00:00.002-05:00

I read this over at a friend's blog and thought it was pretty cool.

The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem
almost too much to handle,
when 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
remember the mayonnaise jar
and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large
and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students
if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and
poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open
areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again
if the jar was full..
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous
“Yes.”

The professor then produced
two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents
into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor,
as the laughter subsided,
“I want you to recognize that this jar represents
your LIFE”
“The golf balls are the important things -
God, family, children, health,
friends, and favorite passions –
things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained,
your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else –
the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first,”
he continued,
“there is no room for
the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time
and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for
the things that are
important to you.
So…

Pay attention to the things
that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time
to clean the house
and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first –
the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
“I’m glad you asked”.
“It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may
seem, there’s always room for
a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

I apologize for the infrequency of writing of late. Life feels like it has been crazy since i started my anti-depressant meds. Don't get me wrong, they are working wonders for me. It's just that my writing endeavors have been focused elsewhere of late. I write/read e-mails all day. I write ticket notes. I write problem summaries. I even get a chance to write some more of my stories from time to time. Then, when it comes time to blog... i feel like i am completely unsure of what to write about. I have been doing the jot notes and save them deal... but i have not been coming back to flesh out the notes as often. I am going to be trying to post at least one blog entry a week going forward. Give myself a goal to shoot for. 8) Anyway, for now... more rambling...

I had drifted away from collecting Pieces of Flair over on facebook, but i need to expand my MouseHunt flair some, and i created a few more pieces myself. Besides, i really like using the images for spicing up my blog entries. ;-) So, time to spend some of my Flair credits.... 8)

Recently a really good morning radio show went off the air. I really liked this trio, but alas the main guy took a job out in Northern California. Fortunately one can catch things on the Internet. LOL It was the Mornings with Brant radio show. I am especially going to miss their Monday Morning song, "I Saw the Light" as performed by The David Crowder Band:

It always brought a smile to my face. I am not a fan of change, but i know that if there is one thing in certain in life, it's change.

Sometime ago, i had received an invitation - and please pardon me for not researching back through my blog to dig it up - to join a group that had strong disagreements with Sovereign Grace Ministries and its leaders. With some trepidation i explored their site, and while i had a very hard time imagining the grievances i found there, i was also willing to admit that there are no perfect churches and it might be possible. However, since i did not experience the situations first hand, nor did i know the people presenting them, i decided that i would not be joining them as SGM has richly blessed me, and as a result many others who i interact with - even on a daily basis. So, with my continued support of SGM it grieved me to learn that C.J. Mahaney would be taking a leave of absence from his position as head of SGM. This was due to several serious "charges" being made against him - you can read it more thoroughly on his blog: CJ's View from the Cheap Seats. While i am disappointed, and grieved about these events (mostly due to my own pride) i am also encouraged by the steps being taken. CJ is not without sin here, as is plain to read in his own words (as even more elaborately stated in his comments to his home church), and this has been occurring over a decade long period. To read about his reconciliation with Larry Tomczak is especially heartening. I do not know how it will all play out, but i do know that if more leaders would take the steps CJ has finally realized he needed to, the church of Christ would be a whole lot stronger today.

I know i am but what are you?

2011-06-14T18:00:00.007-05:00

It has been a really, really, REALLY long time since i last blogged. Life has just sort of shifted gears and my free time is even more limited than usual... not sure how frequent i will be able to post in the near future, but i wanted to post something to say that i have not completely given up on this little endeavor. If there are any return readers out there... thank you for your patience.

Ok, this is sort of an impromptu meme. The problem is... i do not really have a whole lot of questions to ask... or maybe it would be more accurate to say, i am not sure how to form them into good questions... which i think is the true appeal of meme's but.... anyway... if you participate please place a comment here for myself and others to see what you have to say about yourself, and feel free to tag up to five of your friends.

So here is the catch. You have to pick twelve (12) words that describe you. You can do it in less if you get stuck, but no more. Also, single words only, but then you have to take a few sentences to describe how/why it applies to you because what is red to one person is maroon to another. Ok, here are mine.....

Christian - I am first and foremost a person who believes in, and follows Jesus Christ. I am not always a good disciple, i am not always perfect... but in the end it is by His grace, by His life, by His death and His resurrection that i have placed my faith. We all believe in something that is at the center of who we are, that guides our thoughts/emotions/actions, and for me it is Christ.

Samurai - I know, this one is probably a complete shock to you reader, but i hope that this is a word that does indeed describe me. I have, from time to time, outlined my thoughts on the matter. You will find them in the side bar to the right here. The word samurai is derived from the Japanese verb saburau, meaning “to serve"

Sergeant - When anyone enlists in the military your first line supervisor is always an NCO - a Non Commissioned Officer. In the Army that is the Sergeant. Within the ranks officers come and go, they are usually not involved in the day to day interactions with the 'privates/airmen/seaman'. The one to whom they look up to for direction, for support is their NCO's first. My first enlistment was the shortest possible stint i could get, but i remember thinking how great it would be, to be a Sergeant. Somehow, this High School drop out and kid who could not keep a job for more than three months at a time, managed to be promoted to Sergeant just before the end of his first enlistment. That turned my life around and i re-enlisted for six more years. I never expected it to last twenety two. The word sergeant from Old French sergent, from Latin serviēns, literally: serving, from servīre to serve. Over time my Beloved will ask if i am going to lay down my jacket for someone to cross a street or if we have another name for the Christmas card list. I am most at peace in my walk with Christ when i am serving someone, or something or group in the church.

Fundamental - In some social circles this is considered a bad thing. I consider myself a "Fundamentalist" because i believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ - i believe that before the world was formed Christ was and He choose to lay that down and become man. I believe in the inerrancy of scripture - across all available sources of text there is a greater than 95% agreement, better than the works of Plato or even Shakespeare, and that while the translations are not always linear between the modern English translations, they all use the same "baseline" (if you will). That is why it is important to understand (in my opinion) the translation philosophy of the Bible one reads. I believe that Christ was born of a virgin - and her name was Mary. I believe that Christ's death on the cross was a propitiation, or payment in full, for my sins past, present, and future. I also believe that He then rose from the dead on the third day and thus defeating death. I believe in the miracles of Christ - I believe he fed the 5,000 and walked on water and healed the Centurion's servant and raised Lazarus from the dead. I believe that Christ will someday return to the earth the same way (but in reverse obviously) he ascended.

Pentecostal - I believe my life is transformed by the Holy Spirit. That i am not the same person i was before the day i accepted Christ into my heart and life, and although i continue to struggle with sin in my life, the Holy Spirit is here with me to help me continue to walk out my ongoing sanctification. I believe that the Bible is the definitive source of authority in my life concerning my faith.

Reformed - This word does not always bring about a good mental image either. I feel this describes me because i see it as how we should walk out our faith is akin to the early church. We need to live out our "church experience" as a dedicated body of believers, committed to the local church - whether that is the group of believers that meet at the church building on corner, or few families that meet in a basement of a house. We need to live lives that are intertwined with other believers where we can speak into each others lives and help share one another's burdens. I also do not believe that traditions can ever form a basis for my belief, instead the "Word of God" (aka The Bible) is my ultimate source.

Charismatic - This was a popular group of Christians in the mid to late 80's, but they kind of lost their 'edge' as more and more people came into the 'fold' but never took it beyond the superficial. I believe that my relationship with God can be experienced in my response to His Word. My emotions can be a valid part (but not THE only part, and they can be manipulated or deceived) of my experience in the worship of Christ. I also believe that the gifts of the Spirit are for today. I acknowledge my agreement with these statements with the following caveat: It must be tested by the Word of God. Finite man can't possibly be the final authority in regards to the relationship with the Infinite. Even though we know our experiences better than any other our flesh is corrupted and we can feign an outward appearance in order to deceive the world... and a lie told often enough will eventually be believed by the liar. The same can be said of the gifts of the Spirit. I think this "label" is the most often rejected by others because it is so easily abused and misused. But how can my emotions not be affected as God reveals His glories to me? How cannot i despair and fear when i see the depravity of my soul without Christ? As for the gifts of the Spirit how can one deny the healing of the sick, or "words of wisdom" spoken by an unknowing commenter that say just the right thing at the right time? But, do not allow these things to be the final authority in your life.

Hedonist - because i feel that the ultimate goal of my life is to glorify Christ. For me John Piper is my hero in this regard. As a human being it is only natural to desire to seek out what is best for me. To seek out things for my best interest. I want comfort, peace, security. I want prosperity and i want what is best for me! As a Christian gets to know Christ you slowly begin to realize that all of these things are ultimately found in Him! If we live our lives for Christ he provides us with everything that is indeed best for us! Therefore it can be said that by dying to ourselves we live in Christ. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. He is our joy, our peace, our security, our prosperity (if you will). The best thing for us, the thing that is in our best interest, is to be found in Him.

Eldar or Elf - For me, the romantic view of the Tolkien Elf is pretty cool. and maybe this is just a 'wishful misplaced longing', but the Elves of Tolkien's vision are good. They seek to protect and to learn. They engage themselves in the learning of things and the various dimensions and aspects of what they endeavor to learn. It is a similar sentiment heard in the movie 'The Last Samurai', (as spoken by Algren, the self appointed Western Historian), "They are an intriguing people. From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seem such discipline." There are so many things (music, writing, history, wood working to name a few) i long to pursue, but our life upon this Earth is way too short. Sometimes, i think the pursuit of such things can also be a distraction - when they are pursued for selfish reasons, or for the knowledge of whatever in and of itself. Ultimately i desire, and i truly hope this is a pure desire, to pursue them for the glory of God. After all, i (all humans) were made in His image, to include desires of His pursuits (which ultimately is the proclamation of His glory and Holiness). I do not know how we will be praising God through the ages in Heaven, but there is a small part of me that hopes it will be in similar endeavors. I am sure that no matter what/how... i will be ok with it though. I love that the original English meaning is a Hebrew first/last name meaning "God resides. For me that kind of bundles it up nicely.

Nerd/Geek - an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit - n. an earnest student; a hardworking student. (Usually objectionable.) - To be honest, i do tend to be single minded and my tastes do not follow the 'norm'. Take the game Necromunda, or the music i like - Celtic Folk music. I do not recall a single time that being "normal" ever really mattered to me.

Redleg - Ok, this is NOT in regards to a term to refer to 'poor white people' in the Caribbean. For me the definition is "Redleg", a US slang terms for artillery personnel. The "redleg" term in the U.S. military comes from the red stripe down the trouser seam of the dress uniforms of US Army artillery types. The best years of my military career was as a "Redleg".

Panther - Ok, i was desperate to round out the 12th word... i saw a "Blog Thing" question deal. Where you answer questions and they tell you what color you are, or what kind of girl you should marry or something that silly. Well, this one was in regards to "Big Cats". So i did it and it came back as "Panther" - LOL, "You are unemotional and downright stoic. It's hard to ruffle your feathers. You have an amazing depth to you. You have layers upon layers that no one else has seen. You are confident about your place in the world, and you've happily carved out your own niche. You live primarily inside your own mind. You happily spend a lot of time thinking."

Overdue Ramblings

2011-04-13T18:00:00.001-05:00

Wow, i cannot remember the last time i blogged... and i am too lazy to go back and find out while typing this one up so... i am just going to go with it. This one may be long in the tooth as i have several notes i dropped into an unpublished blog entry - which is not being converted into one i am going to (actually) publish. So let us begin, shall we.

Some time back i mentioned that i was going to do a "Dragon Hunt" in my favorite Facebook game, MouseHunt. Wow, it was a miserable failure! LOL - i had 50 pieces of bait, i attracted the beast 14 times, and caught it exactly 0 (zero) times! That's right, none, nil, nada, zilch, diddly squat! LOL God is an awesome God. He has a perfect way to ensure i do not get so full of myself that i lose sight of more important things. Even when i jest, whenever i boast or talk smack, i get my tucas handed to me. In this case i was 'boasting' how i was going to do so well with a fellow MouseHunter that is much more experienced than i. This has been true since... well, High School. RAM, who i play a lot of games with over the years. We are pretty evenly matched strategically, etc. When i just "mind the house" and just take care of business i do pretty well, but practically every time in my almost 30 years of knowing him that i boasted and/or talked smack... he thrashes me in the event. LOL Maybe it's a mental block on my end... but i honestly believe it is God's grace that allows it. And this is a good thing. If i think about it... i will expound on how my praying for patience is working out in my life. 8)

Well, since then i have dove into the Seasonal Garden and Zugzwang's Tower. While i enjoy the seasonal theme, i get impatient. Because i am not willing to just throw expensive Super Brie at attracting the mice (it costs real money, or 4,000+ gold per piece) i tend to get a lot of "failure to attract" (or FTA) results. This causing the power meter to dribble down 3% each time, while most of the mice you do catch only raise the bar 1% or so. So it takes me a long time to get the amplifier fully boosted to 150%. But once that is completed i am able to hit the tower. I like the overall chess theme and the strategy involved. What trap to use and when. What bait and/or base to use and when. Time is not on your side here. Each mouse you catch the power bar you worked so hard to charge up out in the garden, drops it a percentage based on the point value of the piece (for example, Pawns drop the meter 1% while Queens drop it 9%). You also have to catch the pieces in ascending order. That is, you have to catch 8 pawns before the knights become available, two knights before the Bishops, etc. However, once you have caught the 8 pawns does not mean they scamper away and hide. No! So you can continue to catch mice that you no longer need, all the while trying to catch the ones you do... but your power meter continue to drop with each catch (FTA). I have made four trips to the tower so far, while my first two trips were decent, catching the King while still having 70+%. My last trip it was in the 50's before i finally caught the King, but one one trip i stubbornly stayed until the power meter was in the 20's. The points are great, but not as much gold to be made. Still, this is my favorite area so far.

A week or so ago i heard about how a current trend is for churches to have some kind of door prize or raffle to draw people in the doors around Easter time. I can see the arguments about wanting to get people in the door that normally don't attend church, especially around Easter. Overall i do not agree with the practice. I feel that it sends the wrong message overall. I am not saying that God does not use it, or that He won't or wouldn't use it - because God can use anything of course. In the end, i pray that God does use it. The most important thing is the sharing of the Gospel, and that it takes root.

I have finally caved. I took DD3 to Pet Smart and bought her a new fish tank and some fish. I am just not willing to cave and get a dog, or even a cat. My beloved and DS1 are highly allergic to cats, and dogs need to be walked and cleaned up after. No amount of promises that "i will clean up, i will feed" were going to sway me because i know who in the end would be doing such tasks. I like fish, even with the containment of mess, etc. not taken into account. There is something pretty peaceful and fun to just sit and stare at them.

While i was watching a show on cable the other day i saw a commercial for "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"... WHAT?!? AWESOME! LOL I already own the series on DVD, however, i plan on watching it on the Sci-Fi channel just to encourage it in syndication. 8) I feel Fox really did not do right by this series, and i am pretty sure that it will not make a comeback. This show is just one of many that i liked that did not enjoy a long run. Space: Above and Beyond and Max Headroom immediately came to mind.

So, 12-Apr was the 150th anniversary of the start of hostilities between the North and the South of the United States of America. I believe it is called a "sesquicentennial"... boy that is a mouth full. Lately DS2 has been showing an interest in seeing a reenactment. It's not the soldiers he is most interested in, but the muskets for some reason. He has been wanting me to take him to one for almost a year now, so... i am going to be more actively engaged in trying to find one close to home. It really shouldn't be as hard as i am making it living this close to the Mason-Dixon line and all. Oh, and if you can... i HIGHLY recommend Ken Burns' "The Civil War" special that first aired on PBS. An excellent work in my opinion.

Ok, i am finally going to wrap this up. One thing that has 'hindered' my blogging has been a tare i have been having writing my short stories. All told i am pretty sure i've put down over 10k words. All three of my story lines have moved some. One has not been "published" (i.e. posted to my short stories blog site, not ink and paper), but the other two have moved along nicely. i have even taken some decent notes on where to go with all three at this point, so in a way... even if it means my blogging "suffers" (and judging from the number of readers... it will not be missed too terribly) so i can get more writing done.

2011-03-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

One morning last week i got into a discussion with a friend of mine about how i feel that i need to learn to be more aggressive in some ways. It was then inferred that i did not know what that meant, being the clueless git that i am. I still don't know what they meant though, so i thought i'd look it up and try and figure it out.

ag·gres·sive
[uh-gres-iv] -adjective
1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.
2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive: an aggressive basketball player.
3. vigorously energetic, especially in the use of initiative and forcefulness: an aggressive salesperson.
4.boldly assertive and forward; pushy: an aggressive driver.
5.emphasizing maximum growth and capital gains over quality, security, and income: an aggressive mutual fund.
6.Medicine/Medical .
a.(of a disease or tumor) spreading rapidly or highly invasive; difficult or impossible to treat successfully.
b.pertaining to a risky surgery or treatment, or to a medication that has grave side effects: aggressive chemotherapy.

Origin:
ag·gress
[uh-gres] -verb
1.to commit the first act of hostility or offense; attack first.
2.to begin to quarrel.

To be honest... in the context i had intended... most of those definitions were not what i was going for. I wanted to say that i wanted to be the initiator, the first to begin as opposed to my furtive attempts before. Always waiting to make sure i was not offending in some way. I am not looking to quarrel i am just trying to lead in some ways. I guess if i were to apply one of these definitions it would be from #3 above. Although... after this little exercise... i am still not sure. LOL

Things at work have been a little 'stormy' of late. Just busy and chaotic. Last week i was approached about the possibility of some kind of trip out to the mid-west. I was both excited and nervous. Excited because, well, i don't do a lot of business trips. Nervous because i would be going into someone else's "house" to sniff around. It's a long story, and one i would not like to air out here in public. For my take on things, i would not be going to exert any kind of pressure. I would only be there to get a better idea of how things are working there, look under the hood so to speak, and see what we could do to interact together more efficiently. Today it looks as if the long reconnaissance patrol has been canceled. Basically i am standing by to stand by.

For some time now PUMPKIN (DD3) has been wanting a puppy REALLY bad. Before i say anything else, i love dogs. I like the comradery , the unconditional acceptance, and the incredible faithfulness of the canine species in general. But in the end, i am not ready to have a dog in our home. Dogs require a lot of care. I do not want to get a dog and then neglect it in some fashion. Of course she says she would take care of it, etc., but i know the truth. Next winter when it is snowing i am going to be the one out there walking the dog and cleaning up the yard. Then, there are the medical bills, etc. that eventually arise. Due to allergies etc. a cat is out of the question too. Note: unlike some dog lovers i am not opposed to cats. I like cats for their independence and how they can (generally) clean up behind themselves. They can also get in trouble and create messes too, but again... i am leery of the additional expense of having a cat. Animals deserve, and require, care and one should not assume the responsibility of ownership of a pet unless you are prepared to care adequately for them. As a compromise i went out and bought a starter ten gallon fish tank. We have it set up in her room to allow the water to balance out and we will be going to get the fish later this week. I had never heard that the ratio for fish is generally 1" of fish per gallon of water capacity of the tank. I am still pretty sure i will be the one who ends up taking care of the thing, but at least the fish won't smell up the house or tear up the yard.

I deferred my Dragon hunt in MouseHunt due to a special event where the amount of scrap metal dropped by the various mice was doubled. "Farming" for scrap metal in MouseHunt is a test of endurance and patience. I recently constructed a powerful base, but it took 200 pieces of scrap to make it. I am pretty sure the cumulative time it took me to gather it all up was literally a month or so. Now, i am not sure what else i might need it for, or if there is something coming up that will needed it, but one cannot ignore such events on just the off chance it will come in handy. Anyway... i have begun my Dragon hunt in earnest as of Monday. If i catch two Dragons will be happy... if one of the two should happen to drop the blueprints for a very powerful Hydro trap... i will be ecstatic. Once this brief run (50 pieces of cheese maximum) is completed, i am finally beginning my run through the Seasonal Gardens and Zugzwang's Tower. I have so been looking forward to this region because i LOVE chess... even though i am not very good at it. In preparation i have already purchased and crafted the traps i am able to use at this level. If i can get the Heat Bath blueprints from the Dragons i will be even more prepared. Unfortunately i had to smash my one Chess themed trap that i did have to craft the even more powerful one... but i will save up to replace it. I am going to shamelessly post each chess piece i catch on my facebook profile. I apologize to my friends in advance for, perhaps, unwanted game advertisements.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2011-03-17T18:00:00.000-05:00

While i am not Irish, nor where any of my ancestors (that i am currently aware of), i am married to a beautiful Irish redhead. So, i am Irish by marriage. 8) However, that does not mean i am fully aware of all of the traditions and such that surround this holiday. Not too long ago i got chewed out for stating something about corn beef and cabbage being a traditional meal. Whatever, all i know is that my wife and her family like to eat it on St. Patrick's Day. I was going to wear orange today, because i had been told that Catholics wear green and Protestants wear orange in their show of support for the day, but when my beloved caught wind of it i was told in pretty definitive terms that i was to wear green and NOT orange. LOL, so... i have green on... but i am orange on the inside. 8) I am listening to my Celtic Folk Pandora station today. Ok, i listen to it most days, but it counts today.

On that note: I once sought out an Irish Pub when i was staying overnight during a Guard drill. I called well in advance of my stay and asked if they were going to be having a live band playing on the night in question. I was assured that they were. So, that evening i went and got there early, selected a prime spot, outside of the direct sound-wave cone, and ordered my meal. When the band took the stage, did they play foot tappin', fiddle and whistle, tunes!?! Nope! They were playing classic rock songs! Wow... talk about disappointment. The best experience i have ever had in an Irish Pub was at Kevin Barry's in Savannah, GA. I cannot recommend this place highly enough. Both times i visited were great. Great food, great drink, great music.

Go raibh tú daibhir i mí-áidh
Agus saibhir i mbeannachtaí
Go mall ag déanamh namhaid, go luath a déanamh carad,
Ach saibhir nó daibhir, go mall nó go luath,
Nach raibh ach áthas agat
Ón lá seo amach.

May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
Slow to make enemies,
quick to make friends,
But rich or poor, quick or slow,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

We few, we happy few

2011-03-15T18:00:00.004-05:00

"You hid in that ditch because you think there's still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it." ~ Ronald Speirs in the HBO mini-series, "Band of Brothers".

This past weekend one of the cable channels was having a Band of Brothers marathon. I have never seen the entire series. I've barely even seen a complete episode (there were ten in all), but i do know that i would enjoy it in its entirety. The accomplishments of the men of the 101st and Easy company are well documented. I admire the men who fought in World War II, but in the end this quote stuck with me not because of them men who fought in that war but because it struck me about how i live my life. I keep living my life afraid to give up things in my life. There are times i fear death. I fear that God may require of me to actually have me give up my home, my job, the luxuries (because, let's be honest... the fact i have more than one pair of shoes/jacket/pants/etc., i have TV when i want it and i can go out to eat fairly often, i live in luxury compared to a vast majority of the world) i enjoy. But when in the service to Christ can't i already consider myself dead to sin? Yes, i struggle in the flesh... with the vain hope that i can continue in my sin with impunity, but if i am in Christ i should see myself dead to sin, dead to self. Just like any warrior who struggles with fear though, i continue to struggle with sin. I have taken encouragement from Paul's continuing struggle with a "thorn in the flesh" (2 Cor 12:7-9), Job's trials (the entire book of Job), and the fact that not only i am to forgive others seventy times seven, but that i am confident in God's grace and forgiveness. That does not give me license to go on sinning however, merely encouragement that when i am weak He is strong. For all my talk, i continue to struggle to march on my knees and to work out my ongoing sanctification. I am already dead, and i do need to function as a "samurai" of the Lord Jesus Christ... i need to function with mercy, with compassion, and with remorse of my own sins, but where i need to function without compassion, remorse or sorrow is in regards to my pursuit of self discipline and the war against my own flesh.

For several months i have been searching for an artisan to recreate the Eldar Pathfinder Rune for a pendant. Since i tend to fixate on all things grace/samurai/elvish i had wanted one that was similar in design and material to that of a cross that i have. My cross is crafted out of simple masonry nails and fused together in more of a craftsmanly fashion, rather than that of a jeweler. When i say months, i literally mean months. When i first started my search i really didn't think it would be all that difficult to find. I was pretty sure that it was not difficult to do and the materials not all that expensive. I tried several variations of Google searches until i finally just performed a search for "jewelry made with masonry nails". Somewhere in there i found a listing at Bizrate.com, and there at the top was the type of work i was looking for. A Rugged Celtic (hard C) Cross Nail Pendant. Once i found this i found a way to contact the artist directly. Brad Goodell was very prompt and courteous in getting back to me. I explained to him what i was hoping to get crafted, we went back and forth on material, etc. and once i had adequately conveyed the idea he went to work. Only three total days later he sent me pictures of the product to verify it was what i wanted. In my opinion - amazing since i am sure this was not a high end item for him. Now, i know it is not a highly polished and smooth finish that the Eldar would probably produce or wear, but then... i am not an Eldar, despite my desires, LOL. Besides, i wanted it to have a beaten and weathered look to it. Here are the results of his work:

I am happy enough with the results that i am already considering commissioning a samurai kanji (侍 ) pendant from him.

Speaking of Elves, not long ago (last week probably), i lamented about not having any desire to get the Lord of the Rings trilogy on Blu Ray. I mean, why bother!? It was the theatrical versions. But then i got word of the Extended (or Director's cut) edition of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy being released of Blu-Ray in a single boxed set. Now, it does not have cool collectibles like my Gollum statue, but it does have a lot of behind the scenes stuff included. I know i already have the set on DVD... but i am pretty sure i know what i am going to be using my Amazon.com Christmas gift card on.

Late last week, on the residual "high tide" of my recent writing attempts i got a bur in my saddle to continue the story line of one of my older characters, Ian. When last i left him he had gone against Dyrke and his wishes in regards to my current active character, Jakob. I was not really sure how to move his story line forward but i had an epiphany and have been able to run with it. I am almost 800 words into it, and probably only 1/3 to 1/2 of the way to where i think his story line is now going. I hope to post and share it soon.

Well, i missed both of my regular Monday blog offerings. Microfiction Monday and Music Monday. Susan at Stony River: a Writing Life has actually been busy with a new full time job, which is awesome in my opinion. You see, she is a double hero in my opinion. She is not only a mother of an ASD child, but she is also a single mother working hard to provide for her family. So, with her "distractions" and not being able to post a new photo each week, i have an excuse. But, in regards to Music Monday, i have no excuse. That recurring theme is one of my own choosing and self motivating. This week's offering stemmed from an area of my walk with Christ that i am wrestling with, and after a long night after being called in, the song come on the radio and spoke to me. Which has happened to me again this morning in regards to this same issue. While it is no where near as epic as Jacob's wrestling with an Angel, it has been something God has been walking me through and refreshing to my soul on how He reached down to my soul through the radio.

Rescue
Desperation Band

You are the source of the life
I can’t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There’s no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

Praying for Japan

2011-03-11T07:52:00.006-05:00

With an affinity for Japan and her history, i would be remorse if i did not put out a blog to ask for prayer for this nation this morning. The nation experienced an 8.9 magnitude earthquake last night (from my perspective). More than 1,000 deaths is likely as of this writing..

CNN has a "Live Blog" of reports... this is more my kind of news reading... blurbs.

Japan is a nation, is a member of the human race, and a member of this planet. We owe her no less than to reach out in prayer and with aide as we are able.

Who do i think i am, Dirk the Daring?

2011-03-10T18:08:00.001-05:00

Ok, this might be dating myself some... but i actually remember sinking quarter after quarter after quarter into a stand up version of Dragon's Lair. I loved that game, even if it was a timing and pattern game. The sad thing is... i never beat the machine. I just couldn't get the quarters fast enough, or myself to the Putt Putt golf often enough. Well... to be fair... Cyberball also came along and distracted me some, but i digress. I am sure most readers who come across this blog are familiar with Facebook and the innumerable number of distractions (i.e. games) that are available through that social network. My preferred particular pill of addiction is MouseHunt. Even though i do not just add 'friends' willy nilly there, i do have a handful of MouseHunt 'only' friends (well, not entirely true, two are fellow parents of ASD children - so we have that in common), and through one such friend i learned of an unofficial Dragon hunt coming up in two weeks. Basically, a guys (or Doms - as in Dominators) versus Gals (Divas) competition to catch a fairly difficult mouse - the Dragon Mouse (duh!). What makes it hard is that it is in a remote region of the map that requires time and patience to reach, then it takes time and patience to gather up the supplies to obtain the ingredients to craft the the special cheeses that help you catch mice that drop the ingredients for the next mouse, which drops things needed for the next group of mice who in turn... you guessed it drops loot/ingredients for the group of mice that include the elusive Dragon Mouse. And then, this fellow is not a sure catch. While i am not certain what the exact ratio of hunts to misses to actual catches (some hunts will gather the other mice and not your intended target). I know this may sound odd... but this is exactly what draws me to this game. It is not possible to just go there and do this or that. Anyway, even though i do not yet qualify to join the Dragon Dominators (i have not captured enough of the beasts yet) i have decided to go ahead and do the hunt on my own just for fun. Who knows... maybe i can get lucky and get the blueprints for yet another trap! One distraction will be the game's 3rd birthday celebration. But, i will keep my eye on the prize... to catch me some Dragon Mice, and prepare my assault on Zugzwang's Tower.

Speaking of dragons... I have been itching to reread The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Reading is, for me, is immersion in imagination. My mind is completely absorbed by what i am reading. I think it's tied into the male's ability to completely blank out the mind. I still remember reading about Bilbo and the Dwarves on their adventures. Then the hand off to Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring. I think it is why i often need to "rewash" my mind with the Bible from time to time. To keep the gospel colored lenses in place and properly filtering what i "see". The actual reason for this blip of topic is that i saw that the theatrical versions of the Lord of the Rings (which are NOT complete adaptations of the book... if they were they would have easily been 20+ hours long) on Blu Ray. I'm telling you, after seeing the dingy gray of The Book of Eli on Blu Ray i am in geeky hi-def heaven (lower case H). However, i am NOT going to be getting the theatrical versions of those movies. The extended versions are just SO much better in my opinion.

So the NFL and NFLPA have extended the deadline for the collective bargaining agreement. I am glad, but i am also losing interest in who gets what. I just want to see the Panthers play in 2011. I would like to see if Coach Rivera can string back to back winning seasons. Not another run at the NFC South or even the NFC championships would be nice... but for me... i would like to see consistent winning in back to back seasons. That would make me happy... even if it was 9-7 and 9-7 with no playoffs in either season.

I have finally posted another chapter for my short story series. This one is about 750 words, and is not even a portion of the 6,800+ word thread i had mentioned not too long ago. For some reason that is a double edged sword for me... both discouraging (because i have not posted the new thread yet), and encouraging because i finally posted something after an almost 8 month undesired hiatus. Even though the two story lines intertwine... i am feeling compelled to leave the second thread on the side line for some reason. Maybe for me to understand the background and use it to write the other thread? In any event, it feels good to be writing and posting stories once more. I even have an idea of how to progress a pair of older characters...

Well, this was supposed to post Tuesday evening, but it didn't so i am going to ramble on for a little while longer.

Had an odd argument this morning over the term "Hooah", you know the motivated response to most questions in the military. This gentlemen insisted that it derives from acronym HUA, which means Heard, Understood, and Acknowledged. While that is a possibility, there is evidence that the term may have originated as far back as the American Civil War. I found a pretty decent response to the question at About.com. All in all, no one can agree where it originated, but it is something unique to the American military (apparently). The discussion reminded me of the time i talked with DS1 about my opinion on "Year 0" - or in how the 21st century did not begin until the year 2001, and not the year 2000. Basically i feel that there are way too many people out there who know what they know because they know it and they are not interested in dissenting opinions or sources of information. I lump myself into that category from time to time as well. it not just "those people" who have that issue... i struggle with it too.

A major disrespect of our aging veterans has been taking place in my opinion. Recently the last American veteran of WWI past away (Frank Buckles), and Congress and the House of Representatives have failed to pay proper respects for this man and those who he fought alongside. We have memorials for WWII, Korea and Vietnam. I am not saying that this man by himself deserves any special recognition, but it is the passing of a generation of veterans who served and sacrificed for this nation as well as for our friends and allies in Europe. Both France and England paid honor to the passing of their last veteran of the "Great War", and France is even sending a high ranking delegation to attend whatever we see fit to pay tribute. If this is how we treat those who volunteer and sacrifice... i fear for our future. Unless hard work and sacrifice are honored and rewarded, we will continue to drift into mediocrity. Our time as a world leader is waning... and perhaps... that is for the best.

A quick note about my current struggles with depression before i wrap up for this week. I have been on Celexa for a little over three weeks. I noticed almost an immediate improvement of my demeanor. I am very happy with the results... but also nervous. On three occasions i failed to remember to take the Rx first thing in the morning (i moved it to the AM to help me sleep better a night, a known side affect). and i noticed pretty quickly a difference. I sure hope this becomes an ingrained habit soon.

Wicked Wednesday - 20110309

2011-03-09T08:00:00.013-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

Today we picked Whoopi Goldberg. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

Note: My responses are a week behind the meme as set up, but it is to allow me to get the responses done (in my opinion) adequately.

1. An actress can only play a woman. I'm an actor, I can play anything.
If you could experience any life form that was not a human of your sex, what would you pick and why?

LOL - it took me a few times reading the question through to get it. I would love to experience a lifetime as an Elf. It's not that i think they have a perfect life, but the mythology of the Elves as i know it (which is predominately of the Tolkien variety) really appeals to me. To have lifetimes to focus on and study different things, and not just one lifetime to study say music, but several such lifetimes. And not just one subject, but many different ones. I do not know what Heaven will be like other than i will get to worship God in person, but there are times when i imagine we will get to explore different aspects of His creation and how it pertains to His glory.

2. For some reason, all artists have self-esteem issues.
Do you have any self esteem issues? Do tell. (Since we all do.)

Indeed i do. I tend to feel that i am i unable to be all that i could want to be, and yet... i know i think to highly of myself. This may seem like an odd dichotomy but let me expound upon this. I tend to be very critical of myself. I perform self evaluations almost daily. What have i done that i could improve upon. This is a never ending deal because there is always something that i could have done better, a harsh remark not spoken, a reassuring compliment not spoken, more time spent doing something other than playing on my HTC EVO. Then there is my relationship with my Savior. Although God in His kindness has shown me glimpses of my own sin and depravity, the image is but a shadow of just how deeply i had/have offended the Holiness of God. Just a pinch of leaven will pervade a batch of dough, so does a pinch of sin in my life. It is only by the grace of God through the work of Jesus Christ am i am able to stand before the Throne.

3. I am the American Dream. I am the epitome of what the American Dream basically said. It said, you could come from anywhere and be anything you want in this country. That's exactly what I've done.
Do you believe in the American Dream or has it passed through time?

I do for the most part. While i know it is not perfect, i do feel that many of the freedoms that make it so are slowly being stripped away. America is great, not because we have given everything to some, but because we have allowed hard work to be rewarded. I do not have all the answers, nor are all my opinions correct, but i do know that you cannot legislate morality and you can not tax a country to prosperity.

4. I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation.
It's been asked before, probably weekly, but what's irritating you today?

This quote brought a slight chuckle out. 8) Nothing particular at the moment. Things like "failing to plan on your part, shouldn't constitute an emergency on my part", just because you have to do something you didn't expect or take an extra step in a process because things were not laid out exactly how you wanted does not give you the right to whine and complain - put on your big girl panties and actually do the extra step or two to achieve success. I tell my children all the time that life is not fair and that they need to learn how to figure out how to overcome the obstacles that appear to be blocking their way. The sooner one learns to adapt and accept that the world does not revolve around them, the further along the path of success they will be.

5. I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are, she's going to end up looking like me.
What do you think you'll end up looking like? (A picture would help.)

I can only hope that i will age as gracefully and handsomely as my maternal grandfather, or my father-in-law. However i think it is going to be more like Statler and Waldorf - those two hecklers from the Muppet Show.

6. I grew up in a time when it would never have occurred to anyone to tell me there was anything I couldn't do.
Has anyone told you that you could not do something?

Way back when i first joined the Army National Guard, i remember being pretty gung-ho. On my first Annual Training cycle we trained with a team from the 82nd Airborne division. I wanted to go full time that summer, but the full timers were less than encouraging. Essentially they mocked and told me that i couldn't do it. I never did go full time, though i am OK with that. I like where i am at in life.

7. I want Carl Sagan to explain the sky to me.
Is there anybody dead that you'd like to talk to?

I would love to talk to Peter, James, or John - the disciples of Jesus. I would also love to talk to the woman who poured the Alabaster jar of perfume to anoint Jesus and washed his feet with her tears. Lazerus would be an interest evening, especially in the company of Mary and Martha. These are the ones that immediately jumped to my mind. As Jesus has risen from the dead... that is the reason He is not on the list. 8)

8. If every American donated five hours a week, it would equal the labor of 20 million full-time volunteers.
Have you ever done volunteer work?

I have, but not as much as i should. I have assisted with coaching soccer teams, i have helped with some church projects. My life right now is mostly spent working with my children and getting them where they need to be, etc. Although, i am slowly getting back into some things here and there as i include my oldest... well, to be honest... he is including me. 8)

9. It's being willing to walk away that gives you strength and power - if you're willing to accept the consequences of doing what you want to do.
Have you ever walked away from a job and regretted it?

Several actually. The first one that comes to mind was the summer i spent working with a pool re-plastering company. Being the low man on the totem pole i spent my days on the back of the truck busting bags into the mixing machine that weighed between 80 and 120 pounds. That was hot, dusty work, but i actually enjoyed it. One day, i just stopped going. Another was as a shipping and receiving clerk for a machinery testing company. That was a cake job, decent pay, not very hard work. Again, one day i just stopped going. Unfortunately there were others as well. That is what steered me towards the National Guard eventually because potential employers began noticing a trend in my job history.

10. Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
Are you normal? Explain.

Of course i am normal, it's all you other wackos out there that are not. 8) I once heard a good quote. Everyone in the world is insane. Why else would we walk through life that we do. It's the people who have been institutionalized that have had their eyes open and see the world for how it really is. Personally, i don't subscribed to that point of view, but it made me chuckle. We each mold ourselves on our perception of 'normal'. We see the world through our individual lenses (even as members of a group, we still have unique points of view) and respond as we have learned, or trained ourselves, to. "Normal" is only a median of a particular group of people.

Microfiction Monday - 20110307

2011-03-07T00:01:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Microfiction Monday,

where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.

The old pictures always made him look two dimensional. Benjamin had nothing on him. Better to not age at all, let alone backwards.

Your Turn!

About Microfiction Monday

Microfiction means the shortest of short stories. Think Aesop's fables, comic strips, or even jokes: complete stories that can be told in under a minute. For this game, the limit is a tweetable 140 characters or fewer.

Hate counting letters and spaces? Try Design 215's character counter, which will count for you as you type. Microsoft Word will count for you too, of course, as part of its word count feature under the 'Review' tab.

Photos will be from my own archives; illustrations are from Dover Publications' free clipart sample newsletter.

And finally, why 140? A whole new fiction market has arisen via mobile phone texting and Twitter, who limits 'tweets' to 140 characters including spaces and punctuation. It's fast, it's fiction, it's fun.

I joined this meme thread from a fellow parent dealing with an Autistic child: Susan @ Stony River: a writing life

It's just like shooting phish in a barrel

2011-03-03T08:00:00.001-05:00

I am not one to usually fall for phishing attempts. I am leery of any unsolicited free opportunities, don't even bother with some kind of assistance with a money transfer, and i am not interested in any sort of time share. So, when an e-mail came into my business e-mail address advising me that i needed to upgrade a certain function within my PC i should have noticed that certain fields did not look quite right, but this thing i was told to update is something that i've had trouble with before and before i verified anything i was clicking and typing away. *sigh* Fortunately i realized my error quickly and immediately revoked the privileges of this function and reacquired new privileges using brand spanking new passwords. I felt like such an id10t. There were at least two things i should have noticed off the bat, but my guard was down and i was not paying close enough attention. My paragraph here is to encourage anyone who reads this to verify, verify, verify, and if you feel that you have clicked on a link or provided a password to a 3rd party you would rather not have... change all related passwords immediately. It is highly recommended that a password be a MINIMUM of 8 characters (12 is preferred), containing upper AND lower case 'alpha' characters and at least 1 numeric and 1 'special (~!`@#$%^&*-.,<>) character. Also - it is best to not use any personal references in case "social engineering" is taking place.

I got on a writing tear. 6700 words. I followed a friend's advice and just wrote and wrote and wrote. I kept going until i got to the end of the outline i had worked up a few months back. Although, i did have to wing it in some spots because i did not have every detail outlined. I have now hit a roadblock of sorts... my own outlining. I need to get going on that part, but in the meantime i am not confident in sharing what i have so far because i want to proof it at least with one go over. Oh, and i have recently learned of pages being enabled on Blogger.com, so i want to look into that to help sort my stories, and preferably in a more chronological order - as opposed from newest to oldest. I just need to take time to figure it out and how to get it to work properly.

I have often received good reviews in regards to performances at my work. I am not boasting because i feel that it is of God's grace and favor and not because i am some awesome worker in and of myself. To be honest, i feel inadequate pretty much every day. I work among some incredibly bright people, and while i am able to learn and use what they share, i am often reminded that although i am a peer in employment i am not a main contributor to the knowledge pool. Well, this year i was reminded that i will be expected to pursue regaining at least a CCNA. *sigh* I really struggle at book learning. I struggle in individual pursuit of further education. Get me in a class with an instructor where i can interact and put my hands to work on what i am learning, i get it. Unfortunately, that form of tutoring is pretty steeply expensive and my employer is not inclined to pay, not unless i am pursuing some form of college degree. As of right now i do not have a plan... and i am pretty nervous about achieving this goal put before me.

Music Monday - 20110228

2011-02-28T08:00:00.001-05:00

My song for this week was one that i happened to hear while listening to Pandora last week. It was on my "Irish Folk" station. For some time i have been searching for Christian Irish Folk musicians, and i have even had several comments recommending a few groups, but to be honest unless i can hear the music and experience it first hand, it's hard to know if i like it for sure. Moya's song "Hear My Prayer" was very timely and beautiful.

Hear My Prayer
Moya Brennnan
Album: Signature

Hear my prayer
Bring me through the darkness, hear my heart
Draw me in
On this bright, new morning

Here I am, stay with me
Never too late to forgive
Here I am, set me free
Sing Hallelujah

Angels walk with me
Guide me to the water's edge
Wash away my doubts, my fears
Lord, strengthen me and bring me back to you

Change my heart
With a gentle touch you change my world
Hold me close
Fill my life with beauty

Hear my voice, stay with me
Bring cool water to my lips
Hear my prayer, set me free
Sing Hallelujah

Angels walk with me
Guide me to the water's edge
Wash away my doubts, my fears
Lord, strengthen me and bring me back to you
(2x)

To know, and to be known, by God is the ultimate. The scariest thing to hear is "‘I never knew you; depart from me" (Matthew 7:23 ESV), and prayer and meditation on the Word of God is essential to getting to know our Lord. So this was a good song for me because it speaks to me about spending time with the Lord.

Microfiction Monday - 20110228

2011-02-28T00:01:00.001-05:00

Welcome to Microfiction Monday,

where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.

She couldn't bear the thought of poor Jenny not being able to buy that pretty ribbon. "With this shilling, perhaps she will have it to put in her beautiful hair."

Your Turn!

About Microfiction Monday

Photos will be from my own archives; illustrations are from Dover Publications' free clipart sample newsletter.

I joined this meme thread from a fellow parent dealing with an Autistic child: Susan @ Stony River: a writing life

Wicked Wednesday - 20110223

2011-02-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

Today we picked Salma Hayek. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

1. Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.
Do you know someone that has been a victim of domestic violence?

My mother actually. For some reason she became smitten with a bear of a man. They dated for a little while, and even married. It lasted four weeks. I know i stood up to him once and had my head put through a wall. While my beloved has the ability to push my buttons like no other, and i have pounded my fist against a wall, or slammed a door, it is NEVER appropriate to hit on a woman unless you are defending yourself AND you are in danger of serious injury/death.

2. I became obsessed with all these women who die never feeling they did anything extraordinary with their lives.

What woman do you feel has made a significant contribution to society over the last decade?

I feel there are several. Condoleezza Rice, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and many others that escape me right now. Some better than others, some more than others. Famous people bore me, so i've not paid attention. The true would be said if asked about which men have made contributions.

3. I have a farm and I love it there. There's really nothing to do, but even watching the chickens, its fun.

Have you ever considered life on a farm (perhaps with a pig named Arnold)?

I've never lived on a farm, but i have lived around farms a lot. Farms are awesome and a vital part of world, but i am pretty sure it is not for me. I am smart enough to know that you don't just throw some seeds in the ground and wait a few months. Animals require attention too. I guess the life of a farmer is so different from what i've grown up with, and what i do now... i have a hard time imagining it.

4. I proved to myself that if I believe in something and set my mind to it I could actually accomplish it.

Do you think that’s true of everybody in all situations?

No, not in all situations. For example, if i wanted to become the Emperor of Japan i am pretty confident that no matter how hard i believe in it, not matter how hard i try, it will always be out of my reach. However, you have to believe in yourself to achieve great things. You have to believe in yourself to achieve even very good things. Belief in yourself helps push you beyond the barriers and obstacles which invariably arise. If you cannot push beyond them, then you will never achieve much.

5. I really do love Diana Ross; I grew up listening to her records. I grew up in a little town in Mexico, so while we got the music, we never got the experience of watching her.

Who is you favorite Motown era artist?

I think it would be Stevie Wonder. To be honest, mostly because he is the only one that readily comes to my mind. I have enjoyed some of the music from Motown, but it generally is not my cup of tea.However, this song is a real favorite of mine.

6. I think it's nice for women to try to be sexy for their man.

How much time to you spend getting “sexy” for a partner?

To my shame, not as much as i used to. I need to work on that because i think she deserves the effort. I do struggle with knowing how though. Women are different than men. I can't just go slip into a thong and "do it" for her. LOL - you ladies are complicated. No two alike.

7. I'm good at working, but I'm very good at playing.

How do balance work and play in your life?

Wow... that is pretty hard, and i am not so sure it is balanced right now. I have an addictive personality so "play" tends to be at one extreme or the other. Mostly, i play at writing which is what i get to do most regularly without losing track of my other duties.

8. I've stolen a couple of hearts and they are in my private collection!

Do you think that you’ve ever broke someone’s heart?

No, not really. Had mine broken a few times. My beloved's heart is the only one i ever swooned, and i pray that i have never broken hers.

9. My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood.

Do you think that you drive well?

LOL - i believe i once read that 80% of drivers believe themselves to be above average, which of course is not possible. 8) In general, yes i do. I pay careful attention to what others are doing and drive defensively. It has helped me more than once to avoid another "above average" driver.

10. Some men have a silly theory about beautiful women - that somewhere along the line they'll turn into a monster.

Do you feel that someone’s looks has a lot to do with their behavior?

I do, but mostly because of the circles that people 'naturally' fall into as they get older. A lot of it will be influenced by things at home and how the parents raise them, but... in general i think it has some influence, yes.

Ok now, let me get this straight

2011-02-18T18:00:00.004-05:00

Over the past few months i have been sharing about some struggles with depression and possibly coming to grips the possibility of actually being on the spectrum myself (in addition to DS2). I have never been to fond of change. I've always struggled with changes in routine and the past several months have been a struggle for me. I get discouraged because i feel like i should "know" better. I remind myself constantly that God has already gone before me, that he already knows all of my days, he knows my personality, he knows my mistakes, and He still provides His Son so that i will not have to atone for my sins and i will get to enjoy Him forever. I keep looking horizontal at the storm that rages around me, and i fail to look up to the One who can (and does figuratively) help me walk on water. The whirlpool analogy still applies. Never the less, God has also brought me a very long way during this time. I have found that you can walk a very long distance over broken/hilly terrain and not really get an appreciation for just how far you've traveled while you are still down in the middle of the brambles and valleys, but when you get on top of the hills, even little ones, you can get a much better perspective. That doesn't mean that the next valley will be less trouble than the previous one, or that you can just trot along the ridge line. If only i could consistently have a similar point of view to what Eric Haney during his training to become a member of Delta Force:

All day long, I crossed that mountain from one side to the other.. On the map the mountain looked like a big, dead, contorted octopus.. The main body was lumpy and irregular; the top writhed tentacle-like in a series of sharp-crested saddles. The fingers and ridges running off the sides of the crest were gnarled and twisted like the arthritic hands of an old man.

I would arrive exhausted and breathless at one RV (check point) only to be sent to the next RV back on the other side I had just come from. The mountain was too big to contour around, and the lay of the ground was such that I could never anything approximating a direct approach or maintain the hard-earned high ground for any length of time. Never getting anywhere, back and forth across the same mountain. It was a masterful torture. But then I had a revelation.

What difference could it possibly make if I crossed back and forth over this mountain until doomsday? A mountain is a mountain, time was time, and route selection was route selection. The only that that mattered was speed and ground made good.. My destination was determined by time; the physical position of that ultimate destination was only incidental to my reason for being there. The frustration and mental torture I had been suffering were completely of my own making - and completely within my power to disregard. I dropped all thoughts of anything other than making the best possible approach to the next RV, and it was amazing how much stronger I felt mentally and physically. (From Inside Delta Force, Delacorte Press, 2006, pg 79)

Now, fighting depression is not always as straight forward as telling yourself to "just get over it". God has provided doctors, therapists, and when needed prescriptions too. However, we need to remember to not give up on preaching to ourselves. I read a timely article over at Desiring God, The Ministry or Reminding Myself. I am not going to get into any finger wagging here because i am no expert. I do know that my walk with Christ is a journey, a long distance journey, and along the way there will be low valleys with river crossings - probably in bitter weather, but there will also be pleasant meadows and hill tops, and maybe a mountain top or two. Ultimately my journey is not about me and what i can get or what i can achieve, but what can i do for and with others who God brings into my life. Focus outwards and upwards and not inwards. This is of course is easier said than done.

Mr Haley makes an excellent point, and it can be applied to real life as well. What does it matter what God is taking you through. Is He not God, does He not have your ultimate good designed? We are not privy to the big picture... sometimes not even the small one, but when we trust in God that is where peace and joy in the middle of the storm is found. If we want to argue like Job ("Though he slay me, I will hope in him; [1] yet I will argue my ways to his face." (Job 13:15, ESV), we should also be willing to accept when He answers us: "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action [1] like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me." (Job 38:2-3, ESV)

In the end, you are are not alone. God has put in place friends, family, professionals, medicine. When the waves of depression swarm over you you have to fight the natural inclination to withdraw and seclude. Reach out for help.

As for me, my doctor has weened me off of Strattera and replaced it with something else... i can't remember the name of it off hand. All i know is that i did not like the loopy feeling in between the two. I am on day 3 of the new med... i am seeing a difference mentally, but i have not been sleeping well. Not sure if it is related or not. On the side affects it lists the side affects such as the possibility of both insomnia and sleepiness. Silly, i know, but it takes a few weeks for the new Rx to come to full affect. We shall see.

One last thing before i end this blog session. I found a new blog written by a mother with a child who has Autism. Unfortunately it came to my attention because of some difficulty they had at Disney world. She is very articulate and loves her son very much. I look forward to following her blog moving forward. Life is a Spectrum is the blog. From what i have read, it is a very good blog.

Wicked Wednesday - 20110216

2011-02-16T08:00:00.151-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

Today we picked Ronald Reagan. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

My answers to this meme run a week late, so the celebrity quotes are not as timely, but... anyway.

1. A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?
Are you concerned about mankind's intrusion into forests and jungles?

I am. Trees are a vital part of the planet's lungs. There is plenty of land available without having to butcher down the forests to make more room, or for over manufacturing. The only thing stopping such a change... borders of countries.

2. All great change in America begins at the dinner table.
What is the biggest change that you've seen in your lifetime with the U.S?

I would have to say cell phones. I still remember the day of the pay-phone and needing to keep some change in the pocket in case of emergency. During my time the bulking portable phones that look like huge, heavy show boxes, to systems that you hold in the palm of your hand that can search the internet, stream a movie, listen to whatever music you care to even think about, download navigation tools that can help you drive almost anywhere you care to go, and even make a video phone call if you want to. Oh, i forgot they can take pictures and upload them to share with the world within seconds. Simply amazing.

3. All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
Do you feel nuclear power is still the fuel of our future?

I think it is a viable short term bridge until more potent reusable technology is viable. A lot of progress has been made in solar/wind/even wave technology. Progress also would need to be made on consumer consumption, which is being made, but unless we can obtain contentment on the consumption, we will always keep pace with improvements in production.

4. But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
How did you do academically in high school?

Um... i plead the 5th. I only passed 3 semesters of English. Towards the end i would actually roll dice on multiple choice questions to answer them. The rattling of the dice was quite loud in the middle of the quiet class. I'd prefer to not go into more detail... there is a remote possibility that my children actually read this blog.

5. Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.
How closely have you followed the uprising in Egypt? Thoughts?

To be honest, other than a passing curiosity, not very. It is not that the concerns of those who are protesting their government is not important, it is just that i have enough going on in my own life that i do not have enough 'CPU cycles' to keep track of all of the things going on in the world.

6. Democracy is worth dying for, because it's the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man.
Do you feel a political system is worth dying for?

While i am proud to be an American, i have a deep concern for taking a stance of being willing to die for a political system where those who make the rules all too often exempt themselves from those same rules. Right now, and i am only speaking about my opinion/observations of things here in the U.S., the political system is more of an "us" versus "them" mentality than a system "of the people, by the people, for the people". I honestly feel that there needs to be a minimum of two more major political parties. I see the Tea Party as a viable alternative and compliment to the overall general Republican Party. I think the Democratic Party needs something as well. There is no one politician that i A) completely trust and B) agree with on all of the issues. Just like the the government has taken action to break up industry monopolies, i feel that the current system needs just a little more diversification as well.

7. Don't be afraid to see what you see.
What do you see that scares you?

For me... it would have to be the interactions between parents, doctors, and/or teachers regarding the overarching diagnosis of PDD or Pervasive Development Disorder. Parents are usually the first to know that something is not quite right with their child. They are with them day in, and day out. Usually they monitor every step, every 'check mark' if you will, of every development milestone. Too often when the parent goes to their doctor they are told to be patient, just wait, you'll see. The thing with Autism is that the sooner you begin therapy and treatment, the better overall success the parent will have in preparing their child for success and complete integration into society. Then, after the parent has been worn down from fighting the battles with their doctors, the child enters the school system where the parent then has to fight a new battle on a new front.

Things have improved immensely, and there are doctors and teachers out there who truly care and want to work with you, but often their hands are tied or they are over worked on trying to help every child that they can. My beloved and i have been blessed by God bringing people into our lives who are such doctors and teachers. But not every family is so fortunate.

Now, before i leave the impression that the deficiency is solely with "them" (the doctors and teachers) i have a concern for many of the parents of PDD/ASD children. Very often i hear of parents that are being given resources, given direction for their children (how to get an official diagnosis, good therapy concepts, etc.) sit back and do not take advantage. They expect the school system to do it all. To them is say, the school system is already underfunded for NT children and wide set of needs for them, and to expect them to have all the answers and be able to do all the work is redonkulous. Those of us who are privileged to be the parent of a "special needs" child need to step up and lay aside some of our personal preferences and desires in order to do what is best for the child. You are a member of a TEAM of people in your child's life, and it only works best when it works as one.

8. Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we've ever known.
Tell us about an advance that you we will see in out lifetimes that is not in existence.

I think we will have better robotic prosthetics. Already advancements of brainwave control over robotic limbs has been tested. It is amazing the advancements made in that technology just in the last decade.

9. Facts are stubborn things.
What is something that most think of as a fact that does not ring true to you?

I read this on someone else's blog last week and i am inclined to agree. Global warming is what immediately comes to mind. Weather data has only been collected for about 150 years and to make such wide sweeping statements is suspect to me. Evolution also comes to mind. I am not so entrenched that i say it did not happen as the theory states, but i am saying that it is not mathematically possible to have happened without outside intervention.

10. Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged.
What do you think of politicians that use religion as justification of their beliefs?

It is impossible for a person to not allow their faith influence their beliefs. Whether it is the faith of an Agnostic, an Atheist, a Mormon, a Hindi, a Buddhist, a Muslim or a Christian. Our thoughts and actions are guided by what we believe, just some of them are more vocal about their beliefs than others.

Microfiction Monday - 20110214

2011-02-14T08:00:00.001-05:00

Welcome to Microfiction Monday,

where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.

Tom was lost in thought. Always been like that. His mind not on what was in front of him, always one valley over. Besides, all of the ladies here were accounted for.

Your Turn!

About Microfiction Monday

Photos will be from my own archives; illustrations are from Dover Publications' free clipart sample newsletter.

I joined this meme thread from a fellow parent dealing with an Autistic child: Susan @ Stony River: a writing life

Look, i know it's Thursday, and this was "due" on Monday... but hey, no blog before it's time.

2011-02-10T08:00:00.007-05:00

Hello and welcome to my rambling Music Monday and miscelanities. I usually have a Microfiction Monday contribution on Monday's, but i dropped the ball on that one. I also want to get back on the horse with regular Music Monday postings... so, that will be posted below. But, with my wanting to get something, anything, posted again... i am of course throwing several offerings in all at once. I am told that these kinds of posts are enjoyable... i will take the word of those who have left comments and feedback as... i don't see how, but... OK.

Oh, and since i will probably not post this until Thursday i should probably mention that "The Way of Walking with Christ" blog series has completed with last weeks post. I have placed a link to a single post with all entries on my "Blog entries with a samurai theme" list to the right. Or you can just click on the link i cleverly inserted here with the title.

This past Sunday i went over to my friend MOUSE's house (lol, pun not intended) for the Super Bowl. He is a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan. It was nice to be invited out, and while his Steelers didn't win the big game, he put on quite a spread. Not only is he a football fan, and fond of tailgating... he is a Chef to boot. Win-Win for team samurai Sunday night. 8) One good thing for the Panthers right now... they are now officially undefeated once more, and they are #1! #1 on draft day that is. Let's see how the labor negotiations go between the owners and the players. The more i think about it... the more i am on the player's side when it comes to the number of games played in a season. Personally, i think 18 games are too many. Player's bodies have a hard enough time making it through a 16 game schedule now, and the "concession" to add two (or is it three) more roster slots... not enough. I feel that a minimum of five additional roster spots would be needed to help teams get through all of the inevitable injuries that would arise. I like the idea of the rookie salary caps. I like the idea of more money being set aside for players in the older ages to help with head injuries and other lingering issues. Now, i understand that there are only so many M&M's in the jar out there, and how they all get divided up is pretty tricky, but... i am leaning towards agreeing with a lot of the players issues. Still, it is hard to feel sorry for millionaires who get to play a game for a living - even if it is only for a few years (most likely), all the while the bulk of the fans - the ones who turn on the TV's. who pay the hard earned money to make it to the games, buy the products such as jerseys and hats, who are hurting to make ends meet. Just because there are some who can dish out hundred's of dollars on a Sunday to see their favorite team play does not mean that we all can. Well, anyway... the Panthers are undefeated once more, and they are #1! Go Panthers!

Anyone who frequents this blog knows i am a fanboy of C.J. Mahaney, so it would only be natural for me to follow his blog. Now, he is not the only contributor to the blog, but he does indeed contribute from time to time... ok... getting off track here... anyway, last Friday's blog was something i had pondered from time to time, but never really sunk my teeth into it. It was titled "When Humility is Pride", and for some reason the title both caught me off guard, and glad to see as i know CJ has been accused of being artificially modest, that his humbleness is an act. Now, one thing i know from having lived with my mother long enough, anyone can faux whatever they want, and they might be able to fool not just themselves, but others too. The only impartial judge of the heart is God, but if you can be honest with yourself enough... it is good to perform self evaluations. Anyway, this blog post really had me chewing and thinking and i thought it would be good to share. Oh, and this is being added late, but... CJ has also been doing a great series on Criticism. This is an area i REALLY struggle in, and i am not in any sort of public ministry (well, other than this blog... if it can be considered a ministry). Anyway, i know that for me i can be very prideful, and when everyone does not agree with me, or think that i am doing things in the most proficient manner... i tend to take exception and want to react before i really listen and evaluate. I highly recommend this series as well.

Since last summer i have really been struggling to "pick up the pen" and get back to writing. TULIP has told me that she believes this is one manifestation of my depression (among other things of course). I am inclined to agree. When i am down i really don't feel like creating anything. I end up just trying to keep my head above water. When i finally start to claw my way out of it, and i get my fingers going once more... i do find an enjoyment of creating a story. Well, i have been writing again... and that is a good thing. I have a few chapters that needed to get posted over on my short story blog, Samurai's Yarns. While i am being encouraged to "just keep writing" and "go back and edit later", i am not willing to post them until i have a chance to review and edit at least once before posting. I am about 3,700 words into the next phase of the tale, with a rough estimate of another similar amount to go before this chapter is a wrap. I also have inklings on the next phase too... i've just not fleshed them out any yet.

OK, finally this was supposed to be my "Music Monday offering this week.

Rain Song
by Day of Fire

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into this sky
Bring springs of life into the wells that have been run dry

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Rain
Lord we thirst for water
Rain
We are desert Land
Rain
On your sons and daughters
Rain
Bring your rain again

Speak dreams into this water
And vision to this land
That oceans be divided
And bring forth life again

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

CHORUS x 2

Let the tide roll in
Washing over our lives
Let your water fall again

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into the sky

CHORUS x 2

Bring your rain again
Let your water fall down
Bring your rain again now
(repeat)

This song was speaking to me this week. In the book of John we find the account of Jesus' interaction with the Samaritan woman:

A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. [2] The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.” (John 4:7-15, ESV)

I have always related to the imagery rain and being "thirsty" for God. When we feel distant from God, and even before we confess Christ as our Lord, the deep desire of the need for that relationship... the need of a Savior, the need of fellowship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, can most be thought of... akin to if you will, a thirst. Not just a my-mouth-is-dry thirst, but a thorough sense of relief-from-dehydration-as-every-cell-in-my-body-is-rehydrated kind of thirst. Anyway... there are times in my walk where... i feel so very, very thirsty for the things of God, and when one gets a taste... it satiates like nothing else can. Well, with my struggles with depression it feels like a vast Mohave Dessert kind of need. The imagery of this song to me is off a rain storm in a dessert... of God's Spirit raining down and filling not just me, but others around (and through?) me. There is a reason scientists look for water on other planets... without it (as far as we understand the universe presently) life is not possible. The same is true for my walk with Christ... i NEED his Spirit to rain, and to reign. Especially as i try and navigate this valley known as depression.

Wednesday Wickedness - 20110209

2011-02-09T08:00:00.002-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's
begin this week's meme!

I know this is a week late, and is probably not as "current events", but... it is what it is.

Today we picked Charlie Sheen. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

1. As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?

What is something in which that you did not expect to succeed, but ultimately you were successful?

The National Guard. When i first enlisted it was because all of the full time jobs had stopped interviewing me. Understandable since i never kept a job longer than three months, and the companies were beginning to detect a pattern. It was my intention to join for the least amount of time (which was 3 years active reserve, 5 inactive ready reserve) and then move on with my life. Within those first three years i obtained my GED, was planning on attending community college, was on the books with the guard for some high speed training, and had been promoted to Sergeant. Not unheard of, but nothing to sneeze at either. In the end it turned into a twenty two year semi-career that saw me in the roll of First Sergeant for a time.

2. Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.

What do you think about home schooling?

I think home schooling is an great option - but only for those where the parents are diligent and ensuring the students are learning and progressing, and where the students are willing and able to learn in such an environment. It is NOT for everyone. It also allows for the customization to help facilitate advanced learning in specific areas if such an aptitude exists. It also allows for an increased focus on deficient areas of skill. While the Public School systems do strive very hard to allow for both of these, it is often very difficult for the teachers and aides within the system to be able to adjust for all students. It is my understanding that in order to maintain the highest level of education a certain middle ground must be maintained in order to provide for the broadest range of students attending. Now, having said all that - school teachers, of all grade levels, whether in the public or private sector, and this includes special needs teachers, and the aides of all teachers... they have my utmost respect. Often a huge burden is placed upon their shoulders, often with insufficient funding, and they put everything they have into their jobs and their students. Teachers, in my opinion, are often WAY underpaid for all that they do. May God richly bless each and everyone of you.

3. I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.

What makes you unique?

My DNA, my fingerprints, and i am pretty sure my retinas too. Oh, you meant what about my personality makes me unique? I honestly have no idea. AS far as i know, there is nothing new under the sun.

4. I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.

When you meet someone, how much of your past do you reveal?

Well, unless it comes up in conversation, and is relevant, i am not seeing why any of it should be revealed. To be honest i do not remember most of my childhood, nor do i care to. Even now i do not dwell on even recent past events. The past is the past and cannot be undone. Learn what you can from it and move on.

5. I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

Has rehab helped either you or a member of your family?

I attended AL-ANON a couple of times. I don't remember if i got anything out of it (Thank you for trying H.P.). I do have a member of my family who is attending Narcotics Anonymous. He is extremely diligent in making sure he attends the meetings and talks with his... i can't remember the name, but like an accountability partner. He also volunteers to help others and try and steer them to support groups and treatments. In the end, he loves his wife and children very much, and works very hard for them. So, yes. rehab has helped me and a member of my family.

6. I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

Do you dwell on your past?

Please refer to question # 4.

7. I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast.

Have you ever profited from something that at the time you felt that you did not earn?

Aside from salvation in Christ? DS1, aka LONG SHANKS, is a marvel to me. Despite of all of my many faults and failures as a father (i once yelled at him to stop crying), he has been growing up a strong and self motivated young man. He is consistently on the honor roll,he is regularly honored by his teachers, and he deeply wants to learn more about his Lord Jesus and be involved with things around the church. I know i have not earned such a son, it is only by God's amazing grace and the Holy Spirit working in and through him.

8. I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age.

Have you ever behaved in a way that you should not have?

All too often. Just this morning actually (at the time of me writing this). Despite my best efforts i screw up all the time. A lot of people refer to the innate goodness of man. I disagree with that generous statement of both myself, and my fellow mankind. Yes, there are times when people reach down and help each other, but if you look at the heart of each man, woman, and child, you will see a selfishness that will override such charity should the person's idols be threatened. None of us behave the way we should all of the time. "For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23, ESV) and "Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. (Psalm 127:1a, ESV)"

9. The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

Have you ever been in an ambulance? If not, have you ever been present when an ambulance was used?

Once that i remember. Not sure why now that i think back on it. I had broken my collarbone and my mom had called the paramedics (this was before 911). I have been very fortunate in that my family has not needed emergency services very often - so far. Another underpaid profession in my opinion.

10. Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.

Is there any uncertainty in your life at the present time? In the past?

Each day is a gift. The only certain thing in life is uncertainty. I am not a chaos theorist or anything, but when is anyone ever 100% certain about anything? While i like order and symmetry and predictability... i have come to realize i will never be comfortable this side of heaven because "everything in the universe is on schedule, and everything in the universe is subject to change".

Wednesday Wickedness - 20110202

2011-02-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

As usual, my responses are one week late...

Today we picked Steven Tyler. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

1. And the things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first.
When was the last time that you wanted to do something, but it was all done before you got there?

The one that comes immediately to mind is my Maternal Grandfather's funeral service. I had to travel 90 minutes one way to get there, so i left two hours before hand to leave flex time for traffic. I arrived after everyone had left the graveside. 8(

2. As good as I am, I'm nothing without my band.
Do you feel there is anyone you could not do without?

My beloved. We have our moments of "intense times of fellowship", but there are times when she is running late, and i have not heard from her for whatever reason, i actually get a little nervous.

3. Back then it was nothing like today. So you'd go to the bowling alley. We bowled and you could be in the back and you could make out, you know? And you know how hot it was to make out.
When you were young and innocent, what place did you make out?

When i was "young and innocent" i only ever had two opportunities. Once was in a closet, once in a set of bushes. Not the most comfortable locations... not something i am proud of. I was not one of the in-crowd, so opportunities did not occur all that often.

4. Drugs will get you out of your own way, but we lived it, and that's dangerous. It can actually turn around on itself and steal your soul, and that's what happened.
Were you ever tempted by something that could “steal your soul”?

Porn has been the most destructive 'drug' in my life. Alcohol or the other things more commonly thought of drugs have never been a real temptation in my life, but pornography has been an almost constant temptation since i was a young man.

5. Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us.
How do you deal with sorrow?

Um... i don't. I guess. It's pretty rare that something moves me to genuine sorrow. It's not that i don't have anything to be sorrowful for... i just don't understand the why's usually.

6. Fake it until you make it.
Did you ever have dreams of making it in showbiz in some capacity?
No, not really.

7. Humility is really important because it keeps you fresh and new.
What keeps you fresh and new?

I have a wife who loves me, and i enjoy writing.

8. I don't mind being a grandfather.
If you are a grandparent, do you at first “mind it”? If you aren't, how do you think that you would feel about it?

I am not sure... but i sure hope it is at least six to eight years out! Minimum.

9. I grew up in New Hampshire. My closest neighbor was a mile away. The deer and the raccoons were my friends. So I would spend time walking through the woods, looking for the most beautiful tropical thing that can survive the winter in the woods in New Hampshire.
Do you enjoy winter where you live?

For the most part yes. I live in a region where we get four genuine seasons, and the winters themselves are not overly severe. The only thing i don't like are the people who drive like un-informed novices. Driving 101, when the weather gets anything other than daylight, you adjust your speed accordingly. Wet/snowy/icy road surfaces do not lend themselves towards traction between the actual road surface and tire surface. Oh, and four wheel drive does not give you carte-blanche in teh handling department either.

10. I have to get inspired by something that touches my soul, or rocks my soul.
What rocks your soul?

Jesus Christ and being surrounded by those singing praise to Him, and seated at His feet to learn more of Him. If i had any doubt about this i was reminded of it last night as i read about and listened to a conference coming up that i am looking forward going to. I have heard it told that if you feel passionately about something... you should pursue it. I can't think of anything better than to pursue God with all of my heart, mind, and strength.

Music Monday - replacement

2011-02-01T18:00:00.000-05:00

This song really spoke to me this morning, so this is a last minute substitution.... and apparently not scheduled correctly...

Call My Name
Music by: Third Day
Lyrics by: Mac Powell
Album: Revelations

It’s been so long since you felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know there’s a place where you belong
Here in my arms

When you feel like you’re alone in your sadness
And it seems like no one in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call my name and I’ll be there
You just call my name and I’ll be there

The pain inside has erased your hope for love
But soon you will find
That I’ll give you all that your heart could ever want
And so much more

You just call my name
You just call my name

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call my name
You just call my name
You just call my name now

The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just call my name
You just call my name
You just call my name

.
I am at a really low point today... i honestly feel like there is little i can do right, and i am losing my grip on a great many things. Not that any of it is mine to hold...

The Way of Walking with Christ - based on a work of Miyamoto Musashi

2011-02-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

21) Never Depart from the Way of the Martial Arts.

For the Christian samurai 'The Way' is our walk with Christ. It is not something entered into casually, nor is it something to discard. You are either a Christian, or you are not.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV)

For those who are parents, we are admonished to "train up a child in the way he should go; [so] even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6), the same is true for ourselves. All soldiers train for battle so our own training should be a daily thing, and in doing so we need to make sure we are evaluating what we are putting into our mind by God's Word. The Apostle Paul admonishes us...

"O Timothy, guard the deposit entrusted to you. Avoid the irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called “knowledge,” for by professing it some have swerved from the faith." (1 Timothy 6:20-21, ESV)

and again...

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to [1] a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, [2] and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. [3] Follow the pattern of the sound [4] words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you. (2 Timothy 1:8-14, ESV)

In closing i would like to encourage those who read these words to stay in God's Word. Read it, meditate on it. Keep your heart and mind open to it. At no time should you interpret it by your own experiences. Be willing to adjust your own understanding, but always remember that God is Holy, He cannot contradict Himself. If something about God appears to be contradictory then we must step back and reevaluate our understanding because we are finite, He is Infinite; we are mortal, He is immortal; we are imperfect, He is perfect; we are sinful, He is Holy; we are in need of His grace, He died so that He might shed His grace upon us.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.(Ephesians 6:10-18a, ESV)

Music Monday - 20110207

2011-01-31T18:00:00.002-05:00

When i took LONG SHANKS to the Youth group meeting at church last week i had gone with the intention of adding to my on-going story line. I shouldn't have gotten on-line if i had honestly wanted to get any writing done, but i did. In the long run i am glad that i did, but i didn't get any writing done.

I came upon a slide show presented by Together for the Gospel on Facebook. The song moved me deeply and though i needed to use it for my weekly (well, it supposed to be weekly) Music Monday post. You see, i feel we humans really do see our own contribution to the Savior's suffering and death far too superficially. I am not saying we remain there, merely that we take an honest look at exactly what our rebellion meant to the very One who created us, who breathed life into us. For me, when i do this... i feel the joy and immense freedom His supreme sacrifice on behalf conveys.

O Great God
Sovereign Grace Music
Album: Valley of Vision - August 2006

Verse 1
O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

Verse 2
I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace

Verse 3
Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me

Songwriters: Mark Altrogge, Stephen Altrogge, Peter Gagnon, Bob Kauflin, Doug Plank, and Pat Sczebel

This week i would like to include a poem by John Piper.

Doubly Relieved
My patient Comforter, my God,
     My Life, my Breath, my holy Zeal,
My soul is doubly sorrowful:
     That I still sin against your Seal,
And sinning cause my Sovereign grief.
     I know it is your holy way
To make your grief serve perfect joy,
      But I still pray, O bring the day
When, in the twinkling of an eye,
     My soul will doubly be relieved:
I will not ever sin again,
     And you will nevermore be grieved.
by John Piper

2011-01-31T12:16:00.000-05:00

Dancing in the garden

The scent of spring in the air

To tarry no more?

Microfiction Monday - 20110131

2011-01-31T08:00:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Microfiction Monday,

where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.

Long John couldn't believe his eyes. He turned to his good friend Gorton, "I think we've found the solution to Charlie's problem!".

"Aye, I always thought he smelled fishy."

Your Turn!

About Microfiction Monday

Photos will be from my own archives; illustrations are from Dover Publications' free clipart sample newsletter.

I joined this meme thread from a fellow parent dealing with an Autistic child: Susan @ Stony River: a writing life

Wednesday Wickedness - 20110126

2011-01-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

When was your last trip to a library?

Hmm, that is a good question. A few months ago. I was helping DS1 on a project of his. I do agree that the library is an awesome place to pick up and read books, all without the expense of ever having to purchase a book again. Having said that, there would be far fewer authors to write interesting books without those who purchase them. Sort of like, why purchase another song when you can just download them on the internet.

2. “People see me in the suit and they know I'm not fooling anyone, they know I'm rock and roll through and through.”

Does your attire properly represent you?

Dunno. Never really cared. 'Function over fashion' is a personal motto. So... then again... maybe it does.

3. “I'm from a little place called England ... We used to run the world before you.”

Do you feel the United States really runs the world?

Puh Leaze... although, many citizens of the United States would like to think so. The United States does have a lot of influence around the world, and they do tend to use that influence whenever possible, but does the United States run the world? I am pretty sure Mr. Putin and Mr. Jintao would have something to say about that... as well as a few others.

4. “No one grows up saying 'I hope I work in an office one day?' And that fascinated me. People from 16 to 65 are just thrown together and that is a tantalizing mix.”

When was the last time that you worked in an office like that?

The office i work in currently is fairly diverse. Not quite 16, but in the mid to lower 20's up through the 60's. It is an excellent environment. In my immediate area i work closely with someone in each decade of life from the 30's to the lower 60's.It really has made for a fun and good work dynamic.

5. “Where there's a will-there's a relative!”

Do you have a will? If yes, have you ever changed it?

I have had at least three, so yes i do, and i have changed it. Mostly to reflect the addition of children as they come along. Since all of my belongings, etc. are going to go either to my beloved or my children, it has been pretty straight forward. I should probably update it again since it has been a few years since the last update.

6. "When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: `Good, you shouldn`t be in there`. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It`s the same with fox hunting. They`re just psychopaths.”

How do you feel about bull fighting and hunting?

I feel about Bull Fighting like i feel about Mixed Martial Arts fighting between two human-beings. It is inane and does not make any sense. It is brutality for brutality sake. Hunting i am a little different with. I know too many families that do so for supplementing their grocery budget. In other cases the hunters have donated the meat gathered to charity organizations that feed the homeless and less fortunate. In a lot of cases the hunters help curb over population of some species. I see what Mr. Gervais is saying here though... Fox hunting is more of hunting for sport, versus a need. Personally i do not see a need to hunt just to kill something, but for food i do not have a problem with it.

7. “Money gives me the creeps and mildly embarrasses me. I get paid too much anyway.”

Have you ever thought that you were over paid for a job?

There are times i definitely feel this way. But then i do not analyze what i do versus the talent pool available, etc. Let's just say i am very grateful to God that i do get paid what i get paid, and i try and work very hard so that my employer feels that i have provided the work that they are paying me for.

8. “I hate lateness. I hate people who are late. There is no excuse for turning up late for anything. I`ve never been late for anything in my life. I was actually born a week premature, because I wanted to be early for my own birth.”

Are you usually on time for things?

I am with Mr. Gervais. I do NOT like being late... for ANYTHING. I prefer to show up a minimum of ten minutes early for everything. However, God has a sense of humor and i cannot remember the last time i was consistent with my own preference. I am not going to say why, because ultimately i hold myself responsible.

9. “I have plenty of pet hates. I can`t stand people scraping their plate or slurping their soup. I can`t stand waiting in lines. I hate people talking inanely about the Lord Of The Rings. I hate people whistling. But I`m not like this because I`m famous. I`ve always been a grumpy bastard.”

What are your “pet hates”?

I have a thing for doors and drawers being shut. I have a hard time just walking by a door that is ajar without closing it. Once while working with my beloved in the kitchen to get ready for some company, i spent 10 minutes "dancing" around the island shutting cabinets, etc. and finally i couldn't take it any more... i had to walk out of the room. Another time my beloved and i were in the midst of an "intense time of fellowship" and i could not stop focusing on the drawers of a dresser behind her... i interrupted my own train of thought and walked over and shut all of them. It was a good tension breaker.

10. “I don`t like all this stupid Gollum begat Wobblo and the Oompa Loompas and...Oh _____ _____! There was too much "Oh, god, here come the gloodloys..." _____ Almighty, what are they talking about!?”

Are you a fan of “Lord of the Rings”?

I most definitely am. When i read the the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and the Hobbit, i find myself immersed in the world of J.R.R. Tolkien. I love the naivety of the Hobbits, i love the mystery of the Elves. I dread the evil of the "all watching eye" and his minions. The honor and comrade between all the members of the quest, and the perseverance of the heroes. In my opinion Mr. Tolkien achieved his desire to create a modern mythology. I can reread the novels every year, and i love the movies almost as much as the books. When the Hobbit comes out to theaters i will be there in line... and when the set (because it will be two movies) comes out on Blu-Ray, i will most definitely upgrade my video equipment if i have not already.

The Way of Walking with Christ - based on a work of Miyamoto Musashi

2011-01-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

20) Though you give up your life, do not give up your honor.

Meiyo - Honor: A true samurai has only one judge of his honor, and that is himself. Decisions you make and how these decisions are carried out are a reflection of whom you truly are. You cannot hide from yourself.

A main reason many people do not fully turn their lives over to Christ, and why so many people neglect to meet together for times of worship (see Hebrews 10), is because of men and women "of God", especially those in positions of leadership (both in and out of the public eye), have not taken seriously the fact that they are not only representing God to their congregations, but to the world. They have put themselves (in some form or fashion) ahead of God. Many are like those described in Titus 1:16: "They profess to know God, but they deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work." (ESV)

In the Old Testament God tells His people:

"You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God: I am the Lord." (Leviticus 19:14, ESV)

Now, this command is in the midst of several other commandments, but our Lord also has this to say:

"And he said to his disciples, “Temptations to sin [1] are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. [2] Pay attention to yourselves!" (Luke 17:1-3a, ESV)

We as sinful human beings have NO honor in and of ourselves. Instead of viewing honor in the traditional sense, we must see our selves as ambassadors of our Lord, and while there is nothing that we can do to tarnish His honor (His perfect righteousness and holiness), people adjust their view of God based on what they see in and through us. As a "Christian samurai" it is not our honor we must concern ourselves with, but the image of Christ we portray to the world. There are some very good guidelines found in Titus 1; "For an overseer, [4] as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound [5] doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it." (7-9, ESV)

Even though a Christian samurai may not be in a position of leadership within their local church, we should always hold ourselves to the highest standard.

Before i move on from this topic i would like to share this quote from my Pastor, "It is easier to fall on your sword than to get back up and learn from your mistakes." Always remember, we are sinners saved by the grace of God. We must always allow the grace of God to work in and through us. Our failures are not the end of it, but the beginning - instruments as you were - for growth. We must not allow them to hinder our pursuit of our service to Him. Not one sin in our entire lives was unseen by Him.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:6-11, ESV)

I cannot wrap this section up better than quoting these verses:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, [2] lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, ESV)

Microfiction Monday - 20110124

2011-01-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Microfiction Monday,

where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.

The boat is supposed to be here. He promised.

I dunno David, the fog is pretty thick.

Well, he promised. You can go if you want to, but I'm stayin'.

Your Turn!

About Microfiction Monday

Photos will be from my own archives; illustrations are from Dover Publications' free clipart sample newsletter.

I joined this meme thread from a fellow parent dealing with an Autistic child: Susan @ Stony River: a writing life

I had a train of thought... but it looks more like the escape scene from "The Fugitive" now

2011-01-19T18:00:00.018-05:00

This past Sunday in church my mind was running 90 miles per hour. We are going through a revisit of our Mission Statement as well as messages on encouraging the congregation to "deeper and wider".
For a long time i have struggled with 'man-centered' sermons. Ones that talk about what we need to do, how we need to act to feel better, to improve our relationship with God, etc. It is only natural i guess. Especially in those whom the Holy Spirit has awakened the awareness of our own depravity apart from God. We know there is problem and we know it has to be taken care of, and it is human nature to want to fix it. To bring something to the table so to speak. That spills over into sermons on Sunday morning and we spend so much time focusing on ourselves that we never look at who God is. Sure we use the Bible to insert into appropriate parts of the sermon, but it is to examine ourselves, not to examine God. One reason we are at the church we are at now is because i have spoken with the pastor, and i can see glimpses of him trying to turn the focus more on who God is. Anyway... i digress... during the sermon my mind would grab on points and seemingly expound upon what was being preached upon.

Anyway... this Sunday i took several notes, and i was all pumped up about blogging about this most excellent train of thought i was having... only to read my notes today... and they are not making sense... at least they are not clicking as to why i was so pumped up excited. So... what i will do is just use my notes to expound upon my own thoughts... and just go from there.

I do remember thinking why are most sermons so watered down. The messages talk about Jesus saving people, about how good He is. Rarely have i heard about Him dying on the cross. Even more rare is to hear the word sin, or that He saves sinners... let alone declaring that anyone listening is a sinner. Some may think this harsh, but i would encourage you to pick six churches at random in your local neighborhood/city/town. Most nowadays, do some form of recording, but if they don't and you have the time, sit through the usually no longer than 30 minute sermon. If you hear the reference to people being sinners more than twice all together, i would be surprised. Even still we hear generalities such as sin is bad, God is good, and God is love and He forgives. None of that is untrue, but why can't we go deeper? Why can't we touch on things like that we are still sinners, saved by grace. That we do fail God, that He does work in our lives, that we do still require His discipline - which is uncomfortable.

I cannot remember the full context of the sermon (sorry Pastor) where our preacher was talking about being "called out" and "called to". While i agree we have indeed been "called out" of something, and "called to" something... I do having the opinion that it was too superficial however. What exactly have we been "called out" of? A life of sin? Surely, and yet we still struggle in the flesh. Ultimately we have been called out of a life apart from God, out of a life where we only live for our self, we have been called out of a life of hating God.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. (Romans 5:6-10, ESV emphasis mine)

I feel that deep appreciation, and the best thing we could ever do for both the seeker and the saint, is to not shy away from what our condition would be without Christ. Even after our heart and mind have quickened to the heading of God, and accepted Jesus' work on the cross, it is only His sustaining grace that brings us through. If it were not for Christ going to the cross, we would never have regained fellowship with God. There for, not only have we been called out of our own depravity, our own self imposed isolation, we have been called to a relationship with God. We have been called to living for God and not for ourselves. We have been called to a state that we will never again be alone.

And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined [4] to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin [5] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:14-20, ESV)

While, now that we are one with God, we should not take ownership of our sin, because through the blood of Christ and his propitiation upon the cross it has been taken away, we should never forget our sorry state apart from Christ, lest we deceive ourselves and think we have arrived before we have been called home. Apart from the grace of God, and His transforming work in our lives, we are retched little creatures. This is why i keep a statue of the creature Gollum from the Lord of the Rings on my desk. By the inspiration of Joshua Harris i quote the conversation between Gandalf and Frodo from the works of J.R.R. Tolkein:

"What do you mean?" said Frodo. "Surely the Ring was his precious and the only thing he cared for? But if he hated it, why didn't he get rid of it, or go away and leave it?"

"You ought to begin to understand, Frodo, after all you have heard," said Gandalf. "He hated it and loved it, as he hated and loved himself. He could not get rid of it. He had no will left in the matter." (from The Fellowship of the Ring)

Apart from the work of God we could never leave our sin behind. We both love it, and hate it, but we can never just rid ourselves of it. If we deny that we still struggle with sin and are still in need of Christ, we deceive ourselves. (1 John 1). I do not think we can have a better example than Paul:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, [1] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.(2 Corinthians 12:7-9, ESV)

So long as we dwell in this vessel, we will continue to wage war against desires of the flesh... our precious... our sin. To do nothing... to fail to draw our attention to our truest need... is to leave one vulnerable to the guile of the enemy. Do we remain there? No! We should rejoice and celebrate all that God has brought us to! We should sin praises, we should rejoice, but unless we reach down and realize just what we have been saved from - if we continue to gloss over the ugly parts - we will only ever superficially respond and our worship will be deficient for it.

Until we sing...

‘Twas I that shed the sacred blood;
    I nailed him to the tree;
I crucified the Christ of God;
I joined the mockery.

Of all that shouting multitude
   I feel that I am one;
And in that din of voices rude
   I recognize my own.

Around the cross the throng I see,
   Mocking the Sufferer’s groan;
Yet still my voice is seems to be,
   As if I mocked alone.
(A Hymn by Horatius Bonar)

We can never fully appreciate...

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

For those who have endured this train wreck to the end... thank you for your patience. I take no credit in anything other than the sharing of thoughts. I pray that this has blessed you, and may you richly and deeply feel the passion of your Savior.

Wednesday Wickedness - 20110119

2011-01-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

Well, for me... i am doing these a week late because i never have enough time to copy the meme, answer the questions, AND get it posted all in the same day... so... this is actually last weeks offering.

Today we picked Kurt Cobain. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

1. "A friend is nothing but a known enemy."

Have you ever had a “friend” that you discovered was really an enemy?

I have a two for one type of deal. When i joined the Army National Guard in 1986 i had a girl who i asked to wait for me until i got back. I don't remember if she ever actually did promise or not. When i returned from Basic training just before Christmas she acted like nothing had changed. My brother left for Basic training almost a month to the day i got back. While he was away i began overhearing phone conversations between her and him. Since she only ever spoke to me a handful of times while i was away i quickly got suspicious. When i asked about the calls she brushed it off, a friend blahblahblah. When she went to go to his B.T. graduation i knew something was up. When she got back, she announced that she had gotten engaged to my brother. Wow. Of all the childhood fights i got into with my brother, i was glad that he won this one in the end. When they finally got divorced she took him for two houses and part of the 3rd, all of the bank accounts, and two of three cars. In the end, my brother was left with a broken down truck and enough money to get out from under his bankruptcy. My brother and i are talking again (it took a really long time), but i am not sure i will ever completely trust him again.

2. "Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self esteem."

What is the strongest drug (legal or otherwise) that you have taken?

Since this is something taken, and not administered... i had a Rx for Tylenol with Codeen once. It was for after my appendix operation. Did NOT like the weird feeling of it. I think i took it once or twice and then just regular Tylenol. I am not one to take serious pain meds for any longer than i absolutely have too. I am a real light weight when it comes to alcohol as well.

3. "I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a classic case of divorce really affected me."

Has a divorce (yours or your parents) really impacted your life?

Well duh. My own parents were divorced before i can really remember, but the custody battle lingered. Until recently i had thought that other than having a difficult childhood, it didn't really impact me all that much. But, i have been learning, somewhat painfully, that i am still dealing with shadows of these years.

4. "I really haven't had that exciting of a life. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life. So I pretty much like to make it up. I'd rather tell a story about somebody else."

What's the most exciting thing that you've ever done?

For me the most exciting thing i have ever done was to get married. Now that has been, is now, and will be on into the future, very exciting. Never boring.

5. "I was looking for something a lot heavier, yet melodic at the same time. Something different from heavy metal, a different attitude."

Is there a heavy metal band that you are a fan of, or were a fan of at that time?

One Bo my mom was very found of, and strung along for many a year off and on again, bought me my first record album (back when they were put on vinyl disks). It was KISS' Love Gun album. Man, i really liked Ace Frehley's guitar solo on their Alive II set. I pretty much stuck with them through High School but when they sort of broke up i went on my way. Eventually i got into groups like Poison and Gun's and Roses. Over time my interest in that style of music waned... mostly i grew concerned about the almost constant imagery of death, debauchery and the like. And this was before i had become a Christian. I still 'crave' that style of music from time to time though. Now a days i will pick up and listen to P.O.D. and other Christian metal bands... but my preferred style of music leans to a much more... sedate... tempo and volume nowadays. 8)

6. "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."

Do people generally like you?

LOL - you would have to ask them. A handful i know for sure do... but the rest... i am not so sure about.

7. "I'm too busy acting like I'm not Naive. I've seen it all, I was here first."

Are you naïve at all?

It depends on the topic. But the older i get, the more i realize how little i truly know. My sons will not find this surprising however.

8. "I've always had a problem with the average macho man - they've always been a threat to me."

Does a certain type of person scare you?

I hate to admit this but i get nervous around inner-city youth. I know it is born out of ignorance however. While i have not had the best interactions with them (a school grading period spent in Washington DC), i have survived to tell the tale, and not all kids are like those i interacted with.

9. "If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first."

Do you mind a friend who asks for favors?

No i do not mind. However, most of them are like me. Too prideful to ask for help when they need it. Although, i had a friend once who needed to get his car fixed so that he could get to/from work. When he asked me for help it was not to help getting his car fixed, he wanted to borrow money to buy out a paintball store's inventory that was going out of business. I did not loan him the money... and... i do not see or hear from him all that often. Maybe it was when i told him that i would loan him money to get his car fixed, but not for what he was asking it for.

10. "The worst crime is faking it."

Do you ever “fake it” for approval?

Oh, i am sure i do. In most social situations i really do not know why certain things are expected, and i honestly feel that they are superficial and fake, but i try my best to simulate those expectations so that i am not thought of as "insensitive" or uncaring. There are only a handful of people in my life that know me well enough to know that i do this... so, even when i don't quite get it right... they don't comment or ostracize me.

The Way of Walking with Christ - based on a work of Miyamoto Musashi

2011-01-18T08:00:00.004-05:00

19) Respect the gods and Buddhas, but do not depend on them.

During Miyamoto Musashi's life he learned that he could not depend on the gods of his land., that they would fail him. We on the other hand serve a God who says in His Word, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say,“The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5b-6, ESV)

However, Christianity has plenty of history in regards to those who do not believe as we do. The Crusades, and the Inquisition are black eyes in the history of our faith. God judges the heart, and a heart cannot be changed at the end of a sword. As followers of Jesus Christ we are confident in our faith and belief that He is the Son of God and the only way to eternal life; however, not everyone believes as we do and that we may not be able to bring them around to our point of view. We should understand that God does not reveal all things to all people, but that does not make the Christian superior to the non-Christian. Ultimately we should be humbled and driven to our knees in adoration for all that God has done and revealed to us in our lives. For "...God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8 ESV)

Unfortunately i will not be able to expound on this point as thoroughly as i would like, but i encourage any reader who wants to explore this more to seek out the works of Charles Spurgeon (especially All of Grace), Jonathon Edwards, and organizations such as Together for the Gospel and Desiring God.

Remember, you are never going to convert anyone. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. Respect where others are coming from, even learn from it. If your message is rejected this is what Jesus says, "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town." (Matthew 10:14, ESV) In the end...

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess [2] to God.” So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. (Romans 14:10-12, ESV)

Music Monday - and other ramblings - 20110117

2011-01-17T16:00:00.009-05:00

For most of my Christian life (i am only a 21 year old Christian, hehehe) i have interacted with a lot of evangelists. I am inspired and humbled by these men and women. They take it upon their heart to carry the gospel to wherever the Lord leads them. I am inspired because of how driven most of them are. They have a passion to spread the Word of Christ, and that is an awesome thing. I am humbled because, while i love the Lord with all my heart, i just do not have that drive to be out there. Where i do seem to have a passion though is in support of those who are out there. To serve these people, to lift them up in prayer, to try and provide in some way financially, etc. In the military, at least in the Army, it takes seven people in the "rear" to support one soldier on the front line. While i served in Army (both on active duty and in the National Guard) i was proud of the fact i was a "combat arms" soldier. I would digress if i went into the why i enjoyed being the "tip of the spear", but i was also aware of the need for those seven other men and women "behind" me. The soldier patrolling cannot safely complete his mission unless he has adequate supplies of ammunition and food. If he cannot safely get to and from his area of operations. Communication gear is crucial. Now, the ratio may not be the same in regards to evangelism, but nevertheless, support people are just as crucial in the on going ministries of the church, but locally and internationally. Just like actors get all the attention when it comes to being on the screen, and soldiers are looked up to when the are shown "meeting the enemy", etc. they cannot do what they do without the people who are unseen. Even if God is not calling you to be out front there is a just-as-vital-mission for you to be a part of. Maybe it is in prayer, maybe it is in going out to collect materials for them to take out with them. What i am trying to say is that your gift may be just as important as theirs. Get involved!

It has been many a week since i last placed finger to keyboard and put up a blog post on a meme that i started without prompting (that is to say it is not unique, but that i had started my thread without knowing about the others yet) - Music Monday. I know of only one other who does this as a result of this blog, and that would be Alise. She on the other hand, has been VERY faithful in putting up her offerings. She also does a GREAT job of expounding upon WHY she has chossen a particular song for the week. I highly encourage you to visit "Big Mama's Blog" to see what i mean.

For a few weeks now i have been hearing a new song from Third Day titled "Lift Up Your Face". Typical when you hear the word 'salvation' the imagery is usually of someone coming to Christ for the first time. But the past few months have been pretty... severe for lack of a better word coming to mind. For me this song was an affirmation to my heart that nothing of this world is forever, and my Lord will one day bring me home and i will be delivered. The dichotomy of bring saved in the now, and not yet.

Lift Up Your Face
Third Day - from their MOVE album

Lift up your face
Lift up your face
Salvation is calling
Salvation is calling (your name)

You have fallen so far now
You don’t even know how
You are going to survive
But just over the horizon
A new light is shining
Breaking through the darkest night
Love is coming and it’s calling out your name

You feel like your life is fading
You’re tired of waiting
For your moment to arrive
But tomorrow will bring
A song that you can sing
And your hope is gonna rise
Love is coming and it’s calling out your name

Do you hear him calling
Can you hear him calling
He’s calling out your name
He’s calling our your name

Just over the horizon
A new light is shining
Salvation is on its way

I will wrap up this posting with an observation. I am either not eating as much, or restaurant portions have gotten WAY bigger. It has been a long time since i have been able to go out to eat, order an appetizer a main course (or entree) AND a dessert... and lately it can only be one of the three. Recently we took LONG SHANKS out to eat for his birthday. This time my beloved and i got smart, we ordered only one entree and split it. With the family sharing the appetizer, me splitting the meal with my beloved, i actually ordered a dessert. Why was i pushing my luck you ask? Because someone has come up with dessert-shooters! That's right, mini desserts served in what resemble shot glasses. Small, less expensive than the full size counter parts, and just enough to cleanse the pallet. It is probably a win fall for the restaurants as well because i know the profit margin (labor aside) has got to be much larger for these little delectable treats. Perfect end to the meal. I was full, but not uncomfortably so. Since we are not old enough to qualify for the senior citizen discounts and portion sizes yet, i am pretty sure the Mrs. and i will be splitting our meals a lot more often... and it has nothing to do with the saving money part.

Microfiction Monday - 20110117

2011-01-17T08:00:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Microfiction Monday,

where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.

Look at you! You are too fat to even get up and defend your honor!

And you are so unskilled a swordsman, as to be unable to even cut through this parasol.

"BANG!"

Your Turn!

About Microfiction Monday

Photos will be from my own archives; illustrations are from Dover Publications' free clipart sample newsletter.

I joined this meme thread from a fellow parent dealing with an Autistic child: Susan @ Stony River: a writing life

Wednesday Wickedness - 20110112

2011-01-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness! We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

Today we picked Homer Simpson. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!

I am not fan of The Simpsons, or South Park, or King of the Hill. Maybe i am just getting old, but the humor contained in those types of shows just does not appeal to me. However, that does not mean i cannot post my thoughts on Homer's quotes and the questions posed by the originator of this meme, Janera Jepson. So, without further ado...

1. “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.”
What was the last thing that you weaseled out of?

To be honest, i do not fully understand what this means. I know it means to get out from under... probably a commitment of some kind... so, that is what i am going to go with. Recently i backed out of a commitment to help out with the Youth program at my church. I have not been consistent in attendance, nor have i been putting in the time to prepare. Not to mention other things going on within my own dojo (so to speak), so, to keep in accordance with 1 Timothy 3, i felt it best to not step up into that role.

2. "If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"
What was the last thing that caught your eye that you stopped for?

I know i have done it... but i have not been able to recall a specific instance. I remember thumbing through some catalog and coming across a Lego kit for the Frank Lloyd Wright house, Fallingwater, and it gave me pause. You see i love legos, but there is something that speaks to me about beautiful architecture.

3. “You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.”
When was the last time that you blamed yourself?

Last night, this morning, this afternoon... it's kind of an on-going thing because there is always something new to take ownership of.

4. “Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.”
Does alcohol play an important role in your life?

I used to think that it didn't anymore... but i am finding ghosts and whispers continue to haunt me from my youth and my experiences there. And not from personal use, but from exposure to those who did imbibe excessively.

5. “All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.”
Would you ever donate a kidney or another organ to someone?

I don't know... that might sound odd, and/or insensitive... but i really don't know. I think it would have a lot to do with who it is, how do i know them, and my current health/situation. After i pass away all bets are off. I am sure i will not mind anymore. Recently i blogged about how my oldest has been dealing with the loss of a classmate. I know his parents had a hard time, but they signed a donor card - this potentially saved the lives of several other people. What an amazing ability to reach out and help others.

6. “Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!”
Have you ever thought you were a butt-kisser?

I would like to answer, NEVER, but to be completely honest i am pretty sure i kissed up to some superior at some point in time. Over all do i consider myself a 'butt-kisser'? No, i prefer to be up front with my bosses, etc. and be myself. But, i also prefer to "not bite the hand that feeds me" either.

7. “Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974; It's a scientific fact.”
What do you consider rock 'n roll perfection?

Um... for me i think it would be in the 80's... but the more i look back to movies and TV shoes of that decade... i am considering rethinking this position. Although i have not found it for myself within the last two decades, i do feel that each phase of rock 'n roll has something to offer to the overall whole. Personally, and i think this is age and influence from my father, i feel that the foundation of rock 'n roll, the Blues, has something it just cannot fully capture.

8.“Hey, he's not happy at all! He lied to us through song! I HATE when people do that!”
How seriously do you take an artist's lyrics?

Well, fairly seriously. There was a reason they were put down on paper and/or recorded in the first place. It was an honest thought/emotion by the musician and then put into musical form. It is one reason i am a lot more selective about what i listen to. I have hit my daily "next/unlike" limit on Pandora before.

9. “If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.”
What was the last thing that you did despite the fact that it was hard?

Last night/this morning/this afternoon... it's called life. "“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” (Gen 3:17-19, ESV) Some may have it easier than others, but ultimately, if it is easy it isn't worth holding on too.

10. “The Internet? Is that thing still around?”

Can you imagine being in a time without the internet?

LOL - of course i can. There was no internet when i was growing up. I was out often, riding my bike, playing "maul-ball", etc. Having said that, i have no idea how i survived childhood. LOL. I Love the internet. So helpful in looking up information and for just plain wasting time. And now with web-enabled cell phones! Yiles!

The Way of Walking with Christ - based on a work of Miyamoto Musashi

2011-01-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

18) Do not be intent on possessing valuables or a fief in old age.

This ties in to the gathering of wealth and possessions. While God knows the end from the beginning, we do not know all that God has in store.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare [2] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.(Jeremiah (29:11, ESV)

Of the twelve disciples, including Paul, only one lived to be an "old man", and he was exiled to the island of Pátmos. So what do we have to look forward to, assuming God allows us to see "old age"?

Then Peter said in reply, “See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, [2] when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold [3] and will inherit eternal life. (Matthew 19:27-29, ESV)

While we will not be sitting on thrones in judgment over the twelve tribes of Israel like the disciples are told in this example, we do have a place to live to live out eternity.

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; [1] believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? [2] And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” [3] Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. [4] From now on you do know him and have seen him.” (John 14:1-7, ESV)

What better promise do we really need?